To talk about postnatal depression

[upsetmum304]

Name changed for this as I am a regular poster on here and I don't want to be outed.

I need to talk about PND. I'm not sure if I have it but I have nobody to speak to in real life so I have to vent here.

I'm weeks after birth now and have started to feel very down. I've been having random crying episodes for no reason and I am struggling to cope with my son. I feel like a terrible mother for writing this, but I become so frustrated when he cries and often shout at him. I can't figure out why he's crying sometimes and I get so upset about it. When I feel like this I think I regret having him, but then when I've calmed down I know I was being ridiculous and feel terribly guilty for even thinking like that because I love him to absolute pieces and would die for him.

I feel like a shit mum and I don't know why I'm feeling like this all of a sudden. I'm not sure what I want from this post but I had to put it out there. Please somebody tell me I'm not a horrible mum and that this is normal

Hi OP,
Sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed & wanting to give up. I honestly have been there & know how you feel. I had postnatal depression which started with insomnia when my daughter was about 4 months old. It really is hell & the not sleeping is like torture. I just want to reiterate what everyone else has said- please, please seek help. I went to see my GP quite early but they fobbed me off as I was breastfeeding so they were reluctant to prescribe antidepressants. I wish I'd made a stronger case as I have had depression before which responded well to antidepressants. I did have counselling through IAPT & was referred to a support group but unfortunately they didn't give me the lift I needed. Eventually I was prescribed Sertraline when my daughter was 7 months old & 5 months on I'm a different person. Yes it's still hard but I can also find enjoyment from looking after my daughter.
The key thing is that it does get easier to look after a baby in time anyway. I find it so much easier now my daughter is a year old.

Btw is there any way that you can stay with family during this rough patch or have someone to stay with you? I realise this is not an option for everyone but for me it helped staying at my mum & dad's for a bit as my partner was working long hours.
I would say that even if it doesn't turn out to be pnd go & see your GP. Don't just struggle on.
Wishing you all the luck x

Hey op, just checking in to see how you are doing?

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies.

Went to the GP today and I am now back on 20mg of Citalopram. I used to be on this pre baby and it did help massively so I am hoping it will this time.

I'm back on speaking terms now with my DP. He grovelled all weekend but he knows it is over it it ever happens again. I know he felt terrible guilt for leaving me with our DS.

I've gone NC with my mother since she made her comment. I don't plan on reaching out to her. I haven't had an apology so far. She hasn't seen my son for over a week now either. I don't think she cares