To ask you to give me a well meaning kick up the arse

[DarthRosenberg]

I started exercising last year. While it was slow going I was starting to see the benefit of some daily exercise every day and a parkrun every Saturday. My parkrun times are shit but they’ve been creeping down slowly.

Then I got injured and had to take a break from most exercises for 6 weeks. I’m about 6 weeks back into it and it’s all incredibly hard again. I feel no joy in it, the thought of it hangs over me all day. I feel unfit and fat.

Well, I am fat. A lot less fat than I was 3 years ago. I was 22 stone then and I’m about 13.5 now. But I can’t shift the last few stone. I’ve been trying consistently since Sept. I don’t overeat, I really don’t, I just don’t lose weight unless I’m eating less than 1200 calories a day and that is so hard to do over a long period. I have a relatively active job. I’m in my 40s.

Hence the exercise, to try and kick start my metabolism, but it’s such a mental battle because I’m no good at it. It hurts, every time, and now it’s hot, running feels unbearable. I force myself to do it, but last weekend at parkrun I got bashed in the shoulder by a faster runner lapping me and I nearly burst into tears. I kept going but it’s sort of stayed with me, the feeling that I’m just no good at this and I’m taking up space in a place not made for people like me. I hear inspirational stories of people who take up running and crack 10k, then half-marathons and marathons etc, but feel like if I’m still wheezing my way round a parkrun sometimes hardly able to run it at all and having it knock me out for the rest of the day that there’s no hope for me.

Anyway, I decided maybe the problem was that one run a week isn’t going to make me get fitter, so for the last couple of weeks I’ve done 2 runs in the week too. Not 5k, because I don’t think I could take it, but 2 x 3.5k runs, and planning to up it as I feel I can manage. I have one planned for tonight and I just want to go home, put my PJs on instead and forget the whole idea.

My DH is supportive, but he’s super fit and super active and, not through any fault of his own, his excellence makes me feel utterly useless. He’s always telling me that I’m doing well and that the real achievement is putting the effort in and never seems to doubt that I can get fit, but I’m losing the will to do it.

So would some kind people please kick my arse and tell me to go for my run tonight, to stop being such a self-pitying dick and that one day there will be some sort of worthwhile pay off for this. Reasonably gently if you can, despite this being AIBU, because I feel horribly fragile right now.

Have you looked at intermittent fasting? There are a few approaches to try from the manageable don't eat between 9pm-1pm to the harder don't eat all day. I did the 9pm-1pm fast twice a week and did start seeing some results (I've had a set back since).

On reddit there's a thread for intermittent fasting and the more hardcore really do well.

You've already come so far! I'm 20st and in awe of you. The motivation you've had has served you well, you just need to tap into that again. However you feel about those faster runners and your DH I promise you there is someone watching your transformation and feeling every bit as envious - and motivated - of you/by you. Keep it up, you can do it!

When you get home, go straight away to put on the essential running gear (I need a proper bra and socks for definite but the rest of the clothes are variable) and then you're ready to run. At that point you can tell your self you're changed so might as well go for a walk, then if you want to, whilst you are out, maybe jog or run. Getting your heart rate up for 30 minutes is more important than miles and miles for increasing metabolism.
You might also want to find a kettle bell class or other weights or resistance training for toning up, toned muscles weigh more but burn energy faster than fat.
As for the park run thug who was so rude, that's so much more about him than you. (Assume it was a he down to my personal experience haha) and I can only suggest that you maybe try a different location if you want to break the association.
Really truly believe that every one is welcomed at parkrun so don't worry about your pb, showing up is enough.
Consider your arse gently kicked.

Jeeze Louise - you're a superstar! How on Earth did you shift all that weight?! I can't shift any damned stones - except for the ones in the garden.

You are as entitled to space as the next person at the park runs. And you are doing sterling. Please go for your run tonight. It does get easier when you go more regularly.

I tend to be a start/stop runner, due to injury and illness myself. If you can do two - three runs in a week it gets so much easier, so much quicker. I run to time rather than distance, and I give myself a target of okay, I absolutely have to run 15 minutes, optimal 20 minutes, and max 25. Usually I end up at the max, but I have the acceptable, and the out, for if it's really not happening for me. It makes it easier for me just to get out there! Maybe this could help you?

I don't think you need an arse kicking because I think you are kicking yourself pretty hard every day. Do you talk about yourself like that all the time? that you take up space and don't belong?

You are the only one who thinks that. You have as much right to space as anyone else.

Just because you can't see weightloss doesn't mean it's pointless. Your health is the most important and that is always going to improve with exercise.

Could you also try some different type of exercise that you might enjoy more, like dancing?

Please don’t be in awe of me, the way I lost the biggest chunk of the weight was down to illness rather than any effort on my part. Now I’m trying to capitalise on that.

@mbosnz - I like that way of doing it. I can see that working for me. Once I’m there a little bit more, just a bit more, oh I might as well finish tends to work for me.

Thanks, originally. That’s all brilliant and helpful advice. Definitely considering the resistance stuff. The exercises I do had definitely started to tone me up a bit and I liked that a lot.

You poor thing. Imagine yourself at your heaviest and remind yourself how far you have come. You sound like you’re being quite hard on yourself at the moment and if you’re feeling like you are there is no shame whatsoever in going home and calling it a night and running tomorrow instead when you’re feeling stronger -so long as you do get out there and do it this week which you know you will as you’ve done so well to get
this far!

Sounds cheesy but be kind to yourself while you run and think of the benefits you’re giving to your body and how good you’ll feel afterwards rather than seeing it as a form of self punishment. And have a treat waiting at home, a nice bath or a delicious drink or just something nice to look forward to afterwards.

You are magnificent!!!

I don't think you need an arse kicking, maybe just a readjustment of how to achieve your goals. It may be that running isn't your thing.

What about swimming? You stay cool and it works out core muscles without joint damage. Would that be any good?

Another good one is circuit training, or pilates for toning (and you are very near that point).

Again, well done.

Nope. Still in awe.

Blimey - I’ve just logged back into mumsnet for the first time in years so that I could chip in on this one. I could have written this post - same weights, same thought processes and same aptitude for running. I has a 12-18month pause in my running until I started up again a few weeks ago. Cue a family crisis, and my mojo has gone AWOL again. Not sure what my point is other than to say I totally know where you’re coming from and they reading your post made me feel a little less alone with it all. Chin up!

Thanks all.

northernlassthree, glad I made you feel a little less alone with it, but sorry you’re stuck in the same headspace as me. It’s not the most fun place to be. Hope you can get through it.

Going to put my running kit on now. Have a few jobs to do and am waiting for it to cool down, but making the step ready to go at least.

I'd be joining you - except that currently I'm walking like a 1970's robot, having wrenched my neck and collarbone. I must tell my mother that she's wrong - a little bit of housework CAN hurt you!

Have a good run.

I agree with stifledlife, I'd mix up your fitness regime a bit. The body gets a bit used to doing the same thing all the time. Maybe swimming, aqua fit, yoga, Pilates, boxercise or similar.

But incredibly well done for what you've achieved already. It may just take a bit longer to lose the last few stone. You burn more calories when you're heavier.

OP running is not for everyone! There are so many different types of exercise you can take up. If you don’t enjoy running then maybe try something completely different - spinning? Body pump? Swimming? All sorts out there!

I'm not avoiding the run by continuing to post, though totes admitting to avoiding housework that I should be doing, it's still hot out here.

The advice to consider other exercise, I'm taking on board. There are reasons I'm doing the running. When I lost a lot of weight years ago, running was the most effective exercise for me. It's also super cheap, and I can fit it in easily, which is crucial to me actually doing it. I am giving some thought now though to the fact that I really don't enjoy it, and maybe it just isn't for me, but lots of people have told me that they didn't start off liking it, but eventually there was a breakthrough moment when they did. I also have an on tap expert, which is handy.

Honestly I wish I had half the determination you do! I decided to start running a few years ago. I did it a few evenings a week... for a week then gave up!

I don't think you need an arse kicking because I think you are kicking yourself pretty hard every day. Do you talk about yourself like that all the time? that you take up space and don't belong?

This has made me think too. Yes, I do it a lot. I've been trying to do it a lot less, but I've obviously got patterns of thinking that creep up on me when I'm not paying close attention. It's like I shut it down somewhere and it pops up somewhere else. Doh.

Try a different form of exercise. Once I switched to an exercise I enjoyed (climbing) rather than one I thought would help me lose weight/tone up the fastest I got my results.

@Darth, it sounds like you've done an amazing job so far.

Have you thought about doing some speed work, strength training, yoga or pilates alongside the running?
The speed work helps to mix up your runs and make it feel fun - 'fartlek' is literally run-play.
Strength training will build muscle which raises your base metabolism, sculpts your body and will give you the oomph to overtake those elbows on parkrun.
Pilates/yoga will help you to stretch out and strentgthen the little muscles.
Hope you're out there now - I bet you've never felt worse for going for a run!
Well done, again.

Losing the last bit is the hardest. Exercise does not really burn many calories. I would suggest a complete meal replacement shake diet, if you have not done one already for a kick start. I find running boring and now have bad feet, so cannot do it. Find something you love, I kick box for cardio and do weights and if I feel like being lazy, cardio is an exercise bike in front of the tv.

Hi firstiy you're doing great already and secondly is it time to start doing some other exercise as well? Maybe some weights to build muscle, tone up - not to gain bulk but to get stronger? In the process you would slim down and burn off more calories.

I use les mills on demand app - there are loads of things to try - some need kit but many don't & I'm a member of their closed Facebook group too.

Good luck op & keep it up xx

You’re doing so well. Honestly.

If you want to keep running try a Fartlek session once a week. It’s what got my cardio/speed moving when I needed to be able to hit a set of running targets.

But please do consider other exercise options. It’s not a requirement to love running to be fit.

Thank you all. 3 hours ago I was feeling pretty despairing, but I got my arse out there, and while I can't claim a magical transformation, I got round the full 3k and was 30 seconds quicker than I ever have been before.

I know it's a very small thing, but I really appreciate the support, I'm surrounded generally by a lot of very fit and healthy people, and while they're all inordinately supportive of me, it's sometimes a bit lonely to be the struggling one.