Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Touching

28 replies

Pomo81 · 06/06/2019 16:18

This is a bit of a weird ask and I hope Im overthinking it but today a male colleague touched me and I feel weird about it

I was showing him a flip chart and he was sat down I was standing. He went to grab the page and as well scooped a little bit of my dress with him as well as touching my public area. It was only for a millisecond and I didn't say anything at the time but is it possible he didn't know he'd done that? I think I'd be more than aware if it was the other way round

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 06/06/2019 16:26

He sounds s big heavy handed, trying to grab the page, but the way you describe it sounds as though it could easily have been accidental and he didn’t notice. There are often posts on here in “Ground swallow me up” or “Workplace embarassment” type threads where a poster is describing accidentally touching a male colleague / acquaintance in an in inappropriate place or way.

Has anything else about his behaviour given you reason to think it might have been intentional or that he’s sexually inappropriate?

NeverHadANickname · 06/06/2019 16:35

He might not have noticed or maybe he did but was embarrassed so tried to ignore it. Is there anything that would make you think he is sleazy? Or would have done it on purpose?

tmh88 · 06/06/2019 16:41

I once accidentally grabbed my driving instructors leg.. I was that embarrassed I acted like nothing happened Blush I never mentioned it again and always had a quick glance to the gear stick..Blush

tmh88 · 06/06/2019 16:42

Posted too soon, I was going to say is it possible he could of been embarrassed or is he known to be that way?

clockworklime · 06/06/2019 16:43

Touched your public area?

yellowgreenbluepurple · 06/06/2019 16:44

I accidentally touched my colleagues boob the other day 🤦‍♀️

AnActualWoman · 06/06/2019 16:47

In isolation it sounds like a genuine, mortifying for both of you, mistake.

I once did an actual Rachel from friends and almost shook an an office juniors knob. It was 20 years ago and the memory still makes me want to shrivel up.

Lotts123 · 06/06/2019 16:49

I rested my heavy pregnant boobs on a male colleagues shoulder as he was sitting at his desk and I was standing behind him reading something on his computer screen. I was mortified, but we’ve worked together for quite a long time and so I apologised and laughed, and he told me I could do it again if I wanted 😂 it’s awkward, if it had been a different colleague I may have just pretended it hadn’t happened. I guess it depends on the relationship you have with the colleague and if he’s done anything similar before? Quite possibly just an awkward accident though.

ALongHardWinter · 06/06/2019 17:02

Touched your public area???

Original poster
Pomo81 · 06/06/2019 17:03

Public not public...! 😂 I think it was an accident but I think it's a pretty hard area to accidentially touch.

I have got the vibe he likes me in the past

OP posts:
Original poster
Pomo81 · 06/06/2019 17:04

Oh for gods sake...p u b i c. Knicker covered area

OP posts:
Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 06/06/2019 17:04

It could have been intentional or it could well have been an accident. I'm not sure there is any way of knowing.. personally I would chalk it up to an accident but also watch to make sure he isn't a repeat offender so to speak.

Norwayswedeniceland · 06/06/2019 17:06

I think it was probably an accident and maybe he was too embarrassed to mention it!

PerfectionistProcrastinator · 06/06/2019 17:06

I accidentally scrape past colleagues boobs on a fairly regular basis (physical job, small room, lots of equipment to get around).

If it’s an isolated incident then it was more than likely just an accident.

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 06/06/2019 17:07

Hmmm, say something to him then? Not sure how you would word it though... maybe next time you are working in physical proximity again make a comment about leaving a bit more room to avoid a repeat issue??

SleepingStandingUp · 06/06/2019 17:09

I think unless ypu get a vibe from him that he's a sex pest or predator, I'd assume accidental

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 06/06/2019 17:13

Do you work with Donald Trump? He's got form......

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 06/06/2019 17:17

It could be a one-off and a complete accident. But this was how a serious case of sexual harrassment in the workplace began with me.The first incident bothered me enough that I made a note of it, together with the date, place and time. I figured that if it was a one-off occasion, it could be left there, and if it wasn't, I could continue to record evidence in the event that I had to bring a complaint.

It wasn't the end and I did eventually have to report it. Your own situation could be either something or nothing - after only one incident it's not always possible to tell. But if he does it again tell him politely but forcefully to stop, continue monitoring the situation, and keep records 'just in case'. This will hurt nobody in the meantime, and could serve as protection if you later have something on file and find you need it.

IME, men get away with pulling this sort of shit far too often. There are very few women in my sector of employment without a similar story to tell.

Here's hoping it turns out to be a one-off, and accidental Flowers

BollocksIsTheWord · 06/06/2019 17:21

I did the driving instructor thing too... Was all in a flap and viciously changed gear so my hand lurched off the gear stick and into his crotchBlush It was quite a thump as well but we never spoke about it even though I wanted to die with humiliation.

In your case, I don’t know... could have been an accident but trust your gut.

msmith501 · 06/06/2019 17:21

Sounds like a total accident to me. But then I'm tactile and so are most of my senior colleagues. We probably use a touch on the arm or similar as a signal in some way eg a point to be made in a presentation or "please let me make a point" etc. In a respectful company where colleagues support and trust each other and are also mature in their experiences / outlook, it should be obvious what constitutes an unwarranted gripe vs. the tactility that goes on between good friends or respectful colleagues. Not every touch has a negative intent in my experience and it's not always necessary to look for an issue where one MAY not exist.

msmith501 · 06/06/2019 17:22

Obviously grope not gripe

Original poster
Pomo81 · 06/06/2019 17:29

No I definitely think it was an accident it just seems a very unlikely area to connect with. It's more of a, could you touch someone there and genuinely not know

OP posts:
Sagradafamiliar · 06/06/2019 17:34

Honestly, I have no idea how anyone could manage to accidentally touch your pubic area under your dress. It would take some really unfortunate manoeuvring surely? No help but sorry it happened to you Thanks

SimonJT · 06/06/2019 17:34

It happens, I have also done the leg grab when learning to drive, on my first test instead of the leg grab my hand slipped and it ended up being a crotch grab. I had the same examiner for my second test which made it worse!

FuckMNDoubleStandards · 06/06/2019 17:41

Okay you think it's an accident, what's the point of this thread?

Accidental touching is very common, simply because when doing tasks we act quick whilst another is also moving about. I sincerely doubt it was anything but an accident.

Furthermore, if you think he likes you, I doubt this is his way of showing you Hmm.