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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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17 replies

Flobochin · 06/06/2019 09:29

So I took grandson to the local mum and toddler group, never been before, walked in, everyone looked up, I said hello to the room in general, no response, they just carried on what they were doing. Even the girl in charge didn't say anything. So I walked up to her and engaged her. She then answered my questions, but that's all, no welcoming chat.

I felt someone should have welcomed me and grandson in, or am I the one in the wrong?

OP posts:
username099 · 06/06/2019 09:35

I find this with every mums group I've been to apart from the rare one. It's usually quite clique-y and I don't fit into their groups!

Gamble66 · 06/06/2019 09:37

It's a local playgroup, get over it - a welcome would be nice but they don't need a formal greeting policy.
You did the right thing approaching the coordinator but otherwise you are really overthinking this.

Anarchyshake · 06/06/2019 10:01

The other mums may be anxious and may have been going long enough to speak to a few of the other members, but could be very unsure of speaking to new people. I know I've felt like this.

Blondieg · 06/06/2019 10:02

Wow gamble, harsh.
It can be nerve wracking attending a new group, a friendly face isn't too much to ask from a group that's meant to be social and supportive

Gamble66 · 06/06/2019 10:16

Look if the op said everyone sneered at her or made racist remarks or similar then there is an issue. What she described was meh.

Gamble66 · 06/06/2019 10:19

Perhaps the other mums are nervous, anxious or introverts ? It's nice to get a welcome but sometimes you just have to break the ice yourself - it's a playgroup not a proffesionally run therapy session for goodness sake. She approached the leader sensibly.

Dvg · 06/06/2019 10:21

I would just try another group, i went to one that was the same.. no one talked to each other at all but i went to another and it was okay, obviously you have to put yourself out there but it can also take time for people to warm to new people but i found the second group a lot more welcoming.

Hahaha88 · 06/06/2019 10:22

I think it's highly rude. I've been going to one since lo was born. I always try to speak to new faces and the staff 100% speak to new faces. I'm sorry you were ignored OP

Nanny0gg · 06/06/2019 10:22

If one person walks into a group and says a general Hello then the group can bloody well look up and say Hello back.

Otherwise they are rude.

pigsDOfly · 06/06/2019 10:22

Probably par for the course for these sort of groups.

I'm the sort of person that will talk to anyone and everyone but I've joined things in the past, not toddler groups, and even though I've tried to engage people in conversation it can be very hard work.

ooooohbetty · 06/06/2019 10:42

I found this when I went to my first one many years ago. I got over it by thinking I'm just here for my child to meet other children and just got myself a coffee and kept myself to myself. I did join other groups and at one found a nice group of women, and two of them became my friends.

Flobochin · 06/06/2019 10:48

Thanks the positive posts - I probably won't go back to that group, I think there is another group I can try.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 06/06/2019 10:54

This happened to me when I went to a few play groups. I honestly thought they were so rude and unfriendly. I found a really friendly play group run by a church. This was so lovely. Try a church based one, it might be better.

Pinkvoid · 06/06/2019 11:02

That sounds rude and unnecessary. Baby groups can be quite cliquey at times. Just try another one and hopefully it’s better.

Sparadrap · 06/06/2019 11:02

I found the groups really varied. There were a couple I tried that seemed to be attended by mums who had all gone to school together. They were completely unwelcoming and pretty much ignored me.

I did find 2 lovely groups in the end. The people that attended them were far more varied than the other ones. There were older mums, younger mums, grandparents and dads. The mix of people meant it was far less cliquey.

There will be a nice group out there for you I’m sure x

HomeMadeMadness · 06/06/2019 11:27

YANBU OP I think in a nice group the leader would welcome someone new and make an effort to make them feel included. I would try a different group

MorondelaFrontera · 06/06/2019 11:34

It takes time, people might look unwelcoming but you end up meeting really friendly ones

The point of the group is for the kids really, not to socialise.

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