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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for some mumsnet wisdom

8 replies

Blablaa · 06/06/2019 02:39

Recently I’ve been feeling increasingly lonely and unsupported despite having a lot of people around me. I have a fair amount of friends, some family, in laws and acquaintances; yet the only people I feel actually care about me are DH, DSis to an extent and I have a fairly good relationship with DM in terms of how we get on although I have no question whatsoever about whether she cares about me as I know she does.
I am starting to feel really down with others in my life, I’ve experienced similar things with a lot of them. Competitiveness, happy for me as long as I’m not doing better than them, want to talk about themselves but when they ask and I tell them about me there is little interest, try to cut me out of groups slowly but without being upfront about it, even though I offer support to them I get no offers of support when I’m going through hard times which they know about, spend a lot of time bragging and showing off to me, try to extract details of my life without fully telling me theirs, don’t treat me in the generally favourable way I might catch them treating others.
There are more but that’s all I have the energy for right now.
I wanted to know if anybody has felt like this and if so how did they overcome it? One part of me seriously gets that this sounds whiny and pathetic, indeed I would probably be the first to point this out if it was somebody else. The other part of me just wants to get to the bottom of why people treat me like this and get some advice on how to overcome it. I feel down quite often about this and am started to feel like it more and more.

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Decormad38 · 06/06/2019 02:49

Didn’t want to read and run. Definitely felt like this at times when I’ve been a bit low and didn’t feel friends were receptive to that. I think they were used to seeing me buoyant and couldn’t cope with the me that needed support.Flowers

Mintlegs · 06/06/2019 03:09

Try not to focus on this too much. Concentrate on yourself. Do things, keep busy, enjoy life/the simple things. Exercise. People can be drawn to happy people. Don’t ‘Try’ so hard, it will come

Utterlyexhausted · 06/06/2019 05:10

I feel exactly how you’re feeling - you’re definitely not alone. I can imagine loads of others feel the same as well.

You’re an empath as I am & people (especially narcissists) can sniff you out a mile off. One thing I’ve learned is that you have to stop ALLOWING people to treat you like a doormat. Don’t allow those people to waste your time talking about themselves. There are kind, gentle & honestly caring people out there that you will find to be worthy of your friendship..it takes time but they are there!

Honestly, take your knowledge of seeing through people’s crap as an asset, a lot of people don’t see it & wonder why they haven’t got true friends..

Also, the older you get, the less you care about small minded people..it’s such a RELIEF!😂 (I’m just 45 btw😁) xx

StreetwiseHercules · 06/06/2019 06:28

I have felt like that quite a few times over the years. I would say I have become harder for it but I am happier for it too.

I don’t really make friends now as I don’t want any more. I have a group of childhood friends and we talk a lot on WhatsApp and see each other a few times a year. Beyond than it’s just my DW and kids and that’s all I have the mental energy for. And DW’s family are nice.

Anyone else who brings stress or drama to me or who think I exist to do stuff for them or keep them happy - they are cut out.

DroningOn · 06/06/2019 06:32

Reduce contact, invest your time and energy in those people who you identify as being a positive contributer to you wellbeing.

Not all people are compatible and crucially, people change. What worked and was fun 5 years ago isn't necessarily true now.

Orangeballon · 06/06/2019 06:36

Utterlyexhausted is absolutely olspot on with her post. Try to focus more on yourself, give your self a treat like a pedicure or a massage. Be good to yourself.

Blablaa · 11/06/2019 00:48

What do people mean when they say, take care of yourself? Do you mean mani pedi spa massage that sort of thing? I’m sure that’s nice but can it replace meaningful friendships? Or do you mean something else? I guess i am sick of friendships that do nothing for me. Sick of talking to people for talkings sake, sick of people who aren’t genuine.

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Blablaa · 11/06/2019 00:54

@Utterlyexhausted I can’t wait to get to a point where I stop caring!

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