Hi all,
I feel really hurt by my partner of 5 years. I have our first child just 3 weeks ago and thought things were fine. However, my partner has a gambling addiction and had battled with this on and off since I've known him. Recently he started dabbling in this again and lied to me about it. Historically I've always had to log in to his phone to look at his Internet history to keep an eye on him. It's not an ideal situation obviously!! We've now figured out how to totally self exclude from all betting sites and we both feel much happier that regardless of temptation that he can't bet on his phone anymore. Anyway, before we had done this (today), I checked his history on his phone again (yesterday). He doesn't know I searched but when looking to see if he'd been on any sites I came across Internet history for him googling porn. He's always told me he hates porn and that it does nothing for him yet he searched quite specific things such as 'Asian Big ti*s' and 'camera girls'.
It's really knocked me, as I suppose trust is already an issue thanks to his gambling. I now feel rejected, especially as I'm not feeling my best after having a baby.
I feel I should speak to him about it but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable to be hurt over it? I know that a lot of people view porn.
An added issue at the moment is that his mum is seriously ill with terminal cancer and as you can imagine his emotions are everywhere. I don't want to add extra upset right now but neither do I think I can even contemplate being intimate with him until I get reassurance.
Any advice would be really welcome. Please no judgement about me looking at his phone. For the record I don't look at texts etc, just Internet history.