To have a crush on someone other than my partner

[SquidwardTortellini]

Name changed for this!

So, I seemingly have a crush on someone other than my DP.

I actually met him before I met DP. We met in college as teenagers about 10 years ago. I had a bit of a crush on him then and we were both single, but it never progressed into a relationship (I didn’t and still don’t think he felt/feels the same way).

I left college and we didn’t speak or see each other for 8/9 years. I barely thought of him. Met DP four years ago and we’re now engaged and have a young child. I love him and our little family dearly.

Now, I’ve just recently come across crush on FB and added him (probably a bad move in retrospect....) He is also engaged, has a young child and his fiancé is currently pregnant. We’ve now started talking via messenger (PURELY friendly and platonic, nothing romantic or sexual) and I can feel the crush creeping back!

I would NEVER act on my crush (I love my DP and my family and wouldn’t want to tear my relationship and two families apart for the sake of a silly crush), but I still feel so guilty for having one! Surely my DP should be enough for me not to develop crushes on other men? I genuinely don’t feel like there’s anything lacking in my own relationship and I love DP dearly, so why is my mind wandering to other men? Argh.

I’m hoping this is just a fleeting thing that will pass. I suppose I should stop talking to crush but don’t want to offend him by suddenly stopping talking to him for seemingly no reason (as far as I know he isn’t aware that I have a crush on him).

Has anyone else developed a crush on someone other than your partner, despite being in a happy and fulfilling relationship? I wanna know if this is normal or a sign that something is amiss in my relationship!

Thanks

Anyone?

I think you should stop talking to him. Someone might be along to say a crush is fine but in my opinion finding someone attractive and actively chatting to someone you know you’re developing a crush on is very different.
Would you be happy for your partner to be chatting to someone they have a crush on?

It’s entirely harmless and temporary. Just don’t shag him.

I think you know you shouldn't be talking to him if this is how it's making you feel.

Not fair on your DH.

I'm one of those that will easily say there is nothing wrong with a crush and chatting to someone, because talk is talk and fancying someone is normal.
BUT it becomes a problem when you hide it from your dp, if you find yourself actively hiding this friendship and questioning if you should be talking to this guy (because you've asked I think you already are questioning it) you need to stop talking to him because it's not going to end happily and can cause some major issues.

Of course it OK to have a crush. You can't help who you find attractive. What's not ok is you actively seeking out contact with your crush. Just stop talking to him. Easy.

I definitely had a crush on a colleague... probably more than one if I think about it. Texting or chatting certainly feeds it in my case but the whole thing has tended to fade considerably during times when we’ve not been in touch or I’ve not seen them. Try not to worry about it but think about cutting down your contact with this guy...reduce your time talking and keep yourself busy so you’re not sitting wondering about him.

Stop playing dumb, you actively sought this out and now you're pursuing it. It isn't for anyone on here to tell you whether something is wrong in your relationship but similarly, I'm not inclined to reassure you that what you're doing is ok. It isn't and you know it, you wouldn't be happy if the shoe was on the other foot and your DP was doing the same thing.

Agree with PP that a crush is totally fine and normal but you've progressed to chatting to him which is probably not a good idea.

I second what NeatFreakMama said. Nip it in the bud.

I wish I was a neat freak Mama, my house is a disaster atm!

You might be fooling yourself but you are not fooling us

Just fade out from talking to him. You are not important to this guy so he won't be remotely bothered, will he ?

Just a passing catch up. He will move on and so should you. If you really wanted to, that is

It's a dangerous line you cross when you start chatting to a crush.

Just stop talking to him, you would not like it if your current partner treated you in this way.

I wouldn’t worry about having a crush. But I would stop talking to him online. That’s where the potential lies for a comfortable crush to creep in to an emotional affair or more.

AmICrazyorWhat2 more a desire than state of my house haha

Unfollow him on fb. Stop messaging. Keep it in your head and on mn and youll be fine.

Some fabulous faux - innocence going on here OP. You knew what you were up to. Time to unfollow him and stop chatting.

I think you know you shouldn't be talking to him if this is how it's making you feel

This

This is just someone you met in College and haven’t seen for 10 years. Then you looked him up on Facebook and started messaging him?
There’s nothing wrong with your relationship but there will be if you start actively pursuing other men! YABU. Jeez.

How would you feel if your DP did what you're doing? He reconnects with an ex crush just as you have.

By saying you don't want to offend your crush, you are not prioritising your relationship and putting his feelings above your DPs.