to be terrified to have sex again?

[crinklebook]

I had a baby a few months ago. I'm not with my ex anymore as he was a complete narcissist which became all too apparent whilst I was pregnant. As soon as I found out I was pregnant he wouldn't have sex with me as he found it weird. I wasn't complaining, I was so sick that that suited me.

14 months later, here I am. Given birth to a baby, recovering from a prolapse, and wondering how I can ever have sex again. I'm nervous about it and feel like MOST of the time (I understand lots of people find themselves here too), you're having sex for the first time after a baby with someone you love and trust.

I was sexually assaulted at a party when I was 15 so am funny regarding sex anyway. It takes a lot. But it just feels different now.

I've had counselling and have dealt with the assault. But I guess I feel guarded when I don't know a man well. I think that's normal to some extent anyway.

Back to my point. Is having sex after a traumatic birth awful? I'm terrified and feel that if I was with someone I knew and loved it'd be easier.

I think what you're saying makes sense, and it's fine to not want sex. You don't have to force yourself into pretending to be interesting in sex when you've just had a baby of course sex isn't going to be your focus.
I'm currently pregnant and even thinking about once the baby is here I can't imagine being interested in sex for a good few months,at least.
I think most woman who have a newborn have bigger issues than trying to make themself ready for sex again. There's no rush, When the time is right you'll know it and you'll feel differently.
It's fine to wait untill you feel comfortable with someone again!
I have no advice about the awful situation you faced as a teenager though.

I think it's fine to want to take a while any way. Traumatic birth and prolapse here too and I felt like the mental side of it took a lot longer than I expected, and that's with an understanding OH. Physically it's fine, if a bit different but I've struggled with the trauma and what feels like a new body in some ways.

Don't rush, when you find someone decent, talk to them about your concerns and I'm sure it'll be ok.