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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not being able to open my mouth without sobbing?

14 replies

Neckercheiftheif · 05/06/2019 13:56

I know I need to learn patience and to get over it but the sleep deprivation that comes with putting a 15month old in her own room is making me feel so low and tired!
DP and I are just sniping at each other constantly and we are unable to enjoy each other’s company. I’m unable to enjoy anything at all.
The constant whinging and night wakings are just grinding me down!!!
Please send help!!

OP posts:
Flamingnora123 · 05/06/2019 18:32

I can't send help but send lots of empathy! It will get better one day, you might even find yourself liking your husband again eventually Flowers

TheFastandCurious · 05/06/2019 18:34

Ugh it’s the WORST isn’t it? Honestly drove me to insanity (and sterilisation) but it comes to an end I promise. Bit like a prison sentence.

Bunnybaubles · 05/06/2019 18:39

Is it really that bad 😳 I'll be putting 11 month old DD in her own room in the next couple of weeks 🙈

I totally sympathise with the sleep deprivation tho, DD has had a few illnesses over the last few months, it's been torture!

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 05/06/2019 18:46

Why do you think your baby need to go into her own room? She really doesn’t have to.

BertrandRussell · 05/06/2019 18:47

If it’s upsetting everyone don’t do it.

user1473878824 · 05/06/2019 18:48

@hormonesorDHbeingadick so helpful!

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 05/06/2019 18:50

user1473878824 I’m just reminding the OP that there is another option. If putting her DD in another room is resulting in her feeling so bad then perhaps it’s not the best thing to be doing at this moment.

bridgetreilly · 05/06/2019 18:50

Right, but there might be other reasons why she does need to, e.g. if the OP is about to have another baby.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 05/06/2019 18:53

Which is why I asked why she needed to put her baby in her own room.

bellylaughs · 05/06/2019 19:22

I can really sympathise with you OP. Sleep deprivation is so damaging for everyone involved. It’s also not ideal for baby as they need long periods of deep sleep ideally.
I would highly recommend taking a controlled crying approach. Read up on it, decide the intervals that work best for you and baby (eg: go in every 2 minutes, pat baby on the tummy/back briefly and leave etc)

It will be difficult if baby cries and cries, but if you decide to go for it you must stick to it.
It could take a couple of nights but once she learns how to allow herself to nod off all your problems will be solved!

I did it with my four babies, it was horrible listening to them cry but it took 1-3 nights for all of them and from then on they slept brilliantly with a long nap in the middle of the day too.

I literally can’t recommend it enough. I know some people think it’s cruel to let a baby cry at all but I firmly believe it’s just a matter of letting them learn how to nod off without your help. It saved my mental health each time I did it and it gave me happy and well rested babies. (Who have grown in to well rounded emotionally “normal” teenagers!)

thegirlracer · 05/06/2019 20:07

I second bellylaughs it all depends on your parenting style.

Controlled timed crying worked for my when my DS went through a phase of massively kicking off when I put him to bed (he wasn’t always like that) but he suddenly started doing it.

You leave them to cry for say two minutes then go in, say “shhhh” lay them back down and stroke their back or their hair. No talking. And walk out. Of course, the crying starts again but this time you leave them for four minutes and go back in and say “shhhhh” and lay them back down and walk out and then leave it for 8 minutes and then repeat.

By doing this you are teaching them that they need to settle themselves but you are also teaching them that you ARE still there and you’re still around. The fact that you are increasing the time is just giving them more opportunity to settle themselves.

I’m by no means an expert, I only have the one but that worked for me after about four nights he never did it again.

What I do know is that if your want your child to sleep in their own room and you don’t want to be effected by night wakings then teaching them to self settle is paramount. Because then when they do wake up during the night having learned to self settle when they first go down to bed, they gradually learn to do it through the night as well.

Like I said, really it depends on your parenting style. A lot of people are against this method and against “sleep training” entirely.

I’ll leave you the link to the info below. And I really do feel for you! Sleep deprivation is just purely bloody horrendous Flowers

www.jofrost.com/controlled-timed-crying-technique-ctct/

EmeraldShamrock · 05/06/2019 20:13

Keep going, your nearly up the mountain, keep telling yourself not much longer, it will be worth it.
Every year even feel months mine get easier, bar the sleeping in their own rooms
I wished I stuck it out even if it took months, My DC rarely or ever stay a full night in their own beds, 11 years later.
First DC is a huge adjustment to both of your lives.

RaspberryBubblegum · 05/06/2019 20:42

If it's upsetting all of you, you don't have to do it. We bought an extra cot, took one side off and pushed it up against our bed. DD goes to sleep in her room but if she wants to come in in the night she is more than welcome. She is a very settled confident child and we get no disturbed sleep.
About to have baby number 2 and have just put their cot on the other side of the bed.
I realise this won't work for everyone but thought I'd mention incase it's something you'd like to try 💐

EmeraldShamrock · 06/06/2019 18:18

Maybe leave it for a few months, they usually move on once they get a toddler bed. Are you sleeping ok when she is in the room, do you co-sleep at the moment.
Do it when you're all ready, there is not right or wrong time.

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