Family photos with baby - excluding parents

[AcrobaticCardigan]

We had our first baby this year and while DH and I have taken pics of each other with the baby, we’ve hardly any pics of the three of us together. I feel especially sad not to have that special first snap of us in hospital - both families visited us and got us to take pics of them with our new arrival! I was obviously not quite thinking straight for a few days following the birth or I would have asked them to take one of us, but I am quite surprised that neither of our families wanted that pic for themselves, or even thought that they should take a pic for us. This seems to be something of an ongoing trend - we see DHs family quite regularly - they’ve hundreds of photos of themselves with the baby but never take any including us. Is this unusual? If my DD has children I am pretty sure I’d love to have pics of her and her family not just me & the baby!!

When my DS (11) was born I asked my mum to take a photo of my husband and I with our new baby however, she decided to take it on her camcorder! The photos came out really low resolution and blue in colour! They were the only photos of the three of us. It still upsets me today. I have photos of everyone else holding my son but like you say not one thought to take a photo of the three of us. When my second child was born I was taken into theatre, I had a male midwife who was amazing, he grabbed our camera and took loads of photos of us. Recently I went through hundreds of photos and I'm in hardly any of them in my children's early days, (husbands in loads). I literally have one photo of me holding my son after we came out of hospital and then the next one was about 5 months later! I now have to physically hand people the camera to make sure I'm not always behind the camera! To be honest though I probably avoided the camera in those early days after birth because I felt I looked crap!

I imagine your parents/PIL wanted to be respectful of the fact that you might not want a photo of you looking, let's be honest, pretty rough plastered all over their house.

I'd have assumed that if you wanted a picture of just the three of you you'd ask, or you'd take a selfie or that you'd already asked someone else to take some.

Blaming your extended family for an, understandable, oversight on your part is a bit harsh.

I totally empathise and I think YANBU.
Exact same thing happened with my family and in-laws. They're just inconsiderate. Lots of pics with them and baby, none of us with baby. So I asked some friends to take some of us with baby.
My DH never takes pics of me and DC, which I constantly complain about. As someone said upthread, if I got hit by a bus, if I relied on him to take pics there would be no pics of me to show DC. So, I just do lots of selfies with them.

This happened to me. After my first child was born and my in laws happily sent all the pics out to their family - a far away uncle replied 'Does the child not have a mother?'.

I think that shocked them and they started to include me a bit more but before that there is about one photo of me from years of family do's.

I have got more vocal and intentional about photos as they don't just happen.

Oh OP I understand... my mother in law has a photo shoot with DS every time she sees him. There are hundreds of photos of her with DS, FIL with DS, DH with DS, SIL with DS... I don't think I have more than 3 photos of myself with my son and none of the three of us as a family.

To be honest I wouldn't have wanted the hospital shot as I looked terrible, but I agree it would have been nice to have one while DS was still tiny. Selfies never come out quite right when you're holding onto a wriggly baby at the same time!

Much better having to ask than people just assuming they can take pics when you really don't want them to!

I don't even understand how the entire IL sides can have so many photos of them with a new born, don't let them play pass the parcel with the baby, if you hold him there will be more photos of you!

Ask. DHs family have lovely family photos of them all with DS. As in 'we need a family photo, Rugger!' as a camera phone is thrown to me to take one of them. It took me awhile to realise so now I say 'lovely, after one of the parents first'.

DPILS had lovely photos taken of them with DS - and framed - didn't think to do one for us - but do you know - I don't mind - they were excited. DH & I do not have a "formal" picture with Ds , but I don't really mind. I do have a couple of DS with me when a baby but I look so exhausted and dreadful it is not going to see the light of day. ( I am not photogenic anyway ) we have some lovely photographs of DS. I am glad his grandparents got one & they loved it but really , I can ( sort of - CS - so a bit woozy ) remember the day. Have photos of him from a bit older and that's fine. I am not sure I ever wanted a formal photo but Granny & Grandpa did - so all fine by me.

I'm a bit dumb founded... hand the camera to someone, grab your husband and baby and pose..You sound a bit martyred and precious

Don't ask, don't get. You're making an issue out of nothing. Furthermore, you can take a picture yourself with your camera/phone by putting it on a timer or even holding it out to fit you all in the frame.

Accept this is a non-issue and stop assuming you're being left out because you are not.

Congratulations, I understand. I don't think I have any of that, and my kids are now adults .
Either take a good selfie or get some one to take for you.
Just be kind to yourself .

Thanks all, I do feel a lot better after reading your responses!

As I said it was all such a whirlwind time I didn’t think to ask, however we are a few months in and there are pics of everyone with her but not really with us.

A PP said that people may assume we already have loads of photos (that’s a great point and probably true!) and yes, of course I can ask and I will be more proactive in this going forwards.

These early days are so precious and go so fast you need to get those pics while you can!

@thefavourite - yes, exactly it would be nice not to have to ask!

@RuggerHug that is a great way of dealing with it & my new course of action!!

Set the camera timer on your phone or camera that way you won't need anyone to take the photo. When my son was christened there are loads of couple shots of everyone holding my son and only one really rubbish one of me holding him, I'm not even looking into the camera there is none of my husband and I together holding our son. My sister had her husband had a brilliant one holding my son though. Again, no one said here we'll take one of you two holding your son now!

@jemsynergy - that is awful! You really shouldn’t have to ask at your own child’s christening. I hope you get some gorgeous pics of the three of you soon! X

Same here OP! Family members all want pics of themselves with the baby. I have to ask.

When I worked as a midwife I used to regularly ask the birth partners if they wanted a picture of them all with the baby.

I've always found this odd too.
My ex mil and mum would ask my to take pics of them and baby and then not return favour.
I was like what am I the surrogate and now I can go do one now I've provided you with a grandchild?

As a MW I try and always take a picture of everyone together (due to a sad story I read on here actually). I don’t think people do think of it to be honest, they’re just caught up in the new baby.

My son is 21 months old and as
I read this post I’ve literally just realised we don’t have a photo of the 3 of us when he was a newborn! We live in a different country to our families and no one visited at the hospital. DS was about 6 weeks when we had our first visitors... I have no idea when our first family pic would have been.

Not a big deal IMO, and I’d imagine your family wouldn’t have thought to either. Hardly their fault, it’s not their job to guess your wishes! If you felt that strongly that you wanted one, you really should have asked.