Is he a creep

[rustystapler]

Don't want to hijack another thread plus this scenario isn't as black and white.
I am in two minds whether a colleague is creepy or just simply odd .
He follows me into my work cubicle to talk at his coffee breaks. He hangs around looking for Reasons to talk . He emails and texts me mindless memes and jokes. He conjures reasons for needless meetings . He directs conversations at me in work groups, sits near me, touching gestures . He gets carried away with praising me about work achievements to the point of making me uncomfortable . He tries to organise out of work events with him and me but work related.he says nice things about my hair, clothes . He says nice things about my work ethic . Is he a creep . I do like him as a person . He is a funny man and we get on well but at times it makes me think 🤔

With other people, is he socially adept? If yes, then probably he's a creep. If no, then probably he likes you, would like to take it further, and has no idea he's making you uncomfortable. Be firm but not cruel.

He has a crush on you. Perhaps mention a boyfriend or girlfriend you just started dating?

He has a girlfriend so don't think it's a crush. He is full on for sure

I don't get a romantic vibe from him At all

That's because it's not reciprocated. If you fancied him you'd interpret his behaviour differently.

He already has a girlfriend?
My immediate thought was he's desperate to share you.

Now I think yep, creep, seeing as he already has a gf to shag.

Have other people noticed?

Lol share you?
Shag you.

Well, does he make you feel really uncomfortable when you're talking to him? That's usually the hallmark of a creep.

we get on well
Maybe he's a bit socially inept, thinks you're friends and is trying to be friendly but getting it a bit wrong? Not every man is a bastard, despite what some Mumsnetters appear to believe. Some are just as human as most women. (The bloke on the other thread however is a grade a bastard)

I think he's interested in you, and is waiting for a definite sign from you that it's reciprocated. I think the problem you have is that you're clearly being nice to him - you say you like him as a person and that he's funny and you get on - and so he thinks he has a chance. I think if he's starting to creep you out you need to pull back: stop engaging him. The girlfriend part is irrelevant - I have worked in many different places and there was always someone with a partner who ended up having a relationship with a colleague. I can think of 2 'nice' men I worked with, who had GFs and dumped them for a colleague.

He can be odd at times.. inappropriate if you know what I mean. In general. I have absolutely no interest in him in anything other than a friend . I do find him extremely funny and interesting though. He is great to talk to and good at his job. I read the other thread and only saw a few replies but didn't want to hijack. My colleague is innocent and sweet. I think he enjoys the company and the fun aspect to our friendship. Plus I am years older than him. I see him as my younger brother so have started to drop that line into our chatting. I found that His texting got a tad eager of late and so did his positive personal comments so I have toned things down . Can't decide whether odd or creepy though . He doesnt stare at body parts inappropriately or anything as such

Other colleagues have noticed I think as they will give a wry smile but they know he can be a bit odd about things so it doesn't upset the atmosphere as such but it can embarrass me as he might tell me my clothes are lovely or my new haircut is pretty

He's only a creep if he makes you feel uncomfortable by well, creeping. I'm not sure why you would even ask if he is a creep if infact he basically just sounds like a decent person who likes your company and has a bit of banter.

However if he makes 'innapropriate comments' then maybe that's arguably creepy but it depends on the nature of the comments I guess and whether or not they make you or others uncomfortable.

This might be ridiculous but sometimes I think he knows when I'm on line and starts messages then. Maybe it is entirely coincidental .
He is very open about his personal life and habits too. If I am busy during lunch hour I and close off my cubicle , he will normally come in and out during that time. O I don't know if I am being too sensitive about his behaviour .

Do you communicate with him out of work? Reply to his messages?

Sounds like he has a crush on you for sure.

That doesn't automatically make him a creep though....

I do communicate . It's relaxed and light mostly . He has got a little heavy in the personal remarks lately actually . I don't text as much as him and I never begin the typing

Your instincts are telling you he’s a creep, that’s why you’re posting. He has a girlfriend yet he’s pushing friendship boundaries into something more with you.
Assuming you wouldn’t be interested in dating if he was single? Set boundaries, you are at work so it is not unreasonable to keep it professional- tell him you’d prefer he didn’t comment on your appearance, tell him you’re too busy to chat right now, if he’s setting up unnecessary meetings call him out on it, ignore out of work messages, etc
Tell him you’ve got a date, watch his reaction. Bet you once you apply boundaries or make it clear you’re not interested you’ll find out how ‘nice’ he is.

Note I’m not saying you couldn’t be good friends with a man, but your instincts are saying something is off so my reply is based on that.

Thanks. Over the last day or two I've alluded to my own social life and interests . I've clearly , in context, told him that I view him and respect him like a little brother whose company I enjoy and how it is great to enjoy that at work.
Thought that might drop the hint but instead he has become myactual and virtual shadow .

Right. In view of this close and personal relationship you now have, you should surely be able to say to him that he's crowding you quite a bit and that you like your space?

I think he’s into you.

I may be way off here but you said you don’t get any romantic vibes off him and you that you’re years older: could it be a maternal thing that he sees in you? Does he still have a mum / does he see his mother? Apologies if I’m miles off the target here!!

a little brother whose company I enjoy and how it is great to enjoy that at work.

Ah dear, you've fell into a trap here. He isn't a creep, from what you've described, he is a PSYCHO. The whole revenge thing and keeping tabs on colleagues...the dude is unhinged. Often we make the mistake of trying to be extra nice to these sorts when we feel uncomfortable/targated...it's not the right move. It's the worst thing you can do as it makes you appear 'weak' in their eyes. They don't see kindness like we do. He won't think 'ah what a nice person, who likes me, i'll be nice to him now'. He'll think 'Weak person who I can target and attack'. You need to just gtf out of there.

The whole revenge thing and keeping tabs on colleagues...the dude is unhinged

What revenge thing? I feel like I'm missing something in the OP!

Even if he can see if you're online (I hate apps that allow this function) you can read his messages and not reply, if you don't want to, you're under no obligation to speak to him.
If your cubicle is closed, then I'd be making it clear I didn't want to be disturbed, especially if you're busy.
It's bothering you enough that you've made a thread on MN, so I'd be examining why that is. You don't have to be nice to anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable.