Help me not be so angry [suicide trigger warning]

[Wishiwasincornwall]

Very very dear and close family member went missing and attempted to take her own life earlier this week.

Completely out of the blue, no family or friends were aware of preexisting MH issues, no signs on the lead up even on the day in question, no obvious trigger.

I want to be fully supportive, loving and compassionate as I FULLY UNDERSTAND that to be at that point all logic goes out of the window. You truly believe it is the only option and you are not able to think about other people. I cannot begin to imagine the turmoil she felt at that time and I love her very much.

But...

I can't help but secretly feel very angry that she would do that to her children. That she didn't reach out to her loving supportive caring family when she started feeling this way and getting help before it got this far. I know IAMBVU and I want to stop these thoughts but I don't know how or is it normal and helpful to have these feelings?

I was angry at the cancer, but there were times when that anger displaced and I was angry at my friends for leaving me. I knew it was wrong, I knew it was irrational and I made very sure my friends never saw it (although the friend who died last year probably suspected because she experienced the same thing when our other friend was dying).

Shock and grief do strange things to us, if we want to process things in a healthy way we work through the emotions (away from anyone who would be hurt by them!)

UnicornBrexit-I cannot believe you had the hypocrisy to call the OP judgemental. Your post is utterly clueless. Being close to someone suicidal is a nightmare and throws up all sorts of feelings, which the OP is trying to deal with. Guilt-trippig her and suggesting that she just keep away could be the worst thing imaginable for her and her friend (who might need, love and really want her in the coming days).

There was also a huge factor of feeling utterly helpless, I don't do helpless well and that also tended to translate into anger - which I worked through away from the people who needed my love, strength and support!

What everyone else said above. It wasn't really her that did it but the illness. it wasn't a rational decision. Rational her would never have done it. It took me a long time to learn that one. if there was no clue leading up to it maybe something happened like a change of medication or something to unbalance her?
She's here though and that's great, and so lucky. She can make a full recovery from this

My Dad committed suicide and I understand how you feel. I came to terms with it a long time ago, but it is selfish. I understand they are in a bad place, but no one really thinks of the people left behind if they do go through with it.

The unanswered questions, the overwhelming feelings of guilt, the pain you have to live with every day. No one talks about how you're supposed to deal with your fractured life in the aftermath. I hope your friend is ok, but you are allowed to feel like this. My Dad ruined my life.

Meant hope your family member is ok

You feel how you feel. Don't let others tell you otherwise. And it is normal to be angry. Suicide is selfish. Yes the person is in indescribable pain but the 2 are not mutually exclusive. Allow yourself to feel your anger. Go howl at the moon and vent on here. This will mean you don't have to say it in real I life. X

When I was at my worst, I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want to be a burden to anyone and would feel guilty if anyone had to go out of their way to bother with me. I didn't think I was worth it. If anyone was nice to me I thought it was out of pity and they were lying. I wasn't suicidal but I did believe that if I just left and gone somewhere then nobody would have to put up with me any more.

You're completely allowed to question things OP and to reasonable people it doesn't mean that doing so equates to you blurting things out in an inappropriate manner.

Wonder how your friend felt at the point of attempting suicide?

Suicide is no more selfish than wanting someone around solely for your own feelings.

Anger is a normal stage of grieving. There are ways to work through it, and I hope you find one that works for you.

www.griefandsympathy.com/anger-stage-grief.html

It's normal to feel that way OP. I lost a friend to suicide and was surprised at just how much anger I felt. In his case it wasn't a surprise, we all knew he had mental health problems, everyone around him tried to get him help.

Don't be hard on yourself for feeling this way. The feelings will pass, just accept them as part of the process of coming to terms with what's happened.

I disagree that suicide is irrational, it’s simple logic. If you don’t like your life you change it and the quickest way to do this is to end it.

I tried to kill myself a few years ago. While I was in turmoil I had no mental health problems and I didn’t seek out friends and family. The decision to kill myself came quickly and I seized upon it. It wasn’t well enough planned (obviously) and I survived by the strangest of flukes.

People were very kind to me afterwards but I did notice a muted anger, particularly from mothers. It was sort of touching but I really didn’t care. I felt that it was my life to live or end. It’s never mentioned now and I am very happy.

I have mental health problems. I've been taking on board the 'talk about it' and 'reach out' messages that are all over recently. I'm not sure why anyone thinks telling people can actually help. Aside from the gp who can put me on yet another type of meds, telling people doesn't help, all it means is I've spread the pain. Possibly she didn't reach out because she couldn't see how it would help.