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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to change my mind about baby name

53 replies

Cantthinkofausername1990 · 05/06/2019 09:31

So baby no. 2 is due shortly.
I chose the name for our first child so I told dh to choose this time - I said as long as I don't really hate his suggestion we'll go with it.
So we found out at 20 weeks were expecting a boy. He told me his name suggestion and I didn't love it but didn't hate it either. Although uncommon, it is a normal name. So I agreed that's what we will call him.
So he has told all his family and my family that this is the baby's name, when talking about the baby he uses the name he has chosen as does our other ds. Some family have bought personalised items with the name on it.
But now I'm not sure I want to go with this name. WIBU at this stage to say I've changed my mind on the name when dh has been calling the baby this name for the last 4 months?

OP posts:
Aprillygirl · 05/06/2019 10:48

If you come up with a name you prefer I would suggest it to your DH, but I think it would be very unfair that you insist on a name change now unless the name is really terrible......is it?

VickyEadie · 05/06/2019 10:54

I want to know what the name is

Come ON, OP! Even if it outs you, this issue is clearly important to you and needs our proper opinion. S'what I think.

PhillipeFellope · 05/06/2019 10:57

Yanbu. Unborn babies names are subject to change. It's daft to buy personalised items before a baby has arrived.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/06/2019 10:59

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CHANGE YOUR MIND.. sorry to write in shouty capitals OP.. You have to call your child by this name for the rest of his life.. sit down and talk about it with DP.. tell him how you feel. Is he the kind of man who would insist on it in the face of your objections. How about having it as a middle name and a first name you BOTH agree on.. and also telling the whole family stuff is always a bit like asking permission and then getting a backlash when you change your mind. Not that it matters if you do.. its what you and your DH think that counts. if you don't like the name,better tell him now than at the font, but no I don't think you are being unreasonable to tell him how you feel. It would be unreasonable to bottle it up and resent it. xx

VickyEadie · 05/06/2019 11:00

It's daft to buy personalised items before a baby has arrived.

My best friend from school's older sister was expecting a baby (said baby is now 38) and sister declared when she was about 4 months pregnant that child's name was to be Elizabeth. Cue their Mum - excited about her first grandchild - knitting, sewing and making baby clothes, on to most of which she embroidered the kid's name.

Guess what happened when child was born...

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/06/2019 11:01

It was really silly to tell everyone the name, the baby may not even suit the name when they come out. Yanbu to want to change the name. You will have carried the baby for 9 months and are the one to give birth. It would be stupid to be lumbered with a name because people have spent what cannot be more than a couple of hundred quid tops. However I think you and your dh should come to an agreement in a new name together.

KitKat1985 · 05/06/2019 11:01

Do you have another name you particularly want or is it just that you are not sure about this particular name?

I think you are a being a tad unreasonable. You agreed that your DH could choose a name, and you agreed with the name he choose, and he's obviously bonded with these name for the baby now and people have bought the baby personalised gifts etc. I think you've left it a bit late really to change your mind.

ittakes2 · 05/06/2019 11:15

Similar thing happened to us - we have twins and I had chosen one baby name and my hubby had chosen the other and we had called them their names since the beginning. I got cold feet closer to the birth and made other suggestions but my hubby said how can we call him something else after we have been calling him X for so long? we didn't change it and I am glad now as the other names I was suggesting does not suit him.

MadamMMA · 05/06/2019 11:16

Is it Pugsley

ChrisPrattsFace · 05/06/2019 11:28

I have to agree with the YANBU.
I don’t think you should set a name in stone untill the baby has arrived safely!
We have a name in mind for a girl, we haven’t told anyone because we may change once little arrives!

VladmirsPoutine · 05/06/2019 11:32

Tell him now. How on earth is it too late? The baby hasn't been bloody born yet!

MrsCharlesBrandon · 05/06/2019 11:32

I'm one of those mums, Told girl and had a boy!

He didn't look anything like the name we'd picked for a boy so was nameless for a while.

You can absolutely bring up your wavering on the name, or even just say "Well what if he doesn't look like an X?"

I want to know the name too Grin

lottiegarbanzo · 05/06/2019 11:34

Did you know he was going to go around tellng everyone? That's the silly thing here, I think.

Anyway, no-one other than the two of you gets to name your baby, so I feel it would be ok for you two to have a chat and change your minds. Maybe keep this name as a middle name. Then confirm and tell others after the birth.

If your DH is amenable to change, setting aside the 'telling everyone' issue, then it's easy to say 'oh, we got cold feet', 'just found we liked name x better' or 'he just looked like a X'. Other people may be a bit put out but they'll accept it.

NunoGoncalves · 05/06/2019 11:43

I don't think you're unreasonable to have second thoughts, but given you told your husband yes and he's been using it and getting attached to it, I do think you need to have a conversation with him about how he feels. See if he'd be open to changing it and be prepared for him to say no, not really! In which case one of you will have to compromise. That's married life!

GeilistheWitch · 05/06/2019 12:02

PP have made valid points about your entitlement to call your child whatever you like.... HOWEVER, you really shouldn't be changing your mind now, firstly because you told the baby's father he could choose.. (why make it "her choice" / "his choice"? You are both the parents- choose together) and secondly because you have unwisely told all and sundry what the name is before your son is born - a terrible idea as they have all started using it and even bought personalised gifts - which is jumping the gun on their part, but they couldn't have done it if you hadn't given them the advance information. (and , of course, what if the baby is a girl?)
So personally I think you would be really, really unreasonable to change the name now...... unless your DH has also had second thoughts, which doesn't seem likely if he is using the name constantly.

What I would suggest is you choose a middle name you like and then your son will have the option to use that if he prefers it to the unusual name his Dad has picked.

DarlingOscar · 05/06/2019 12:08

YANBU - baby isn't even here yet. If you're having doubts already then you have to discuss this - it might be that there is a name you could both agree on?

and what is the name.....

Conks · 05/06/2019 12:15

Yabu.

Ifeelbloodyawful · 05/06/2019 12:25

Why on earth has he told everyone the name before the baby has arrived safely? I always think it's really peculiar when parents do this. Relatives buying personalised items for an unborn child, even more so.

YANBU to change your mind, but you and your DH will both look a bit silly if you do. Although that shouldn't stop you if you are really unhappy about the name.

Also, what is it?

nokidshere · 05/06/2019 12:29

We called our first baby James from about 20 weeks when we found out the sex. We both liked it and were definitely calling him that. Except he wasn't a James when he arrived and his name came to us instantly so that's what he became.

Speak to your DH, decide for yourselves, it matters not what other people might think.

NunoGoncalves · 05/06/2019 12:39

Why on earth has he told everyone the name before the baby has arrived safely? I always think it's really peculiar when parents do this

It's quite common in some cultures/countries. I think it's nice using the name when you talk to/about them.

CaptainCabinets · 05/06/2019 12:43

ICould you call him 'So'?*

GrinGrinGrinGrin

CaptainCabinets · 05/06/2019 12:43

Bold fail but Sara’s comment tickled me!

steppemum · 05/06/2019 12:53

well, I find it astonishing that people have bought things with the baby's name on it! And that he has gone around using that name to all friends and family.

To be honest, whatever the name, if dh had done that, by the end of the pregnancy I would have felt that the actual baby and the hyped up one were two different things, as if the name didn't actually apply to the real flesh and blood baby, because the name is so widely used before the baby arrives.

So, I would sit down with dh and say - I have a problem with this name, with you using it, with everything, and I want to put some breaks on.

Anything can happen, including the boy turning out to be a girl (happened to 2 families I know!) Or even just thinking the name doesn't suit them

DappledThings · 05/06/2019 12:54

Why on earth has he told everyone the name before the baby has arrived safely? I always think it's really peculiar when parents do this

Why is it peculiar? We didn't know what we were having either time and never announced names per se but once we'd decided would happily tell people who asked it would be X or Y depending on sex. I find it weird when people have decided but keep it as this big secret.

steppemum · 05/06/2019 12:58

brakes - obviously

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