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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about “dropping in” friends

40 replies

mybeebop · 05/06/2019 04:14

my DH has several of these. Friends that randomly drop in of an evening to socialise with him. I have never had girlfriends who do this. Any get togethers with women I know have to be booked and planned in advance as everyone needs to organise childcare. I’d absolutely love some drop in friends. Friends who randomly text me and say “I’m round the corner, can I pop in” AIBU to want that? Do other women have that? If you have that, how do you get it!?!?

OP posts:

rainbowgirl80 · 05/06/2019 10:35

I have a friend like this who will say she's just passing will she pop in and some days it suits then other days I'll say no but we understand life is busy with kids ect.
I also have a friend who will just ring the bell if I'm home. The other evening DH had taken dc out and I was sitting down with a cup of tea for half an hour in my pjs and next thing she arrives. I was a bit taken aback when I saw her but in fairness I actually had a lovely time chatting to her and really needed some adult chat, my initial reaction was of embarrassment for being in my pjs and toys all over the floor were she didn't care.

justmyview · 05/06/2019 10:39

I much prefer someone to phone and ask if it's convenient with 15 to 20 minutes notice. That way, if it's convenient for me, I just have long enough to finish whatever I'm doing. And if it's not convenient, I feel I can say so

I don't like people turning up completely unannounced, as I could be in the middle of something, but it feels rude to tell them that they aren't welcome when they are standing on your doorstep

iamkahleesi · 05/06/2019 10:46

I would love this too but no one seems to do it. As for the house being guest ready, if we're good enough friends for you to drop in then we're close enough for you to take my house as you find it. It's always 'lived in'

MaudesMum · 05/06/2019 10:59

I'd always want someone to text first, because a. I work from home a lot so might be working and b. I don't drink milk, so tend to need to pop out for some so I can offer tea or coffee..

oohyoudevilyou · 05/06/2019 11:10

I think it's a bit rude to just drop in. A text even 2 minutes before arriving takes no time at all and makes all the difference. It means I can get dressed (tend to be in PJ's if I'm just relaxing at home), shut the dogs in the kitchen and chuck toys in the box.

thecatsthecats · 05/06/2019 11:20

To be fair, I only hate the idea of people dropping in because I am only there to be dropped in on rarely due to being so booked up in advance otherwise.

This leaves me with only so much time for the quiet enjoyment and maintenance of my home! Only four weekends so far this year have not been chocka with plans. The last two I have made enormous strides with the garden and house, AND had chilled time. If someone tried to drop in I'd have murdered them.

MorondelaFrontera · 05/06/2019 11:25

If I am alone, I just don't open the door so that solves the problem. It's more tricky when the kids are there, they wouldn't understand if I was blanking visitors.

Ellapaella · 05/06/2019 21:31

I'd hate my friends to come round unannounced in the week as I have so little time to myself during the week I relish my evenings to put my PJ's on and do nothing!
Weekends I don't mind but prefer a text first. I often meet up with friends either with or without kids impromptu on the weekend but it usually involves a quick text before hand.

managedmis · 05/06/2019 21:33

Hell no.

I need at least several days to plan, prepare emotionally etc.

Feck drop ins

HomeMadeMadness · 05/06/2019 21:35

I definitely used to as a kid/teenager. Don't really do it now but can't say I miss it. If I was exhausted just settling down to binge on netflix or finish my book I'd hate someone to pop round when I had no excuse to say no.

Xyzzzzz · 05/06/2019 21:36

Nope I’d hate this and wouldn’t do it to someone else.

HomeMadeMadness · 05/06/2019 21:37

The last time someone actually did drop in was when There was a problem with the kitchen sink so I had a load of washing up piled everywhere and the vacuum was broken so the floor was a mess. We'd also had an Indian the night before and not tidied it up properly (just chucked everything into a big bin bag). It was so embarrassing - she kept sending me recommendations for cleaners.

fedup21 · 05/06/2019 21:45

I despise people dropping in-I would never do it to anyone else and find it really rude!

nokidshere · 05/06/2019 21:55

I have no problem with people dropping in at all. My house doesn't need to be ready for anyone. If they don't like it they can leave. If I'm in the middle of something they can make coffee and wait or leave. If it's a tip then it's a tip, none of my friends would be the least bit bothered about the state of my home if they turned up unannounced. If I'm too busy I tell them so.

I love having a busy house, my teens friends are often around and teenagers that I previously childminded as youngsters often drop in at odd times too.

I don't tend to drop in on people without texting first though.

CassianAndor · 05/06/2019 22:07

I would love it but it never happens.

Do you feel annoyed, OP, because these friends of your DH don’t seem to have any responsibilities that mean they can come round to yours at the drop of a hat? And women are less likely to be able to do that?

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