Parents in relationships with partners on SOTP *massively triggering for obvious reasons*

[loveislandsunisland]

I'm just going to blunt and say AIBU in can't get my head around any parent who could enter/carry on a relationship knowing/becoming aware that their new partner was a convicted offender re: child abuse?

On a thread I clicked on today there was a link to this website - frg.org.uk/ParentsForum/search.php?search_id=active_topics

I absolutely support a forum that is supportive of parents/family etc who offer advice whether that be to parents whose child/children have been deemed to be in need/at risk - what I can't understand is having only going through the first couple of pages that there are mothers who are questioning why their new partner with a conviction of either viewing the highest level of child abuse photographs or actually abusing shouldn't be prohibited by child services from introducing their children to the new partner.

I'm not going to copy and paste sample posts but a couple stick out are 'he told me he doesn't feel that way now', ' he's been on a SOTP so doesn't feel that way now', and the best, 'SS accuse me of putting my new partner above my children yet I've promised I'll not introduce them until they're 16 - seriously???'

This is an anonymous forum - we can all name change. What I genuinely would like to understand is can any parent (and lets face it - mostly mothers) who having found out their new partner had been convicted of viewing child abuse etc, having been convicted, to possibly contemplate carrying on a relationship?

I can't comment much but what I can say is there are partners programmes and support services for people in these positions, to help them understand risk, safeguarding and to give them help if they choose to move on from a relationship. Denial, minimisation and blame play a big part for many.

Omg that forum is horrific.

Is this your first ever post on MN, or have you NC, OP?

Not clicking on the forum but absolutely cannot understand how anyone could even think of staying with an offender who has abused children in any way.

From what I can see there's only one post on there about SO and that's from presumably a man (perhaps not) who is asking on behalf of his 'partner'. He's been given a fair answer by the mod so what's the problem? I wouldn't do it ever EVER but it sounds like SS and the courts are on the ball in this case so if that person is deemed a risk they w

Won't be seeing the partner's kids.

There was once a programme on tv, Dermot Murnaghan presented it. It was a gross but important programme where they interviewed child abusers, from all walks of life, both in the UK and abroad.

The consensus was, from the abusers themselves, that they needed to stay locked up, because they couldn't change who they were, in a nutshell, kids was their "thing".

Its a bit like saying we would change the type of person we were attracted to after spending 6 mths in jail. Never going to happen.

I like to believe in rehabilitation, but there is a big difference between someone nicking food from a shop to feed their kids and someone with a perverse mind to be wanting to harm kids.

No I can't understand it. I suppose I can see that some of these men will be abusive in other ways and it may be difficult for a wife or existing partner to see the wood for the trees when she is being gaslighted, manipulated or threatened. But I absolutely cannot get my head around a woman taking on a new partner who is a known child sex offender. I clicked on your link and all I can say is I fucking hope that woman's ex does apply for full custody and is awarded it. Imagine moving in someone who has been convicted of possessing cat A images to live with your children. Fucking disgusting.

^BBInGinDrinking Tue 04-Jun-19 23:02:17
Is this your first ever post on MN, or have you NC, OP?*

I've NC - report my OP to mumsnet to check it out?

I looked though I wish I had not. There is more than one post if you go to the main forum

There is someone called Suzy dedicating all of her time giving people really good advice though and when I read what she was writing I thought at least people do have someone to ask these questions to instead of hiding it away and I can only hope that they come to see sense in what they are doing. Most people are quite fixed on SS being at fault which is very worrying

I have no problem with Suzi giving advice (to the offenders or partners) and wouldn't disagree with the advice she gives - I'm just dumbfounded any woman could be with a person who was convicted of viewing child rape, getting off on children.

For any one those posters on that forum who may read this - Put your children in front of your current BF - There is never/ever a reason/excuse to be in a relationship with scum who would view child abuse.

For any parent who would give the benefit of the doubt to a new partner? Shame on you - maybe time to put your kids first instead of your desperate need for man x

op, are you also @nanoonanoomindy, who has also only posted once, with a link to the same website? if so, why have you name changed twice to feed traffic from here to a different platform altogether?

Why do you need us to look at that website?

I don't think you'll get an answer from the OP, pp. I didn't overnight. It concerns me that pps are being encouraged (goaded?) to share their traumatic stories and being encouraged (goaded?) to read traumatic content on the website link, especially if there is a hidden agenda. I'm sure MNTowers will be taking a look this morning.

So much emphasis on treatment and rehabilitation, but lots of these ppl don't get better, ever.

I can confirm @BBInGinDrinking that I've asked @MNHQ to look into both posts .

Thanks Watcher Me too.