1 ticket per child event at Nursery, AIBU to say I go?

[ShesSoGrown]

Split with ExH last year due to him being violent towards both me and DD.

There’s a leavers event at DDs Nursery in a few weeks’ time for parents (she’s almost 4 and starts school in September) to H+S and the layout of the Nursery this is a 1 ticket per family event in the first instants.

I pay all the fees, I do all the Nursery runs (ExH deliberately arranged his contact on my days off work when I offered him the opportunity to pick her up from half a day – contact is court ordered but we both got a say in court), I am the one they call if she’s ill/injured/upset, I am the one who takes time off work if she’s too ill to go, I am the one who does all parties and playdates – if one falls on his weekend with her I have to pick her up from him take her and then drop her afterwards.

He pays maintenance but that’s it. If I ask for help with anything else then I get told his pittance covers it (He pays less a month than I earn per week). He didn’t want phone/skype calls between his contact, he never asks after her if I text him and say she’s ill, he still uses her to try and manipulate me and when I don’t pander he reports me to SS maliciously saying I neglect her and abuse her (we had a lovely social worker when we first split and she calls Nursery first and then me to check we’re ok, she doesn’t even visit anymore that’s how concerned they are about her being in my care!)

He’s kicking up a fuss saying I need to demand a second ticket so he can go. I want to say no, if he goes he’ll tell the other parents how he was abused by me, how I stop him seeing his daughter etc. Or he’ll not turn up and claim that I stopped him. Either way he’ll say I stopped him.

I will add he is perfectly capable of and has the contact details of her keyworker (I’ve given them to him and if he’s lost them they’re on the Nursery website and also if he messaged the Facebook page and said I need to speak to my daughters keyworker they’d get her to ring him) but he won’t as he can claim he’s hard done by if I don’t do it.

Obviously the Nursery say if there’s tickets left and other parents/grandparents want to attend they give the tickets out so he could contact them and ask to be told if a ticket becomes available.

AIBU to say I want to go and it’s up to him to sort with Nursery if he wants to go?

Definitely not. If he wants to go he needs to speak to them. Not your problem as you organise most of the nursery stuff.

You organised, you transport, you pay so you go. He can get in touch and argue it out with them if he wants.

Up to him to sort out. Nothing to do with you, let him stew.

I’m sorry you have a crap ex. If he wants a ticket that’s nothing to do with you, this is just another way he’s trying to be abusive to you. He’ll claim to be hard done by whatever not to wast a moments energy on it. And congratulations for escaping.

Definitely not. Don’t do anything. If he has a go at you say ‘you could ask them for a ticket, you’re an adult. The social worker has told them about you.’

Please do not get another ticket for him. If you do that, then another 1001 demands for you to dance to his tune will follow - and whatever you do, however well you do it, it won't be good enough in his mysogynistic, bullying opinion. He just likes the control.

So let him squeal and shout and stamp his feet - and, if he really needs one, he can go get his own bloody ticket - if he can be bothered.

for you lovely.

He is being controlling. It’s His choice to arrange to go, he is nothing to do with you anymore. Why on earth would you??? I’m sure he will say everything is your fault whatever you do!

What a shit
Fuck him

He needs to contact nursery and discuss this with them. Otherwise you will be doing it for every nativity and school play forever. He will use it as a rod to beat you with, take it from one with the scars.