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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to feel like a failure parenting

3 replies

kellyb85 · 04/06/2019 18:26

please, any advise would be greatly appreciated.
I have a daughter who is 8 next month and a newborn baby who is 11 weeks. It took me 4 years to eventually have my little boy after 5 miscarriages and this pregnancy was absolutely horrendous. I was poorly from 5 weeks up until I gave birth - it was an emergency c section at 36 weeks and when he was born he had quite a few issues so I stayed in special care with him for 10 days. So I finally brought him home and yes I have been quite over protective with him BUT not over the top. Anyway my 8 year old daughter has been quiet for a few days now and we have had quite a few arguments since baby arrived with her just being silly or being a bit clumsy/rough with baby or just doing stupid things like her friend dared her to stand in dog poo and she did it!!!! This is completely out of character. Anyway I shouted at her before as she was trying to sit in babies baby bouncy seat (obviously too big and it would break) and she started crying saying everything has changed since baby is here and she doesn’t like it and wants it to go back to how things where before. She said I’m always shouting at her and that I am constantly with the baby and she feels really confused as to how she feels about the baby. I have tried to explain to her that baby will get a lot of my attention at the minute because he is so helpless at the moment and soon as he starts crawling and playing with her things will probably ease off a bit and she will have a little best friend but at the minute he is too fragile. I also explained I am tired 99% of the time so I will be a bit moodier then I used to be but soon as baby starts sleeping through I should be ok.
I just don’t know what to do with her and I was devastated when she said that and feel like a complete failure.
I even took her for a mammy/daughter day to the salon and have tried numerous things for this not to happen but it has anyway

Please help

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 04/06/2019 18:29

How are you letting her be involved with the baby? Does she get to help qith bottles or dummy or nappy changes?

Surely when the baby is asleep (some babies its a large portion of the day) can baby nit go in swing chair or wherever and then you can focus on dd?

Sirzy · 04/06/2019 18:30

Your not a failure.

But you do need to remember that it sounds like she has had a year of disruption and now you have basically told her that she will have to get used to being second best for the time being.

Can you arrange to spend some 1-1 time with her more often? Make sure there is time in there each day.

embod · 04/06/2019 18:51

You’re not a failure at all. Sounds like you’ve had a really tough time.

However you need to make time for some 1:1 time with your daughter. She’s feeling pushed out and you need to remind her how much you love her and her brother.

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