Just do homework with what you've got

[hipslikecinderella]

Aibu to hate how DH does homework with kids?
For piano he decided the pieces given were boring and so encouraged ds to play things he, Dh, already knew. The result was every time they practiced, i could just hear dh relearning pieces to show to ds. Final result was ds made no progress and quit piano.
Ds has a French oral today, and I've worked with him on the notes given to practice. Dh steps in- this morning- to teach ds some more showy phrases, as dh is fluent in French. Poor ds came to me clutching new things written down to try and remember for today.
Aibu to think at age 9, we should just be reinforcing what's been give. Or at least do that first before going off piste like dh?

I have this too with DH. It's like it becomes about them. I agree it can be annoying. We have had arguments over maths, his way being right and them not teaching it the same these days.

Um, it's not supposed to be a trip down memory lane for DH, or a chance for him to show off, it's about making sure the child is well versed and comfortable in what they need to know for the test. What they need to know, is what they've been told to learn. Not what DH would prefer to focus on.

Is he more interested in showing off than in assisting his child? If so, then perhaps DH isn't the best person to be pretending to assist his child with his homework, even if he is better educated in the subject.

I think what you;r getting at is starting from where the child is. Rather than what DH knows. I also get this with FIL about the music. I have to have boundaries with him. No, DC have their own books, their own teaching plan. It can be quite hard when they do want to help though.

Ugh my dad was like this. For example you could say ”I have to do an essay about Roman gladiators” and he would say ”I think you need to write all about the Battle of Britain, then because I think it's better” and then wouldn't stop going on about it. You need to stand up to him now and use examples of how his version of homework isn't helping the DC as they will get confused and probably be made to do the work again as they get older.

YANBU at all!

Have you tried to discuss it with him?

As a former teacher I could always tell when parents were trying to show off their own knowledge and pass it off as helping their children as 99% of the time it resulted in worse work.

The teacher will have set the homework based on what they want to test/reinforce your child's learning of, so teaching them other things is not going to help them if they fail the tests/knowledge checks based on what they are supposed to have learned. It's no good being able to spell "Mississippi" if the spelling test has asked you for the word "dog".

My DD is fluent in Spanish as it is her native language and when we moved back to the UK her primary school taught Spanish which I thought would be great as it would give her a chance to use her Spanish at school not just at home. I knew that it would be at a far more basic level than she knows but I thought I'd give her a chance to try it. Within the first term I had to speak with her teacher as DD was always getting bad marks in Spanish. It turned out that she was using far more advanced language/structures than the exercises asked for and so wasn't demonstrating the skills being tested, therefore "failing" the exercise. In the end we agreed that I would send her in with Spanish reading books and work books that were at her level that she could work on while the other children worked on the basics rather than have her effectively fail because she was too advanced.

He's being a self indulgent twunt.

Mine is going to start GCSE coursework soon so am getting him guides for this. Also did for key stages. Maybe that would help. It is annoying.

YANBU, OP. Your DH is BU, though!

Have to agree with melj1213 about the mark scheme as well - in one subject, my DD didn't score well in Primary tests because she wasn't sticking to what did well in the marking scheme. Same subject in Secondary school - near the top of her set. No massive change in ability, just the mark scheme now counts what she's done all along. I do try and stick to what the teacher has asked for, homework-wise!

Sounds like my dad used to do. It always ended up very badly.

My dad was always like this. If I went for help with basic fractions we would end up still there 4 hours later while he had taught me how to solve quadratic equations. If I told him I didn't want to do all of this extra work he would get mad at me and tell me I was lazy.

I ended up very good at maths, but those aren't exactly my favourite memories.

It’s a form of performance parenting where the parent’s wonderfulness is more important than the child’s progress.
He is not helping your DS he is massaging his ego.

If he wants to teach DC French then I think that's fine but it shouldn't be a formal teaching session with a view to crow barring the information into an exam. For the purposes of homework, he should stick to the script.

I use to love, love having my Dad teach me stuff though, especially science where he'd rig up some science experiment up in the kitchen to demonstrate his point. I have really fond memories and I was a bit in awe about how he knew so much.

I guess what I'm saying is that, at 9, I wouldn't come down on DH like a tonne of bricks for this. It's not like dc is sitting a GCSE and he might be getting more out of the experience than just a muddled revision session.

Ha my Dad used to be like this too, maybe it’s just a Dad thing? It almost always resulted in bad work.

My stepdad used to do this. I remember once asking him a question about organic chemistry and he went on for hours. There were scribbled diagrams and somehow it all ended up being all about the meaning of life and our place in the universe

I was great at chemistry as well, with someone who actually knew what I was asking it would have taken a few minutes for me to “get” it.

I don’t think my stepdad was showing off, he just had no awareness of the wider context of any questions. He does struggle with social cues though. I stopped asking him in the end though, it just wasn’t worth it.

@SignedUpJust4This Agreed. Somehow many men have this ability.

Tbh I see his point. I think she issue is that it should not stress out your son but by all means he (your son) should capitalise on both your knowledge bases. My dad was a scientist of sorts - I was always more into the arts but my science grades were more or less always top of the class.