To ask how the hell you get over mum guilt???

[username9201]

It's constant- DS is 2.
Every time I even look at him I feel guilty!
I feel guilty about the recent split with his dad and now he goes between two homes.
I feel guilty when my energy is lacking and he plays on his own.
I feel guilty for the times I get conscious that I'm sat on my phone while he plays and not watching him.
I feel guilty when we don't get out often enough or when I shout.
I feel guilty when he's at nursery.
I feel guilty when he won't eat a proper meal or doesn't eat a proper breakfast.
The list goes on and on.

I'm not on my own, am I?

It sounds like you’re having a really tough time. How recent was the break up and do you have any support?

We all have bad days, days when we are irritable and they really test us. We all have days when we’re tired or poorly and rely on CBeebies to parent for us.
We can’t always afford trips to the zoo or soft play or whatever.

You need to focus on positives too.
Your son has a loving Mother, you can shower him in hugs and kisses, tell him how clever he is and how proud you are of him.
Take him out to a park for a run around or go look for the gruffalo in the woods.
If you need a break why not build a fort with him and watch TV from inside, then you’ll not feel as guilty for taking some time for yourself.

Parenting is hard, it can be relentless at times but it sounds like you’re at the end of your rope. We all get that way sometimes.

You poor thing, it sounds like you're having a really tough time. If your son is safe, clean, fed and loved, you are doing an awesome job, I promise

My health visitor gave me some tips for this. Basically aiming to be 'good enough' rather than perfect and focusing on some simple things which went well that day. Things like a hug, or getting through the day, a clean, well fed child. To get things in perspective. She was fab.

I am the same op

Sorry, read again the bit about not eating well. She meant basically focusing on positives.

You need to ditch the guilt. It's a completely wasted emotion with no positive effect for anyone.

You are doing your best for your family. Parenting isn't about spending 24/7 interacting and "quality" time with your child. It's providing a happy home where they can grow and be themselves.

Food issues don't last forever, don't sweat them, make small meals that your child likes to eat. Playing alone is good. Being together in a room comfortably but doing your own thing is good. Child has a ball at nursery. Plenty of children have two homes these days and it can work well.

Feeling guilty implies that you think you are doing something wrong and then it's easy to transfer these issues to your child without meaning to. Be positive, be happy.

Thanks everyone.
I'm completely overwhelmed by it this morning. Usually it's just a normal amount (I think) of feeling inadequate some days and worrying about irrational stuff.
This morning I'm literally just sat in floods of tears feeling like I'm letting DS down and that he deserves more and just feel overall useless and thinking of his innocent little soul and how I just want him to be 100% happy but how I could be so much better!!!
Ugh, it's just horrible. I'm hoping it passes.

I was listening to a podcast about single parenting this morning and it had a great tip on it:

"As soon as you start surviving then you can start thriving".

You and your son sound like you've been through a lot lately. Take it a day at a time. Focus on the small positives. Parenting is hard. Be kind to yourself

Also (looking at your last post) it's not your job to make your son happy 100% of the time. That's impossible. There will be lots of times in his life when he will be sad, angry, upset. It's your job to care for him, nurture him, feed and clothe him, and love him so that he learns to cope with his difficult emotions.