To take my DC's to their great-grandmothers funeral

[WinterWillow]

My grandmother passed away last night, and as it was expected I had already had the talk with my DC's (5&3) and explained that nanny would go to heaven with bampi as she wasn't well, which they accepted.

I feel that it is only fair that they attend the funeral as it was their great-grandmother but I'm not sure this is socially acceptable?
They have a good understanding of heaven and god etc., and have coped well with the news.

AIBU to take them?

I didn't take mine to my dads at similar ages because I wanted to be a daughter and not a parent. I also wanted my DHs support. I could have coped at my dgm funeral if I'd had dc at that stage. They came to the wake and that was enough.

My cousin took her 2 (similar ages to your's OP) to her grandfather's funeral. They both behaved well in the crematorium, and afterwards they certainly helped to lighten the whole event, as he was very elderly, it wasn't a hugely sad affair.

I can't see a problem if you feel they should be there. They're are in the direct family line, and it is obvious that both their parents and their grandparents will want to be there. Their place is with you on a day when people are likely to be upset for reasons they can't completely understand. I'd probably feel different about the small children of a distant cousin.

I also don't see a problem about drinks, food, tablets if quiet and discrete. When I took my 1.5 yr old to my mother's funeral, I did it for my benefit (I didn't have anyone who could have babysat him) and reasoned that people would understand that he was too young to know what was happening, and so it was no disrespect for him to be sitting in the front row with a drink.

Mine were 5&3 when my DGM died. They went to the funeral and wake afterwards, we lived 300 miles away and it was a lovely time to spend with them and family. My DH was prepared to take them out if need be, but this wasn’t necessary. They were the only children, in fact my sister was the next youngest at 34! Everyone loved that they were there.
My other DGM is slowly nearing the end of her life (100 years long) and they will certainly attend hers, along with their 2yr old sibling.
I think it’s incredibly important for children to see that their parents are human too, and that being sad and crying are perfectly normal things.

Mine went to funerals from that age and younger. I assume small children will be part of any family funeral and I really notice the absence of children when a funeral lacks them.

If you are worried about the three yr old getting restive you can sit near the back for a temporay exit but honestly nobody will notice unless they scream the place down! At that age as well they are not likely to be upset but can ask some odd questions and make people laugh.

I wouldn't take a five and three year old to anyones funeral. That's far too young and seeing other people upset could then upset them. But everyone is different.

It's a personal choice situation. It's up to you but I would run it past your family in case someone objects (and sit at the side for quickly nipping out)

I do actually remember during my grandfathers funeral one of my young cousins piping up with a question about 'is pappy in that box?' - which wasn't the best to be honest, and often you or other people crying will upset children

You know your own children best though

Personally I would speak to those closer to the deceased - ie her children and see what they wanted and would respect that

However if it's geographically possible I would take them to the wake - thats what we did with one of my children's great grandmother's funeral