What more can I do?

[Susiedog]

I feel I've reached the end of the line with this.

Ex partner and father of my children (we've been separated for seven years since the youngest was a baby) has a huge gambling problem.
This has been going on for several years (it was the reason we separated) but has recently escalated and become worse.

I still care about him for the sole reason he is my children's father.
He lives with his mother, has no rent or bills to pay.
He works hard and earns a good wage, but within a day or two of his wages entering his bank he has blown the lot (literally down to nothing).

It doesn't effect me from a financial perspective as I pay my own mortgage, bills etc and are finances are completely separate.
Our youngest child is severely disabled and I am his full time carer.
The children's father offers no support with this.

I have tried to help him by offering to make him a doctors appointment (and offering to accompany him) but he refused this.

I have given him the contact details of local support groups but again he refused.

He constantly begs me for money, which I refuse because I need it to pay my bills and feed and clothe the children etc.
I have also made it clear to him that I will support him in any way I can but that I won't help financially. I also feel this would be adding fuel to the fire and encourage him to do it more.

All his gambling is done online, so I suggested this month that he puts some cash aside in a safe to keep him going over the month and dip into it as and when he needs it.
He said "I'm not doing that! Why should I?"

I have reached the point now where I just don't know what else to do.
I have health issues myself and feeling really low at the moment.

Would it be selfish of me to just let him get on with it?

No he’s an adult and he’s an irresponsible arse. I’d be contacting cms for maintenance

You can't help.

A gambler, like a smoker needs to be the one to decide to stop. It's heartbreaking, I know as I have personal experience of it. We tried everything, but it's an addiction, and until they decide to make changes there's nothing you can do.

I'm sorry you are going through this. He needs to admit he has a problem firstly and tackle it by self excluding him self from the sites or go in to a shop and gamble as they Have limits on spins. it's an awful addiction, it's a good thing he no longer lives with you so it doesn't impact your family. I wish that they had brought in the limits in online and not in shop

You have done everything you possibly could to help him. You can feel sad for him and wish you could help him without it being your responsibility to do so - or within your power to do anything. If he's not interested in changing or being helped, and is actively trying to exploit you, there is nothing you can do.

The life you need to focus on protecting is your own. You can't save him, but you can save yourself from being pulled under and destroyed by him. And by extension you save your child, who needs you and will end up being harmed too if you keep pouring so much of yourself into this man to your own detriment.

That's not selfish.

You have been split up 7 years! You need to step back and leave him to it

Fuck him, not your problem.

If he has an income you could apply for CMS and they will take the money from his salary before it enters his bank account. Better it's spent on his kids than frittered away.

I wouldn't give him a penny. I wouldn't help him any more. You have to prioritise yourself and your kids. Until he's prepared to seek help there's nothing more you can do to help him.

Worry about yourself and your children. Give him a wide birth, he does not deserve your attention.

He is a selfish person who doesn't want to help himself.