2nd marriage and changing surname

[user1469830006]

Hi, I'm new to this so forgive me if I've posted this in the wrong place.

I am divorced with 4 children. I am getting married again to the most wonderful man. All is good apart from one thing which I would like to get views on please. My children don't want me to change my surname. Their reason is because me, my partner and his children will all have the same name and they won't. They say they won't feel like part of the family. I want to take his name but I also want my children to be happy.

Anyone here have experience with this before and how did you handle it? Thanks

You don't have to change your name because you're getting married... I think, in those circumstances, I'd keep my name for the sake of the children. You could always change it later.
Or, could you double barrel?

Simple - don't change your name. If you really want to then double barrel.

I wouldn't want a different name to my children, my eldest has his dads surname and I hate it. I'd double barrel.

Legally you definitely don't need to change your name. I am remarried so I have a different surname to my DD. She has a good relationship with her dad so don't know if that makes a difference.
How does your DP feel about you taking his name?

As someone who doesn't get why women change their names, I'd say you need to stick with your kids. Double barrel if you must. Maybe revert to your original surname if you feel odd about keeping an old married one? You'd be different to your kids but not "on the other team" by having the new husband name.

Thank you everyone for replying. I should say that I never changed my name when I got married to their dad and have always been my maiden name. So I'm actually not the same name as them anyway! It's more that they just don't want me to be the same name as partner's kids.

I think I'll just keep my name as it is to keep them happy. As said by another poster.. I can always change it at a later date.

Thank you x

What sort of ages are your kids?

They can be known by any surname. ...just not changed legally...then when they become adults they can formally change

Going against the grain here but change it. The kids are more scared of the unknown and not feeling part of the family, they’ll soon realise it’s about much more than sharing a name. Plus kids don’t stay kids forever and if you have a daughter she may one day change her own name.

I say this as a former child who didn’t want her mum to change her name when she got remarried... for those exact reasons

Child me hated it with a passion but only temporarily, I soon realised it was no big deal and we was just as much a family A before

In your circumstances I'd keep it as it is because it gives a sense of continuity in a time of big changes for all of you. I didn't change my name upon my marriage either as my maiden name is part of my identity.

Congratulations and I hope you all have a happy life together.

My children are preteens and a teenager. My partners children are much younger

Keep your name, it is not a slight on your dh to be, or his dc. I will never understand why a woman's name is called a maiden name and considered somehow temporary. If you were using your ex's name it would be different, but this is your name, hang on it.

My kids have double barreled to exh and me. And I'm double barreled to me and new DH. New DH is double barreled to me and him and his kids have is surname.

So my kids are AB. DH and I are BC. His kids are C.