To think he wants to check up on me.

[WhereForArtThouBray]

My bf and I dont live together, no children together. We spend most weekends together but not all. Usually if we spend it separately it is because he has other plans. I am much less sociable and rarely do stuff with out him. I have always been more of a home bird whereas he has lots of friends and loves going out.

Today he asked if we have plans at the weekend and told me his friend was coming to his for a few drinks this Saturday night but we could spend Saturday day time and Sunday together. All fine no problem.

Later I was chatting to my sister and she says oh if you are at a loose end come and meet me as she is going to be out local to me.

I mentioned it in conversation that I was going to be meeting my sister at out local on Saturday and he says oh why don't you both come up to mine after the pub for drinks.

Well I wasn't invited until he thought I was going out. I am not bothered about not being invited preciously, I think it's healthy to spend time with your own friends. I am just suspicious that he has only invited us now to check up on me.

I said no thanks, you have boys night, I don't want to gatecrash. To which he said he had wanted to see me and was planning to suprise me by coming to mine on Saturday night after he finished with his friends.
He didn't tell me because he knew I would say no. I hate drunk people when I am sober, I would have just said to see each other Sunday.

So am I being unreasonable to think he has only invited me round now to check up on me because I am not going to be tucked up safely at home alone?

No I don't think he wanted to check up on you. He just wanted to see you.

Did he intend to ‘surprise’ you by coming round for sex after his night out?

I think it's more likely he felt it would flow better you being there with another female for company rather than sitting with a load of guys

I think he was just being nice.

But he didn't want to see me until he knew I was going out. There was no mention of me joining them and I didn't expect one.

@Barry I don't believe he had any intention of surprising me because he knows full well that he would not be welcome as a booty call in the early hours, drunk. The plan was to see each other Sunday.

That could be right about having another female. Although he could have invited his friends wife if he wanted a mixed night. It was laid out as a boys night.

He wanted to see you. He thought your sister being there would make it less awkward for the friend.

He didn't tell me because he knew I would say no.

That's giant red flag.

Unless you have other reasons to be, concerned, I think he just wants to see you and it less uncomfortable (for you) if your sis is there than just you and his mates. I'd be more inclined to ask DH if he fancied inviting his mate back for a drink if I was having drinks with my friend or sister than having a quiet night in and he'd be more inclined to say why do you and X join us if he knew I was already out.

I think I have been on mumsnet too long and grown to cynical.

This is why it is helpful to ask other opinions!

@MrsTerryPrachett I don't think I have explained that right, I mean he wasn't ever going to suprise me, he knows full well he would have been sent straight home. He has just said that as I said nothing had changed from the original plan so I didn't understand why he was now so insistent on us coming round.

I'd have assumed in that situation that it was because he thought I'd be more comfortable because I had someone there with me that I knew well.

Has he ever popped in "to surprise you" at the end of his other Saturday nights out with his mates when you have stayed in?

If he has then that's fine..maybe he's just being nice

If this is the first time then I think you're right, he'd just uneasy/jealous that you're off our without him. In which case stick with the plan-he's out with his mates, you're out with your sister-catch up on Sunday to chat about your separate nights out.

...but be prepared that he might still call in at the end of the night just to see what you're up to!!

Don't want to drop feed or anything but I have had drinks with just him and his friends, his friend and his wife, and he has been out just him with my friends before. None of those situations would be uncommon or uncomfortable.

@Passtherioja he had rung and asked if he can pop in at the end of the night a couple of times and I have always said no. We all know how annoying drunk people are when you are sober.

Not sure why you've asked for opinions, as you shoot down every one that isn't the same as yours

I clearly said in my post 6 mins ago that I am being too cynical and was glad I asked for opinions. Perhaps you should practice your reading Zippy.

I am not shooting down anyone's opinions, I am clarifying points and questions asked by other posters.

I’m almost certain he has invited you because someone else will be with you, so you won’t just be sat there being “much less sociable” and making his friend feel awkward, like the third wheel.

Just tell him no and you'll see him Sunday. Enjoy your evening.

Perhaps he's hoping as you're out drinking too thst he WILL get Sat night sex

I hadn't thought of that until I posted here, that is the mostikely scenario I guess.

I will still just do my own thing and see him as planned sunday though. I so rarely go out without him. In fact I don't think I have ever because he gets along with my friends and we all have the same interests.

For what it's worth OP, I'm going to go against the grain and say that I think there is a possibility that you might be right.
Maybe he's quite happy with the thought of the little woman at home while he is out carousing, but he's not quite so keen when she goes out having fun without him.

I think you’re correct in your suspicions, OP.

He likes the idea of you being home and available, and doesn’t like you being out on the town. That, and/or he doesn’t rate your company around his friends but wanted a reliable shag afterwards (and someone to make him breakfast??).

He wants you to change your plans so that your night has a definite ‘end time’ he can count on. Whether he turns up at yours (or welcomes you at his) or neither!

Don’t think you’re being contrary or cynical, actually! Go out, refuse to pre-plan the night’s end. Say you’ll ‘see how things go’. If you feel like catching up later on you can, after checking by phone how drunk he is. Don’t respond if he texts every 5 minutes. Do it as an experiment. If he gets stroppy or cross with you, he was trying to curtail your fun or doesn’t trust you (which are both dealbreakers for me, at least).

Have a fun night!

Actually @SleepingStandingUp that is the most obvious answer and I can see that being the case. You have probably hit the nail on the head right there.

I am glad I am not the only one who could see things the way I did. I was worried that I am too overly suspicious!

I think most likely he wanted some drunken fun and I was over thinking it but I will definitely be saying no to invitation to go round and see what happens. Just to be sure.

Trust your instincts.