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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go NC with PIL due to their opinions on renting?

27 replies

Hellojello123 · 03/06/2019 17:59

DH and I rent. Although we both have jobs we can't afford to buy a house as the prices are ridiculously expensive in our area. We have 2 DC's at local primary and teen DC at local secondary so we are tied to the area we are currently in.

DH's parents think that renting is for poor people, a waste of money, stupid, embarassing to admit to (they've mentioned that THEY'RE embarrassed to have DC who rent!!!) etc.

Every time we see them they make at least 4 or 5 comments about this, stuff like "you should really have bought a house by now" ad infinitum. And general comments about renting being for the common and low down. DH has mentioned to them before that we would rather they left the topic alone, for the reasons explained above. Their response was that SIL has her own house, why can't we?

AIBU to suggest to DH that we just go NC? It fucks me right off sometimes.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 03/06/2019 18:01

Tell them you're holding out for an inheritance. Then enquire about their health.

Is DH challenging it every time its said?
I can understand why you're getting to the end of your patiencr

nokidshere · 03/06/2019 18:01

Why does it matter what they think. You won't change their minds so you need to learn to ignore. You cannot change other people but you can change the way you react. Ignore, walk away, laugh at them.

jackstini · 03/06/2019 18:02

They are being silly
Renting is a preferred option by some for flexibility and sometimes buying is just not feasible

Your decision, not theirs

I think your DH needs to tell them in no uncertain terms they don't mention it again

If they insist, maybe a temporary NC until they see sense

lastqueenofscotland · 03/06/2019 18:04

NC is a huge leap. I also think it’s potentially a generational thing.
Just refuse to engage with it as a topic of conversation

Waveysnail · 03/06/2019 18:05

They are irritating about you renting - hardly a reason to go nc

LakieLady · 03/06/2019 18:05

"Perhaps you'd like to give us an advance on our inheritance PILs, so we can put down a deposit on a house?" (head tilt, tinkly laugh). Ideally followed by "But you won't will you, so shut the fuck up about it".

They're woefully ignorant if they don't realise how incredibly difficult it is for people to buy these days.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/06/2019 18:08

Alt.
"You should really have bought a house by now" I know, we're just waiting for an inheritance. How IS your cough?
Renting being for the common and low down we can just not visit if you feel we're lowering the area
SIL has her own house, why can't we? I guess you only did a good job raising one child then mother!
Etc

Or just literally ignore.

catsmother · 03/06/2019 18:13

Oh how lovely it'd be if everyone had the choice whether to rent or not.

I don't know about irritating but they must be incredibly thick (at best) or horribly judgemental, rude and insensitive. Do they believe if they comment enough you'll eventually be able to magically pull your own property out of your arse or something?

Perhaps if they're that embarrassed they could remortgage you a deposit to avoid the 'shame' of it all?! Hmm

PennyStocks · 03/06/2019 18:17

Tell them unless they drop it you'll have to move to mainland Europe, where there's less stigma about renting, and they'll hardly ever see their grandchildren again.

Billballbaggins · 03/06/2019 18:18

Tell them to hurry up and drop dead so DH can get his inheritance and buy a house, the rude pricks

Billballbaggins · 03/06/2019 18:19

That was a joke by the way before I get flamed 🔥

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 03/06/2019 18:21

"you really should have stfu about it now" would be my response....

MrsMozartMkII · 03/06/2019 18:24

Ask them if their maths has always been so poor or if they might have a problem.

birdonawire1 · 03/06/2019 19:13

Maybe get a quote from a lender on a house similar to your rental one showing deposit, repayments and so on, plus a printout if your salaries and outgoings. That should shut them up.

......maybe in red at the bottom....we just can't afford to buy!

TidyDancer · 03/06/2019 19:32

Next time the subject comes up your DH needs to say 'if this is brought up again we will leave and not return until you apologise'. And then when they bring it up, which they almost certainly will, you need to be prepared to leave.

Corna · 03/06/2019 20:10

Got to love the oldiwonks who probably swapped their house for a postage stamp in 1963 being snobby about renters.

Tell them to get over it and then just refuse to discuss further.

HomeMadeMadness · 03/06/2019 20:19

I second PP. I'd probably say you're just looking forward to your inheritance you're hoping for it any day now (OK the last it is probably too far).

I'd also mention that anyone who's anyone gifts their adult children at least 200k for a house deposit.

Livelovebehappy · 03/06/2019 20:38

Absolutely annoying - we had similar from our relatives when renting, but just zoned out when they spoke about it. If you don’t respond then they can’t continue the conversation. Going NC though over something so petty is silly.

pigsDOfly · 03/06/2019 20:59

Love the way some posters counter the idea of snobbishness and stupidity about renting with rampant ageism.

My son rents, he always has done because he prefers the flexibility that renting offers him - is currently living abroad and working freelance. He is highly skilled and earns a fantastic salary so is very far from being one of the 'low down', whatever that means.

I have a very nice house that I let out. The people who rent it are in a similar position as my son. They don't want to buy because they don't want to be tied down to one place, or even one country.

I'm one of those old people who managed to buy a house when it was much easier, I was lucky. I certainly don't look down on anyone who rents.

What you do with your money OP is none of your ILs' business and your DH - as they're his parents - should tell them so.

Going NC with them is a bit extreme but just make it clear, they need to keep their unwelcome ignorant opinions to themselves

Weirdpenguin · 03/06/2019 21:02

Corna oldiwonks?? Yes they are being unreasonable and it was much easier for them to buy a house, but that's a pretty horrible ageist term.

herculepoirot2 · 03/06/2019 21:08

You want to suggest to your DH that he never speaks to his parents again because of this? Confused

fedup21 · 03/06/2019 21:13

Do they really mention it 5/6 times every time you see them?!

I would repeat, ‘we can’t afford it!’ whenever they do.

Weirdpenguin · 03/06/2019 21:25

They do sound tiresome, snobbish and a bit hard of understanding. I can see why you want to see them less. I wouldn't go NC over it though. If it was my parent rather than PIL I would tell them straight that it was getting on my nerves and putting me off wanting to visit.Also not their business.

PennyStocks · 03/06/2019 21:56

Seriously, though, I would say, 'You need to drop this now. You've made your point and you're starting to give offence.' Not discreetly when your DH is alone with them, but firmly and assertively, to their faces, every time. Force them to face up to how rude they are being.

barcodescanner · 03/06/2019 22:01

God this is so annoying, I avoided seeing a family member for years because he had to keep commenting on me not eating meat. I never comment on people eating meat, their choice just not eating it is my choice. Like you I would get 4 or 5 comments each time.