DS misbehaving when he comes back from his dads

[user9827]

Has anyone else had this problem?

DS is 2. After he's stayed at his dads (especially for more than 1 night in a row), he comes back and his behaviour is much more challenging than usual. More tantrums, more pushing limits - even to the point where he was pushing other children in nursery last week (unlike him).

He's not a perfectly behaved child usually, he does push limits but he's mostly well behaved, he just comes back and is 10x more difficult.

My DC were all like this after returning from their Dad’s. Transpired they were utterly miserable whilst there for various reasons so I stopped sending them for over night stays and their behaviour vastly improved.

Any chance anything bad is happening while he is there? Failing that it could just be because his routine is out of whack.

DD was very well behaved as a small child however. Her behaviour would be challenging after she came back from Dads.

I used to run a bath for her regardless of time and give her a bath when she got home. It used to sort of ‘reset’ her. Then a cuddle and a story or something whilst she got dry to give her 1:1 time with me. It didn’t have to take long 15 / 20 mins especially if the bath is already sorted and made a huge difference to her behaviour.

As hard as it is dealing with the behaviour its much harder for the DC going from one parent to another when hey are too young to really identify their feelings.

Yes. My ds2 and 3 are always more challenging for 24/48 hrs after a return from their dads and this has been consistently the case since myself and my ex separated 3 years ago, ds2 and 3 are now 5 and 3 years old. I have chatted with my ex about not spoiling them etc as behaviour at home nose dives after a visit and to be fair to him he is consistent with boundaries but dads house is fun, they dont visit often (eow) so the excitment and the naughtiness spills over at home. I just ride it out, even nursery and school know when they have spent time at their dads, i just know that it wont last as my 10 year old dosent do this.

We also stopped overnights as DD didn’t enjoy them, she was older though we tried overnights between 4 years and 5. She’s now 9 and still prefers to come home and be picked up again in the morning. It may of course not be an option for you to stop them though.

He's happy there. I'd like to think there's nothing bad happening. I do worry about what he's seeing if he's coming back and pushing people etc though, but otherwise I think it's just a difference in boundaries. His dad was always very soft and used to make me feel like a terrible parent for shouting because he was 'too young' and all of this.

Different routine,
less sleep,
different food
loads of 'exciting' activities (ie not the routine stuff you normally do at home)
anxiety at leaving his Dad
anxiety while away from you
less/different boundaires

All adds up to pushing boundaries on return.

Try plain food, no sugar, calm, quiet reassurance. Plenty of water. No screen time.

My ds did this. I found my ex was putting him to bed at 6pm with his tablet, so ex could have some downtime. And telling him to stay in bed until 7.30 am with his tablet so ex could have a lie-in
And the new woman was stuffing him full of Haribo, a kilo tub on the coffee table at all times.

When ds came back he was high on sugar, over tired and jumpy from too much screen time.

primary school teachers commented that ds was occasionally disruptive, always on a Monday after visit to ex. Took 24 hours to calm down, ex refused to listen. Thankfully ds learned that sweets & late night Roblox made him feel bad. By year 3, he wanted to go to his dad’s but not stay over.