Teenager Issues

[Crazydrummer88]

Hey All!

Last weekend after a whole weekend of my DSD talking to me and my DW like rubbish and being disrespectful (as she usually does) but even more so this weekend because we were trying to get her to straighten up her very messy bedroom, i’d had enough and took her contract phone (that i pay for) back as punishment.

A whole week as gone by and DSD has been without a phone and hasn’t been out of the house (school holidays). She’s hardly spoken to me and hasn’t asked me or DW for the phone back. She seems to be ok with DW, but of course i’m the bad one and getting the silent hate you treatment.

I’ve suggested to my DW a couple of times through the week that i drop a hint to DSD that if she is willing to have a conversation with us about giving respect and the rules of how we speak to eachother in the house then she can have her phone back. My DW says as she hasn’t asked for it back then she obviously isn’t sorry enough and i should leave it. I just worry that this may damage the already fragile father/stepdaughter relationship i have with her, as it may seem to her to be a really extreme punishment by me. My concern is that now she’s gone back to school, she will get an older handset from one of her friends and just use that to get her self back on all the social media ect.... and then just hate me for being the reason she doesn’t have the nice new phone she had before.

Obviously i do want to demand respect from my DSD and that was the while point of taking the phone in the first place, but I wouldn’t say i want to cause any lasting damage. My DW seems to be not so interested in what happens between me and DSD aslong as DSD is being friends with her.

Can anybody help?

How old is your DSD?

You can't demand respect, you have to earn that. However, she does need to treat you both politely, and accept that she is part of a family which means people need to get along.

You say it is a fragile relationship - how long have you all lived together. Does she see her father at all? How bad is her behaviour?

You can't demand respect at all. Personally I think you should let her mother deal with it and back off - support her mother but don't deal with it yourself if you want to build a better relationship with your DSD.

How old is she?
Why hasn't she been out?
Did you pre-establish that taking a phone was a punishment?

Have you considered a parenting course?

You've done threads before under a different user name, about 'respect' and you were told back on those you exhibit very controlling behaviours

You've done threads before under a different user name, about 'respect' and you were told back on those you exhibit very controlling behaviours

I thought this sounded familiar.

Do you think things might go better if her mother dealt with her behaviour, rather than you? Given how fragile the relationship already is?

You can demand respect until the cows come home, that doesn't mean to say you will get it.

Personally I would suggest that your wife, yourself and your daughter have a discussion about basic requirements as to behaviour, and jobs, and come to an agreement if you can. Negotiate what needs to be done, how often, when, rewards and benefits earned when done so, consequences when not. Then if enforcement of this is necessary, if the mother were to do it, rather than yourself, perhaps family life might be a lot more pleasant for everybody.

You carnot demand respect. She won't show any respect if you take away her phone for a whole week, that's very extreme. You are fighting a losing battle and it won't change untill you start showing g her some respect.