To ask if this sounds like a narcisstic?

[PinkGlitter123]

1. Big sense of always being right
2. Domineering in their views/their way is always the 'right'way.
3. When told they have caused hurt to someone, they 'poll' family and friends to get their views and to get validation that they are 'right'. Needing validation in that they are a great person is a big part of their character.
4. Idolises people until they disagree with them
5. Makes insensitive remarks.
6. Acts caring at times but as long as it benefits them and they get their needs met
7. Likes to play the victim and is always the wronged party
8. Doesn't bother them if they have upset someone and they can go about their day easily as they feel they have done nothing wrong.

Yes yes yes.

Toxic fil with every trait possible so recognise the signs

Sound just like my father.

And yes, he is a narc, a real one, not just a bit unpleasant sometimes. He is calculating, methodical sometimes, self centred, a solipsist always. Some of the things he has done, to DSis especially, are quite horrific. And still he is the one who gets all the support, the hugs, the sympathy.

Sounds very narcissistic to me ,recently finished a relationship like this,
No empathy, doesnt seem to register if they have said something hurtful either, just pass it off as you being too sensitive or overthinking
It will wear you down eventually
It is still affecting me after 12 months

Yes that sounds right.
The part about getting all the support, hugs and sympathy really rings a bell.

I sent this to DSis a while ago, it made her cry. DF had just sent her £500 of a large debt he owes her. He sent it with an apology. We both waited to see what it was he wanted, why he was being nice, almost normal... I bet I don't have to tell you, you have guessed he wanted more money.

He doesn't come to me for cash any more. Not after my written response was "Yes dad. Of course I will send you the money DH earned standing on the side of motorways and railway lines an 3am during December and January. Why wouldn't I?" Oddly he sensed I was being sarcastic and I have barely heard from him since!

pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2017/02/when-a-narcissist-makes-an-apology/?fbclid=IwAR1AECtY3sY9hYKmsNBbakfProFLc5LxSJPjv9VY8Q9zqcoBy2_Siiq7wkE

Narcissist is just a term people attach to others they don't like. What does labelling achieve? Also, the descriptors are only your own observations, others may interpret their behaviour very differently.

Is this the person you've posted about before Pink? Where people have disagreed with your stance so you keep posting it but phrasing it differently until others agree with you?

So, OP, how do you know my ex?

Joking aside though, it all sounds very familiar to me. Hope you're okay, OP

Actually, NoBaggyPants, narcissism is a Cluster B personality disorder as defined in DSM-IV and DSM-5. What OP describes is the behaviour and demeanour of a classic narcissist. Narcissists cause great emotional harm to those closest to them. I agree that labelling people doesn't help but recognising that you have, or may have, a narcissist in your life (whether diagnosed or not) is the first step towards reclaiming your life and preserving your own mental health.

My mother is not diagnosed but she displays all of the behaviours listed above - and then some. Our whole family is fractured and dysfunctional as a result. My mother is not "just someone we don't like".

Narcissist is just a term people attach to others they don't like. What does labelling achieve? When you are dealing with a real one it helps you realise that you are being manipulated, that your feelings of 'must help at all costs' are not real, they have been developed over decades and that it is entirely reasonable to throw them over, ignore, detach, ignore.

To dismiss it so casually just means you have never met a real one. Sadly some of us spend decades working through the shittiness of being related to them!

Mine was always telling me how wonderful, generous and kind he was, the reality was very different, when i called him out on it,things changed, and he never mentioned it again
Never met anyone so tight,
I have to remind myself of all the things i didn;t like about him to make me forget how nice he was at the beginning, all the love bombing, texts all the time when he couldn;t see me
Then came the silent treatment, no explanations then would turn up out of the blue as everything was normal
Get out now

Yes, they do that too. Say they are full of empathy and kindness 😐
Maybe it's just me. I could be wrong. Maybe its just the experiences I have had and everyone elses is different. I really don't know. 😢

Here are some more traits that you might recognise, PinkGlitter:
1. Divisive: plays favourites and "divide and rule" within the family.
2. Dismissive of anything outside their own direct knowledge or experience. This includes solid facts that contradicts their views or opinions. It also includes experts (such as GPs and hospital consultants) whose advice is not what they wanted to hear.
3. Can be generous - but the generosity comes with a price tag. You "owe" them, and they might attach all sorts of conditions to their gift.
4. Easily bored, especially when the conversation veers away from their favourite topic, i.e. themselves.
5. Suspicious of other people's motives, including those of family members but particularly outsiders.
6. Secretive. Likes to control family news.
7. Lack of empathy. This is the big one, the dead giveaway. They can feign it, but not for long, and certainly not if it means putting their own needs and wants and comfort second. In fact, they can be openly dismissive of other people's suffering and experiences ("Stop feeling sorry for yourself! Lots of people have cancer. They get over it. It's no big deal. I have arthritis but you don't hear me complain!")

If you have a narcissist in your life, then you have my wholehearted sympathy. Such people are emotional vampires and you need to keep a safe distance from them.

Allow me:

1.Divisive: DSis has blanked me for years. She got to share her home with them for decades. it was only after they moved out, persuading her she needed a holiday home, that they visited and never left (over a decade they lived in it), that she approached me and we managed to talk properly/ She is now very determinedly NC with them. And boy is she angry.

2.Dismissive of anything outside their own direct knowledge or experience Ah yes! And my god don't they know everything there is to know about everything. DF nearly killed himself (diabetic) because he refused to listen to me... masters in health, physical activity, working with nurses in a community progoramme for, erm newly diagnosed diabetic patients. But he was right, he has a special kind of diabetes....

3.Can be generous - but the generosity comes with a price tag. I have ahd almost every toy and treasured article taken from me all through my childhood. Weding present was a music centre. Cousin got my old speakers, worth about £1K each and I didn't want to do the swap.

4.Easily bored, especially when the conversation veers away from their favourite topic, i.e. themselves. Yup. he just starts talking over you about whatever he did that day, even when he has done so 10 times already. Constant loop

5.Suspicious of other people's motives, including those of family members but particularly outsiders. Yes. Why does my DH of 30 years still work away a lot?

6.Secretive. Likes to control family news. Oh yes! I know I have cousins, they know I exist. I was called to an aunt's 70th, she is ill and deteriorating. I know I was called so he would look good, gathering her loved ones around her. How do I know she is ill? How do I know ayhthing about my family... only through him!

7.Lack of empathy. This is the big one, the dead giveaway. He can fake it for a while, until he is certain there is no gain in it for him. Then he just switches off. Gone! If you know him well you can see the change in his facial expression.

I live hours away form them now. They live with 'their family'. That used to be their generation and its kids plus DSis and their one and only grandchild. Now DSis and their one and only grandchild have joined me on the list of people they aren't certain they can control. So all we get, when he contacts us, is a litanly of wonderful thngs he and thefamily have done together, including the grandkids... as in his nephew and nieces kids.

If it wasn't a relief not to be in his eyeline that would probably hurt!

They do exist, really they do! It isn't just a word, I don't simply dislike him. I love him because I am supposed to (that's wearing off now) but I absolutely hate him for the stunts he has pulled over the years.

Let me guess, Curious - you will have been told by your father not to discuss "family business" with your DH of 30 years because even after all that time, he is still "not family"?

I am so sorry for all you have had to deal with. Your father and my mother could have been non-identical twins separated at birth, so depressingly similar are they. I'm glad, though, that your sister has seen the light and that you might be starting to finally form a relationship with her after years of your father deliberately fracturing any goodwill between you. I am close to my youngest sister (mainly because I was 17 when she was born and had to parent her because my cold and selfish mother took no interest in her). However, my middle sister and my brother are lost causes.

We deserved better, didn't we?

I am married to a narcissist. I wish to God I wasn't. Narcissists should come with a government health warning. Being on the receiving end of a narcissist equates to being mentally abused. It destroys you.

Thanks Singing we most certainly did deserve better. And yes, DSis and I are on good terms now. Still prickly, she has many of his traits, but they are more coping mechanism than her real personality, so I just tell her and she either cries or laughs and we move on. Her revenge is teling me I look and sound just like our mum

Aprils still married to him? Can we help, kidnap you perhaps?

Aprils I don't know what to say to you but if you can't see a way to leave then please look after yourself as best you can. It does destroy you but there is life after marriage to a narc.

NoBaggyPants I don't label people I don't like as narcissists. I might describe them by any number of unappealing personality traits, selfish, thoughtless etc. Narcissists are in a league of there own, I have only met one full blown narc and he was the most toxic individual I've ever encountered, sadly I married him. He never hit me and rarely raised his voice but by the end I was terrified of him. I would not wish a relationship with a narcissist on my worst enemy.

if this sounds like a narcisstic?

Yes.

Narcissist is just a term people attach to others they don't like.

No.

Aprils and Turbo, 💐. You too, OP. Please think about looking up the Stately Homes thread. You'll find lots of support on there. It's been a lifesaver for me.

I don't recognise all the traits so maybe it's just me.
It's just a very strong sense of never being wrong, asking for positive feedback and validation when someone says they have done something wrong. An astonishing lack of awareness for others feelings and making every conversation about themselves. Feels like if there is nothing in it for them, they are simply not interested. Can also be dismissive of others emotional pain making flippant remarks.
Likes to be the centre of attention and to be adored by everyone.

They don't have to have all of the traits, OP. There are seven classic behaviours and they just need to have five of the seven to qualify. It sounds to me like the person you are thinking of qualifies.

Sounds like Donald Trump to me.