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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be cross at my friend?

19 replies

newgirl · 22/07/2007 19:10

My friend has asked to cancel/rearrange a planned day out with me and dd1 as something else has come up that her children would prefer to go to.

We cant make any other day as me and friend are both away at different times this summer holiday

would you just forget about it, or feel hacked off to take second place?

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 22/07/2007 19:12

It would depend on what you've been blown out for, I think.

If they have the chance to do something that they couldn't normally do, or won't have the chance to do again for a long while, then I'd just forget about it.

If it's something they could easily do any other time then I'd be hacked off.

alicet · 22/07/2007 19:14

Yes I agree with wigwambam.

Its always annoying to be blown out for a better option but as to whether you're being unreasonable I think it depends on what that is and whether this is a pattern (with her usually being reliable) or not.

RubySlippers · 22/07/2007 19:16

what WWB said

also, is this a habit with her, or a one-off?

Original poster
newgirl · 22/07/2007 19:26

its for a birthday party so yes something they cant do very often.

she is usually a lovely and valued friend but does tend to cancel things and i think i am beginning to feel a bit taken for granted (or is it hormones? never can tell!!)

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chocolatemummy · 22/07/2007 19:29

I hate it when friends cancel stuff, and I have said something once or twice and it doenst go down well, If I make an arangement I tend to stand by it but my dh reckons people work etc so much these days they do pick and chose what to do with spare time and loyalty is lower, hey we live in a very materialistic fickle world

alicet · 22/07/2007 19:30

I think if its for a birthday party then its not unreasonable for her to cancel on you but I can understand why you are feeling p*ssed off.

Her always cancelling is another thing - maybe just don't rely on her too much in the future and make arrangements with other people so it doesn't irritate you so much. This is a bit cr*p of her but if otherwise she's a good friend then maybe its worth accepting this side of her but adjusting your expectations so it doesn't irritate you when it happens. Most people have faults but if the rest of them is great then sometimes its worth turning a blind eye if you see what I mean.....

If its irritating you too much to do this it miught be worth havinga chat with her - if she's a good mate then she would probably be gutted to upset you. Good luck whatever....

NAB3 · 22/07/2007 19:33

See it as an opportunity to have a free day to do something else you want to do. If she cancels again for something she could do anytime, talk to her about it.

pointydog · 22/07/2007 19:36

Can't blame her if it's a party.

mumofSlytherinsmonsters · 22/07/2007 19:38

she has been honest with you whereas she could have said they already hadplans. is that why you are so annoyed? because she told you that her children would prefer the oarty?

Original poster
newgirl · 22/07/2007 22:33

lots of wise words thank you!

i guess one reason it is irritating is that the birthday party is quite last minute and i sort of think she should have said to the mum that it was quite short notice and had plans, or was another day possible? I realise that isn't very practical but i have turned down party invites in the past when we already had plans.

i am also a little sad for my dd as it would have been a fun day out for her with her friend - but she did not know so its not the end of the world.

as alicet says it is probably best to accept this aspect of my friend and move on and plan things with others, and as NAB suggests, do something special with dd. Will do, thanks everyone! xxx

OP posts:
DulwichDolly · 22/07/2007 22:40

well,

one very good friend of mine who confirmed assistance to my dd 1st birthday called me to tell me on the day at 3pm that she was at another party and could not be bothered to travel from East London to Dulwich.

It did pissed me off big time... so bloody rude and disrespectful to me and my dd!!

Original poster
newgirl · 23/07/2007 13:17

that would piss me off too dulwichdolly - did you forgive and forget or stay cross?

OP posts:
Hulababy · 23/07/2007 13:19

DulwichDolly - that is very rude of her and yes I would be really peeved!

OP - If it is a party they have been invited to I would have to just let it go. It's a special reason isn't it? Shame for you, and at least your DD is none the wiser. Can you still go out and doing someting fun, or maybe meet up with someone else?

DulwichDolly · 23/07/2007 14:15

Well, I sort of have put it in the back of my mind but I guarantee I won't be rushing to visit her for a while.

Glad you think the same....

Original poster
newgirl · 23/07/2007 19:46

i think you are right hulababy

my sympathy dulwichdolly - i guess our mates dont mean to piss us off - just thinking about themselves first though

OP posts:
kslatts · 24/07/2007 09:55

I think you are being unreasonable, if I was due to meet up with a friend, but was then invited to a birthday party I'd cancel my friend.

lulu25 · 24/07/2007 09:57

you're so not being unreasonable. your friend is being incredibly rude (and setting a poor example to her children to boot).

Leati · 24/07/2007 10:15

My feelings would be hurt, too. Hopefully, you will meet up with her soon and this can blow over.

Original poster
newgirl · 24/07/2007 18:26

kslatts - really? what about the other way round - you wouldn't mind at all if you were cancelled for a better offer?

lulu - i think it shows a bad example to kids but in this case the kids dont know so it wont matter from their point of view - now, if i had told my dd already i would be fuming!!

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