Should I be angry?

[lostatsea75]

My bf and I have been together for 18 months and over the last 10 months (since I went on antidepressants) I lost my libido, completely. In a moment of madness I said he should be with someone else....because I felt so guilty. Anyway, he never said yes he would or no he wouldn't....

... I don't know if he did sleep with someone else, but he did get a text from a random bird and he did admit to creating a profile on a 'just for sex' site and chatting to some bird about what he liked in the bedroom.... Now, that really annoyed me... I know I said sleep with someone else, but there's still a deep sense of betrayal and I put myself in his position and I'd NEVER do anything like that, no matter how much I felt 'pushed' to do it, 'cause I know that I am loyal to the end, regardless of situation...

So now I'm worrying that he's doing it 'cause he's done it once, what's to say he won't do it again... I don't trust him AT ALL ...

We don't live together.. I'm 43 and he's 42.... am I wrong for being annoyed?

Bird? How did the bird get your number?

A bird ? Why can’t you refer to her as a woman ?

He set you up with Big Bird from Sesame Street?

I think YABU calling women "birds".

I also think you need to have a proper discussion with your bf about your libido and whether or not it's bothering him. Just because you say you wouldn't do anything if the positions were reversed, you are not him. If you are not OK with him having sex elsewhere then you need to remove the "moment of madness" consent and decide on how to continue the relationship if that's what you both want. Is your libido likely to return once your body gets used to the tablets? Be prepared for the possibility that he will end the relationship though if it's unlikely to change as if he is on sites etc then it's likely that sex is important to him.

You suggested he did it so lm now confused about why you are annoyed. Why say it if you didn’t mean it?

you sound about 16 tbh. Don't tell someone its okay to do something and then get the arse if they actually do it. It was a test really wasn't it..

Okay, okay, I won’t bite on the “bird” front.

This relationship sounds awful.

I think if you've only been together 18 months and for ten of those you don't want to be intimate, then I can see that would be problematic for both of you.

I don't think you can blame him really if you told him to go elsewhere and you'd be ok with an open relarionship. It's a very Young relationship to expect him to be celibate. If you don't want an open relationship tell him and then he has to decide if he's going to stick with it.

Cut him loose. Better for him in the long run.

Of course he will do it again. LTB.

It’s always dangerous to make an offer in the expectation it won’t be taken up. You wanted to appear magnanimous and understanding, but only did so because you thought there was no chance of him following through. You can’t really be angry that it bit you on the arse.

It surprised me that you're in your forties, your OP sounds like you're much younger. Why say it if you didn't mean it? You need to have a mature discussion about this issue with him.

Don’t say things you don’t mean.

Try to catch the bird that has the ability to text because you’re potentially sitting on a goldmine.

Who uses the phrase ‘bird’? Are we in a 1970s sitcom?

Typical Mumsnet getting hung up on the bird.

I'd let him go.