Can someone help me

[PCPlumsTruncheon]

I know this is AIBU and I am just posting on here because of traffic.
I am an alcoholic and last night, I got picked up by a taxi driver and we ended up going back to his flat and having sex.
I can’t say it was rape because I didn’t say No. I actually wanted it. My husband and I are basically separated. But legally, we are still married.
He has been an absolute bastard to me - I have been under Women’s Aid. I have been in a refuge bit he has always been faithful.
When I made my marriage vows, I meant them.
I promised to be faithful to him and I have been for 22 years.
I am feeling absolutely mortified.

Chalk it up. We've all done stuff we regret. Were you drunk?

I had been drinking but I wasn’t drunk. He initiated it but I haven’t had sez with my husband for 2 years and it frightened me how desperately I wanted sex.
I don’t even know his name

You're separated from your husband, so what you do is no concern of his.

And if he's been an absolute bastard, his fidelity doesn't magically redeem him.

Are you happy with your night? That's the only question.

Did he use protection? Do you need to go to a clinic?

Sounds like you need a divorce.

I dont think this is really about the husband, you are seperated. The "i dont even know his name" would suggest you are embarrased at having a one night stand. We've all done things we regret, like pp said. Chalk it up to experience and go get an std test. If hes a taxi driver that did this with what sounds like minimal conversation, he probably does this a lot

While living in a refuge not with an abusive husband I'd not worry about a fling. If you're sure it was just that and you knew what you were doing and wanted it then all good. Talk it through with someone at the refuge if you're a bit muddled as to how it happened. Keep yourself safe and if this wasn't or you're not sure pls get yourself checked over for any potential std. Don't be mortified it's no one's business but your own as long as it was consensual.

You weren’t unfaithful. Do not beat yourself up about having sex with a random man. It is ok.

If hes a taxi driver that did this with what sounds like minimal conversation, he probably does this a lot

Who gives a shit? It's not about him.

Op, did you use protection? I get why you're discomfited by your behaviour,it was risky, but this isn't about your marriage, you've not been unfaithful if you're separated. Clearly he's an abusive bastard, you likely just craved some attention and intimacy.

There are obviously better ways to get it, dating apps etc. But in the mean time are you getting help and support for your drinking? Are you in a place yet where you wish to stop?

Get the map and std. what are you doing about your drinking?

Forget about your husband
You do not owe him your fidelity- you are separated and he is abusive

More important is your action last night- wanting sex is fine- putting yourself in a potential dangerous situation is problematic

Did you use a condom? You need an STD test either way, possibly post coital emergency contraception

But it is not safe to go back to the flat of a man you don’t know at all. Did anyone know where you were?

Having a one night stand is really not the end of the world and seeking sex isn’t a bad thing in itself but you have got to look at how you ensure your safety.

Take care OP

Chalk it down to experience and move on
Worst things have happened at sea
But take the learning so if you have another One night stand you don’t feel as shit the next day
Any plans for the drinking ? Not going to lecture you but you know that facing this will be easier if not alcohol dependant
But hell yeah don’t feel guilty about ‘cheating ‘ - you got back on the horse that’s all

How are you feeling @PCPlumsTruncheon?

I don't understand the
I can't say it was rape comment?
It sounds consentual - why mention rape at all in your OP?

@Namastbae, so as not to get sidetracked?