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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don't know who my friends are anymore

17 replies

Farmerlass · 02/06/2019 22:30

Hi all, long story here so bear with me. My son goes to a preschool where I have been friends with the staff for the past 4-6 years. I wouldn't say they were super close friends but friends non the less. Any way, 6 weeks ago i broke my ankle, tore a couple tendons and completely snapped a ligament as I stepped out of the preschool building. It was a total freak accident, I stepped on the edge of a thick non slip Matt and my ankle just went underneath me. I haven't been able to drive since and I'm a single mum to two unruly boys, one who is autistic and requires a fair amount of extra care.
Since this happened the staff (friends) have stopped talking to me, they won't even acknowledge or reply to any of my comments on the private FB group. I am confused and really hurt by this. I have done so much for the preschool. I have fought tooth and nail for them all when there was a big bust up in the committee and money went "missing". And now they're not talking to me.
I don't know how to deal with it and it's keeping me up at night that people who I thought were my friends can just cut me off like this. I literally feel like everyone around me is slowly drifting away and I feel isolated.

OP posts:

BuildingQuote · 02/06/2019 22:34

My immediate thought is slightly weird but could they be worried you’d sue them? Or did you blame them in some way ? I can’t think why they would be behaving out of character if they were friendly before . Another possibility is have you considered if possible they are just busy as I am sure I sometimes give the wrong impression and shut friends out when I have too much on

Sparklesocks · 02/06/2019 22:35

That’s really odd, do you think they might be worried that you’ll put in an injury claim against the school? But even so, that wouldn’t affect them personally so doesn’t make sense.
Is there perhaps one you feel a bit closer to you might be able to ask if something is wrong?

BlueberryFool123 · 02/06/2019 22:36

I wonder if they have been told they can’t speak to you by management while the matter is being investigated.

TheInebriati · 02/06/2019 22:40

I don't think they are acting out of character, I think the friendship changed after they started working at the preschool, and when the money went missing.
I know it hurts but I think you've been frozen out. Its not you, its them.

BasilFaulty · 02/06/2019 22:43

My immediate thought is slightly weird but could they be worried you’d sue them?

I think she should to be fair

LagunaBubbles · 02/06/2019 22:44

Did you see them socially outwith the school before?

pickme · 02/06/2019 22:45

They have just been told to be careful and they are not you friends. Your son is autistic chances are you could be too and have misinterpreted your relationship, although not totally as you realise they are not super close.

Original poster

Farmerlass · 02/06/2019 22:46

Thanks everyone for your replies. It did cross my mind that they would be worried I would sue them. So I made a point of explicitly telling them I wouldn't do that. Bar 1 of my friends who only started working there a year ago the others I actually met and became friends with when my eldest was there.
I was one of the key people who tried to sort out the mess with the money. Going so far as to open my own police investigation (I worked with the fraud team for a year) and consulting with my own solicitors. Everyone knows who the person is that took the money and I've been fighting non stop to try and get them out of a hole they've been left in since. Which is why this stings so much.
I do feel like I've been frozen out and if I'm honest it's made it so awkward I don't want my son going there anymore because the atmosphere is so uncomfortable for me.

OP posts:

GeraldineFangedVagine · 02/06/2019 22:48

That was some top class internet diagnosis!

Original poster

Farmerlass · 02/06/2019 22:49

Yes, we have all gone out as a group of friends many times before over the years.
Ha ha I would lay good money on me being autistic. 😂
But I am also very proud of the fact I'm a loyal friend and don't jump to conclusions. If it had been a week or so of silence then it wouldn't bother me. But this has gone beyond it now.

OP posts:

instaflum · 02/06/2019 22:50

Have you asked them what the issue is? I think if I were in your position, i would politely ask if you have done something to offend them, or ask one of them in confidence at least? Say you're hurt and upset but would be grateful for an explanation if there is one.

If they don't bother replying - try finding somewhere else to take the kids. Not worth the hassle.

Halimeda · 02/06/2019 22:51

It sounds to me as if you are confusing types of relationship — your mild friendship with these people surely has no bearing on your fighting for the pre-school on financial stuff. And yes, if you were injured by something on school property, they are presumably expecting a (legitimate) claim? Would you have expected them to help out with your children? I mean, have you previously had this kind of relationship with them?

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2019 22:51

Agreed I'd try messaging one of them direct and asking if anything is wrong as you feel like since you haven't been at the school, something has changed

Sparklesocks · 02/06/2019 22:53

Even if you were to put a claim in, it would be covered by the school’s liability insurance, it would make no sense for individuals to get weird about it - not like they’d be paying out of pocket!

If there is one who is a bit more forthcoming/easy to talk to, it might be useful to chat to them and see if they have any insight.

If not, they sound very nasty to treat you badly and helping them. As hard as it is, you don’t want people in your life who will drop you so easily and you’re better off.

Original poster

Farmerlass · 02/06/2019 22:55

No our friendship has no bearing on the fraud case. This is over a large group of friends, 3 of them I have been long standing friends with before any of my children even attending the preschool. I can understand the management (who again I have been personal friends with for years) having to take a step back. But it doesn't make any sense for them to literally blank me to my face (I mean when I'm literally stood in front of them). For example before the half term I was trying to talk to one of them about my son's toilet training and how he was resisting and not a single word of reply!

OP posts:

LagunaBubbles · 02/06/2019 23:03

Can't you just ask someone what's going on then?

namechangedasscared · 02/06/2019 23:11

My first thoughts were management has said not to speak to you about anything not related to your son just in case you sue...... but that last update debunks that as well!

Could you try talking the your friend that only joined a year ago and ask her to please tell you what on earth is going on?

It definitely sounds like there's something to do with the pre-school (as it's the only common link) that has happened so you need to get to the bottom of it. If your friends won't tell you, could you speak to the management team? Ask them what's going on because it's now affecting your sons care and you are concerned about this. And it is affecting his care if you are speaking to them about him and any issues and they're blanking you.

Alternatively you actually died in the accident and you're actually a ghost, still here due to unfinished business. But they can't see or hear you, hence blanking you. Obviously this is the much more likely scenario

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