Don't think this topic belongs here!!!

[Bug8]

This may be the wrong place for this post but am feeling so low right now. I have been learning to drive (manual), but after about 25 lessons, am still struggling with the gears especially when going down gears. I keep forgetting to change to gear 1 when stopped. Recently my partner got insurance on his car so I can get to practise but after being out twice with him, am not going to practice with him again as he gets really angry when I make a mistake and says horrible things like am "too thick". I am thinking of going automatic now as I do believe manual is too complex for me. Most people I talk to advise me to learn in a manual car. But am feeling fed up. Am in an area where driving is really important and I want to be driving ASAP. Am I too thick? Maybe am one of those who can't drive.........ever. Will I ever learn driving a manual car...........questions going through my mind!!!!!

Fuck it- get an auto- I had to move to one due to injury, never looked back, anyone that says anything is an eejit!

Some people just aren't wired for manual gear box comprehension. I am one of them. No shame - just learn auto! It's so easy - point and drive. Just do it - the relief will be enormous!

I passed my test in an automatic, having failed to get to grips with a manual. But it would need you to be able to afford your own car, as you won't be able to share DP's.

I think it’s worth giving auto a go, but the real issue is that your partner thinks it’s acceptable to be rude and nasty to you and call you thick. Learning to drive can be really hard, and losing his patience and lashing out isn’t acceptable - even if he’s frustrated.

I hate gears. Like you, it's not the going up, it's the coming back down. I passed my test on a manual, didn't drive for a few years, then met DH, found the combination of his car and the manic driving where we lived challenging, and he said " we need to change cars, let's try an automatic" and I've never looked back. I've had a refresher course on a manual but still don't like it.

As Leeds2 says, you need to think about what you're going to drive when you've passed. You may be able to persuade DH into an automatic. And when we go over to electric everything will change anyway.

I dont think that 25 lessons is that many tbh, but if youd prefer to drive an automatic then just go with that!

As long as you can afford to get an automatic car after you pass your test that is and you're not going to have to share cars with you partner

Stick with your driving instructor, decline anymore 'lessons' from your partner

I drive an auto all the time now, but learned to drive in a manual. You'd think it would stay with you (like riding a bike lol) but whenever I need to drive my parents car - theyre elderly etc & I take Mum to appts etc in it - its like I'm a learner driver again. I stall their manual car at roundabouts, it piggy hops when I dont change down quickly enough. Def go for the auto car - it will save you so much stress plus it sounds like you will pass your test first time. Good luck

You're not too thick - it gets harder as you get older and driving doesn't come easily to everyone (definitely didn't to me). I would just go for an automatic. MY friend really struggled - she passed in a manual but just never got enough confidence to drive alone even after a few months of daily practise. She bought an automatic and said it changed driving for her. Lots of people only drive automatics anyway.

Auto is the way to go.

I didn't want to learn manual because I wanted to learn to drive as quickly and painlessly as I can.

Autos are now easy to get. I also borrowed one easily enough when my car was wrote off. There are no down sides to it IMO.

Your partner sounds awful.

Don’t take shit from unqualified driving instructors.
25 lessons isn’t that many, keep going don’t give up, have a few auto lessons then decide.

It took me 40+ lessons, 3 test attempts, 3 months of avoiding using third gear and above at all (sorry environment) and a few refresher lessons before I got it. But I did!

For me having to drive each day (I avoided it for months, just doing the odd trip every few days after I passed) as part of my daily routine really cemented it in my head. It's totally different to learning, you get a different kind of confidence. Don't tell yourself you'll never get the hang of it, because even if you opt for an automatic that's not the case. You may need a different instructor or just more practice. In my case a different instructor and a lot of practice to build up the confidence helped loads.

I learnt in a manual and my first 2 cars were manual, when my partner and i had a baby we upgraded to a bigger car and he wanted to get an automatic, i was really cautious and said i wouldnt be able to drive it. Absolutely best thing we ever did, i doubt id be jumping back to a manual anytime soon!! Automatics are a little more expensive to buy but we've had 2 now and neither had problems.

If you can physically change gear ok, but just struggle with knowing WHEN to do so, the easiest thing is to just look at your rev counter. I change up at 3,000 revs and down at 2,000. Or you can listen to the engine and change down when it’s labouring and up when it’s revving.
Your instructor should be helping you with this - if he’s bad at teaching you might need to try a different one. But definitely don’t practise with your DP if he’s being rude and impatient- he’ll just destroy your confidence.
25 hours of lessons is not an enormous amount of driving experience either - see how you’re doing after another ten.

I passed my test in a manual - 7 Fucking times it took me - and now only drive autos - why did I Fucking bother! Drive a auto OP

Go automatic, stop wasting your time! Combustion engine cars will be phased out over the coming decades, and electric cars don't have gears.

I learned manual, some 30 odd years ago. Was a total car snob - thought automatic was just for people who didn't 'get cars'.

Went to auto some 17 years ago. Would never go back to manual. What's the point, besides wank factor?

I switched to auto years ago and it's so much better. DH's car is a manual and I just find it a lot more effort to drive now.

Some of the brainiest people I know had major problems learning to drive. It’s not about intelligence. Some people find it easy and some struggle. I think I’d still be trying to pass my test now if I hadn’t decided to call time on learning in a manual and moving over to an automatic. I passed first time after 10 double lessons. Because you longer have to juggle gear changes with clutch control whilst trying to manoeuvre and read the road, you can really focus on what you’re doing. There are so many automatic cars around now and unless you are going to be driving for work and they provide cars then I’d not hesitate in opting for an automatic. And no more practising with your partner. You need someone calm, helpful and positive and he doesn’t sound like he’s able to be constructive here.

Good luck and get it out of your mind right now that you’re too thick. You absolutely aren’t.

I tried for years to learn to drive I also had an arse of a partner who was rude and nasty. We split up and I passed 6 months later

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. Been talking to my partner after not talking to him since we got back. And he's now told me how perhaps I have a learning disability or mental block, apparently that's why I keep forgetting stuff........pissed off really. Just told him we won't be doing any more practise lessons. He's just killing my confidence and it isn't good for the relationship either.

I am 38 years old and think it's even harder for me cos of my age but partner says "automatic" is for thick people. Told him I will try auto.........after all the aim is the same.

My ex suggested I had a learning disability to, strange it went away when I wasn't having my confidence crushed by him. Seriously he sounds horrible.

Ukelou, just been told this evening that I have a learning disability........horrible........just cos I haven't mastered the art of driving a manual car? .

It really sounds like he's the thick one. Because he finds driving easy he can't get his head around the fact that someone else may have a completely different experience. I find this a lot with narrow minded people, they can't understand that what they find easy others find hard (they completely overlook the vice versa scenario obviously). You know you're not thick so when he says you are he's simply wrong. It's like saying people are thick because they can't swim.

Do you think at some level he doesn't want you to be able to drive? Maybe you'll be driving all over the place and not relying on him quite as much.