Aibu or is this not normal?

[purplecolourcat]

If your a sahm with no income of your own do you have to ask your partner ( babies dad ) for money for things for your children or do you have access to the money to just go and buy it without asking?
And does your partner speak with you first before spending a large amount of money?
Do you feel like it's " his " money or family money? Xx

When I was with Ds’s Dad we had a joint account for bills and one for expenditure. We just bought what we needed/wanted and discussed big stuff. we would mention that we’d bought things, but only in passing. I never bought things in secret, didn’t need to, whether he did I don’t know, he was a controlling twat though so probably. He tended to think money was a good way to keep me close and the financial abuse only started when I left because of all the other controlling and abusive stuff.

OP you need a conversation with your DP. He does sound financially controlling and you’ll learn a lot from his reaction, and more importantly what he does going forward. Just remember, words are meaningless unless they’re acted upon.

We have a joint account and both have cards for it. As the person who makes most of the day to day purchases for home and child, I just do that. For projects we talk about it in advance. WE don't have a set limit on how much either of us can spend, but we've a few decades experience so I guess we just know when it needs talking about.

Joint account from the day we got back from honeymoon. Never any questioning of my or his spending. We check with each other before spending any large amounts. We treat each other with respect as sensible adults.