to be confused by boyfriend

[Lovesgood]

Hello, need to ask you wise mumsnet folk.
I have a certain physical feature that my boyfriend compliments. However when he is talking about himself he talks critically of the same thing in himself. It really confuses me. What is that all about? He is very complimentary of me in general. Always treats me very well. Thats why this is confusing me. Is it some weird hypocrisy on his part? Because it doesnt feel like its a dig at me at all, its just at himself. But then 10 minutes later hell say something nice about myself about the same thing.

Maybe he wants you to compliment him? Wants to know what you find sexy about him? Maybe x

As in:
" darling, your 6th toe is so damn sexy"

And

" I'm a freak with my 6 toes"

I can't put it in context!

My DH loves my nose because it's little and points up. He hates his own nose for being big. So does the rest of his family, I had a very uncomfortable moment once when they all talked about my lovely nose. MIL has brought it up a few times too, they're all delighted that DS had my nose. They're not (quite) as weird as this tiny snippet makes them sound.

Is it like that? If so, it's just a comment because he really really likes it in comparison to his own.

Pick something else of his and compliment him on it, something you really love.

He’s fishing

Assuming you are a woman, if he complimented your breasts and then moans about how he hates his big ones, it's understandable 😁

theaverageJuror

😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

Figure8

Yes like that! Only the feature is nothing too bad, certainly nothing like a 6th toe (not trying to offend 6 toed people).

So something that he likes your big round butt but hates his own fat bottom?

It does sound strange if it isn't a female characteristic... it would be different if it were boobs, my DH likes my big boobs but doesn't like that he has a slight man boob.

I compliment my wife on her figure all the time as I love it though she sees herself as being overweight. I’m ‘less’ overweight than she is (think lower BMI) and I hate it as I’ve put on some extra pounds recently. We can see ‘flaws’ in ourselves we don’t see in others. Not necessarily fishing for compliments just human nature

not trying to offend 6 toed people

I suppose you can like something on someone else but not like it on yourself. Maybe whatever it is suits you and he doesn’t think it suits him? If it’s a mole for example, he may be paranoid about his but thinks yours is cute and looks great on you. I don’t think it’s hard to grasp.

Some women look fantastic and have confidence with big breasts but others may feel embarrassed about theirs and hate it. Doesn’t mean they think every big breasted women looks shit, just that they do.

Is it something that's totally unisex but a real feature, like pointy vulcan ears, high cheekbones, or a bum chin?

Or is a descriptive thing like slim wrists, rounded hips?

I am a bit conscious about my teeth which means it’s the first thing I notice as a good feature in someone else. It’s not negging or anything when I do it! My DP has great teeth

It makes perfect sense.

For a start you are different sexes. So he may like a nice round ample bum on you, but not on himself.

You are most certainly different body shapes, so something may look good on you but, not in his opinion, on him.

Like pp I have a tiny upturned nose. Do has a strong nose. I think he is incredibly handsome and his face suits his nose.

I would not want his nose on my face. It would look odd.

I see. So he is probably just oblivious? I dont really want to bring it up as everything is going great between us and I dont want to spoil it. Its just weird how he seems to have a disconnect with this thing.

You need to tell us what it is. Impossible to say.

I love DH's hairy chest.

I would not want a hairy chest on myself.

It makes sense to me!

Some things are considered attractive in women but not for men, for example, if you have slim legs as a woman, but possibly not so great for a man!?!

I didnt want the judgement that tends to come with this but I will tell you guys. Im a bit chubby, and he likes that pretty much for a fact. But he complains about his own chub (he barely has any). And I dont get it.

Red/ginger hair or freckles are 2 things that look better on some people than others. I have both (or I did, I'm grey now).

I have had compliments and insults for both and certainly know people who say they look(ed) good on me but not on them.

I also have a friend who is a similar height that weighs less than me and frequently complains about her weight in front of me. Another friend pointed out to me that our proportions are different and that though neither of us looks particularly overweight she understands friend A's complaint relates to this.

That makes perfect sense.

I am sporty and have quite a bit of muscle. I am not into muscle in men. I prefer men a bit chunkier.

I wouldnt want to be chunkier myself.

What you are attracted to and how you feel about yourself are 2 different things.

Chunkiness makes someone more curvy, which is something we find attractive in women but not usually in men.

Also (& contradictorily) our society values being thin, so it's possible to desire sexy curves in others while still wanting to be thin yourself. This is how I feel, most of the females I'm attracted to are curvy, but I hate my own extra pounds!

Interesting. I guess its true about the curves. I do have big boobs and a butt which is good in a woman, not so in a men I guess (unless that is your thing).

Just tell him his nose is manly and sexy.

What else does he do/say/behave thats confusing?

Chubbiness links in people's minds with softness - lovely soft curvy body - which is not, I think, how most men would like to see themselves. He's praising not chubbiness per se, but chubbiness as part of you. He's viewing you as a whole, and chubbiness is a part of that whole, not a stand-alone feature that he shares. So no disconnect. Just enjoy his appreciation and stop analysing it.