To tell him he’s putting on weight

[Ohnojoshua05]

Boyfriend seems to have put on a lot of weight in the 3 years I’ve known him. He has tried diets in the past but his diet is awful. He always says he needs to diet but never really does. He works funny hours so tends to have a high sugar diet/ junk food. I have tried to encourage him to make his own lunches etc but he will eat pack and packs of sweets, energy drinks etc. We don’t live together but wondered how else I can tell him to make healthier changes. I would like someone to tell me if I was putting weight on. My mum usually does and I’m thankful for it.
I’m debating whether to tell him outright as honesty is the best policy.

He knows. You don’t live together, you’re not his mother, he’ll change if and when he wants to and he won’t like you for lecturing him.

YABU in this case honesty is not the best policy.
Do you really think that he is not aware?

Hmm Yh I suppose. I’m fed up of hearing “I need to lose weight” comments but watch him guzzle down a load of crap. It’s hard.

Do you really think he doesn't know? He's a grown up, he can make his own choices about what to eat.

Op your going to have to be careful on this one. It will effect his confidence and might spiral him into depression making him worse. I'm speaking from experience. I asked my DH to be honest with me about my weight and it made me worse. Does he eat his emotions? Find out why and you may find out a better way to deal with it. Good luck

If he says he needs to diet, then he obviously knows. Insulting him will not help.
Encourage him by introducing more active days out. Cook healthy meals for nights in. Join a gym together.
Exercise won't sort his weight problem but may make him feel good about himself so may encourage heslthy eating too.

Ps has he tried SW? Great support and proper meals you don't feel hungry on

thebloodsugardiet.com/how-it-works/

Send this,to him, the diet works by controlling sugar in the diet to lose weight. It's successfully used to control & in some cases to reverse type 2 diabetes which your bf is at risk of.

I'd tell him

This is always a tricky one with lots of different responses as lots of people would have no problem being told and others would find it highly offensive.

We have a very odd attitude surrounding weight. It’s not something most people like discussing and it could possibly end a relationship. Tread carefully.

I’m fed up of hearing “I need to lose weight” comments

Just reply “yes, you’ve said that a lot recently”.

Just because you wouldn’t mind your mum calling you fat doesn’t make it okay to call your boyfriend fat. How would that be helpful to him? He knows! He’s said so! He’ll feel hurt and criticised and probably cover his feelings with cheese burgers.

If this is about wider issues like you not finding him attractive or you thinking he’s immature or that you don’t share the same values then walk away. But I can’t think of anyone who’s been told by their parter that they’re fat who’s said that was their epiphany. It’s far more likely to be cruel and damage the relationship. In this case “honesty” is code for cutting and hurtful and if you want to upset him you shouldn’t be together anyway.

He knows.

It's really tough hearing someone you love saying how they need to lose weight but never doing it. I know it's hard but all you can do is be supportive and encouraging once he's decided to actually make some changes.

Saying to someone that you've noticed they've put on some weight recently, when it comes from a place of concern and not nastiness, is not "insulting" them, any more than it would be to say you've noticed they've lost a lot of weight or noticed they've been drinking a lot recently.

OP your partner has two choices if he's not happy with his weight; make the effort to lose some or learn to be happy as he is. Doing nothing and complaining is not an option (and would drive me mad). Is there any way you could join him in going to a gym class or making a meal plan, for example?

I would like someone to tell me if I was putting weight on. My mum usually does and I’m thankful for it.

I think you’re in the minority here OP. Most people don’t want or need their loved ones to point out that they’ve put on weight - their mirror and/or trousers will tell them that.

If you want to help him without being judgy, suggest walks when you’re together instead of TV, make healthy meals for you both, and then butt out. You can’t force him to eat better - you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink - if he’s going to eat crap when you’re not together, then he will do. Then decide if his extra weight is a deal breaker for you.

Personally I find my DP very attractive whatever he weighs, (in some respects I prefer him heavy as he’s less cocky and full of himself!!) and fortunately he appears to feel the same about me, as we’ve both piled on some timber since we met.

If he decides he’s going to lose weight, it’s for himself and not for me. I may or may not join him in trying to eat better and exercise more, but if either of us felt that we were unacceptable to the other because we happened to enjoy biscuits a bit too much it would be a very sad state of affairs to me.

"I really need to lose weight."
"Well, have you got a plan? Does it feel like it would be very difficult? Can I help at all?"
I don't think that would be a terrible response. I would find it hard to see someone I loved get very overweight, and just let them get on with it, or treat it like some shameful secret that can't be mentioned.

If he says that he needs to lose weight then he knows. I bet he'd be gutted if you said anything. Also imagine it was the other way round and this was a guy asking if he should tell his girlfriend she'd put on weight - everyone would be horrified. Please don't.

If a partner said that to me it would be the end of the relationship.
He is clearly aware of his weight as he mentions it.
So what will telling him achieve?
And while you might be ok with your mum telling you you have put weight on, I bet if a sexual partner said it you would take a different view, because it implies they no longer find you attractive, whilst your mum would love you with 3 chins and a spare tyre Michelin would be proud of

I am overweight, need to do something about it but don’t moan about it. One of my worse vices is eating sweets in the car. EVERY time my dh sees an empty pack in the car (MY car) he makes a disapproving comment about it. EVERY time. We’ve been together 20 years. Not once has this made me want to lose weight. In fact a little bit of resentment at being policed grows every time he does it. So tread carefully is my advice. Apart from you, OP, I’ve never heard of anyone who is grateful that someone else has pointed out they are putting on weight (especially if they already know they are).

I know what you mean OP, my mum made a comment the other day that made me think ok I need to lose that stone I've put on... And yes I do know I've put on weight but tbh I thought I was getting away with it as I can still fit into the same clothes (just).

Could you take up a sport together? My colleague and her partner took up crossfit and both lost 3st within a few months. That could make both of you healthier even if you don't need to lose weight yourself.