To move hours away from everyone?

[ConfusedKoala]

NC as this could be outing but I’ve been here years

Basically I have to move I can’t cope here anymore and need to move at the very least a town away.

DC’s dad (we’ve been split for years) lives about 20mins away in one direction and my only family are 15mins in the other. Both want me to move to their towns.

The issue being that my partner lives about 2 hours away and I want to take the kids and move where he lives, not in the same house but the same area. I would be moving from the country to the city and changing one of my DCs school (other hasn’t started yet). I have no connection other than DP in this new place but I would also have no connection other than my ex (DCs dad) or my parent in the other places I’ve been told to move to. I believe even if anything happened with me and DP I would still want to be in the new place.

Everyone thinks IABU, my family currently don’t help with childcare or anything and I’m willing to drive the DCs back for contact with their dad at weekends.

Has anyone ever done anything like this and how did it work out? Am I really being that unreasonable? I do think it’s best for my mental health.

I think 2 hours is rather far from your ex and you will have to do the travelling to drop off and collect for the next what 10 years plus... is there anywhere in between?

There’s a city in between about an hour away, but I don’t like the place and id have zero local connections at all so really would be alone

Go. You and your ex can sort something out with visits. If your mental health is suffering now, and this will help, I'd say it's pretty important that you do this.

How often does the ex see the kids? If it's only eow or less then go but be prepared to do the travelling or facilitating. If its more, then that's tricky. Also do bear in mind that as the kids get older, if the ex does have them eow it puts the kybosh on them doing weekend activities, they might miss parties etc. I live a distance from my ex and it does cause difficulties as the kids get older. Is there any option for the new guy to move?

Sees them like eow on weekends but can be a bit flaky and tends to cancel for nights out/festivals/hangovers/etc. I’ve stayed where I am (and im miserable at) for years for his benefit really and now feel like I’m sacrificing my own life and what I want, for other people’s easy life

Then I’m torn because obviously the kids come first but I’m sure there must’ve be plenty of set ups like this out there.

I never thought about activities and parties! That’s certainly something to take into consideration thank you. Currently he ends up taking them to most parties because they land on “his days” so they would definitely miss out on that

Would he be happy to change it to every third weekend and half the school holidays?

I think it depends why your miserable at the moment and why you can't cope where you are. Is it a case of the grass being greener - will it really improve things for you?

What does your DP say?

I moved an 11 hour flight from my family. It's been absolutely fine. I think what matters more is moving your dc away from their dad. If he's an engaged involved dad, it's not a good thing and you will need to do the work of facilitating contact. If he sees them twice a year, then it probably doesn't matter that much. But our closest family is 1.5 hours away (my dh's), but mine all lives abroad and we see them a couple times a year. It's never been an issue, as long as you are sure it's the right thing. It was easier for me to do though as I had no dc at the time.