Or self care a load of old arse?

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So both dc's are asleep. This never happens, and it's a sunny Saturday. My first thought is to grab a beer and sit in the garden. However there's also the washing up, washing pile and floor that looks like a sandpit with added bits of toast. Relax, instagram says, hash tag self care is not selfish.
If I go with my original plan, whose going to be doing all this later, it's going to be me isn't it? But with less time and energy and that slight cloudy head you get after day drinking. Same with everything else. Go on a Groupon spa day but then resent that use of annual leave when one of the kids is sick later in the year. Buy yourself flowers but then get angry just looking at them in a few weeks because you could have used that money for washing up liquid.
Self care would be fucking off to Marbella for a month with a beautiful olympic swimmer and a convertible. I don't think these other treats make any difference to the drudgery.

Self care is really important IMO but right now is whip through the jobs then when the DC wake up invent a game in the garden that keeps them entertained while you sit and half watch. Don’t allow them back in the house to mess it up again ( I’m cruel that way).

Get them good and tired and have them into bed at a decent hour and have that beer then. Cheers.

Hmmm yes I agree, all the shit jobs will still be waiting.
Leave the jobs until tomorrow when it’s raining and get yourself outside now.

I practice self care without alcohol or spending money on spas or flowers. And I genuinely don't give a shit about a messy house. I make the kids help and DH.

Self care is a lovely idea but I can't see how it's possible in reality, unless of course you have help.
If you are able to relax, I say go for it!

I get what you mean.

As a single parent.....it will definitely be me that does the jobs later

But honestly I would weigh it up. Will I prefer chilling later when jobs are dont or take half an hour now. I do different stuff on different days.

But yeah, cant take days off to go to a spa. But that's not what self care is a about. It's about taking sometime out. Even just 10 mins, if that's all you have.

Take the half hour in the sun OP. We don't get weather like this every day!

Self care doesn't need to involve spending money or neglecting essential duties

To me it just means taking care of your physical and mental health

I don't think day drinking is really self care tbh.

Self care for me is chilling with a drink (usually coffee) and a good book or a puzzle
It’s just me time to switch off and stop stressing
The housework is always there but I feel more like tackling it if I’m refreshed

I genuinely don't give a shit about a messy house. I make the kids help and DH

If OP’s kids being asleep at 3pm is a remarkable event, I’m guessing they’re a bit too young to be useful around the house. Mine are 3 and 1 and they might ‘help’, but it’s not actually any help!

Wat you are doing IS self care!
Te spa days etc is not self care, it’s a treat.

Somebody who doesn’t practice self care might not care about their laundry, the state of their home, their living environment. Endless ‘treats’ can be self-destructive and a sin of self-neglect (addictions, binge eating etc are extreme examples).

Self care is ensuring you get what you need. There is a place for takin a break though when you need it OP. Do you feel frazzled to the point it’s getting you down? ‘Drudgery’ suggests you do. Why not book a day off/night away? Prioritising fun over the job list sometimes is important. Just plan it ahead of time. Get DP/family/babysitter on childcare, and even better arrange for a one-off cleaner / friend’s willing teeen to pop round while you’re out. Return to a clean house / ironed clothes!

Sign, not sin! And sorry for other typos there...

Self care is not the same as self indulgence - and what works for one person might not work for another.

The idea of self care is to make time for things which benefit you physically and mentally - things which make you feel like you. Often, the things which are trotted out as "self care" - expensive flowers, spa days, buying something new, etc - are really more about consumption than genuine self nurturing.

For me, doing something creative boosts my mood and makes me feel like me, but for someone else it might be exercise, or meditation or reading or music. Or sitting in the garden and enjoying the peace.

What do you enjoy doing for its own sake, OP? Don't buy into the idea of self care as something you purchase, don't confuse consumption for care or inertia for rest.

I like to read books on astro physics whilst drinking a beer.

Self care is important and it doesn't have to cost money. Can be sending a bit longer shaving legs/moisturising body or listening to your favourite music uninterupted.

Can be having cup of tea outside in nice weather or even reading a chapter in a book.

Hope you chose to chill.

Selfcare doesn't help unless someone else picks up the workload while you take the time out. Which is why it never really works at all as no one else really bothers... unless you have an equal partner or can afford a nanny/cleaner/cook/dogwalker/robot housekeeper.

Delete as appropriate.

Self care isn't about treats or spending money. It's time out for just you: for your minds mental reboot. So even just 30mins of a sit outside in the garden or your favourite box set or anything that's a time out from the stress. Any break will leave your brain & energy level a bit recharged IME. I used to never take lunch in a really stressful job. Just taking 20mins in a meeting room with my lunch was a revelation. I felt recharged & able to cope. And it broke the grind up.

I'm a single mum and always try to keep I top of house work, though standards might not be as high as some. I hang up clothes then iron them if needed when they come out to wear. The bathroom gets done quickly once a week while I'm cooking a quick tea of chicken nuggets, the floors are done regularly and hoovering every daym the kitchen is done after cooking every day and I go around once every so often and dolust/do all the windows. Occasionally I will wipe down the walls/ doors where little fingers leave marks. Hardly exhaustive and I always get my evenings

Drinking alcohol isn’t usually in the self care articles!

IME self care is primarily about exercise, eating healthily and sleep.

Interesting thread.

Begs the question "what is self-care", and some interesting answers.

For me its about experiencing freedom (e.g. from domestic drudgery and dull neighbours and neighbourhood) for a while. I enjoy domesticity sometimes, but other times, well notsomuch.

Enjoying nature. I think "spas" (ironically) have become part of that - being in the water, being in the saunas etc.

A half-day in bed reading a book.

A glass of prosecco over-looking the sea.

It can be connecting with something bigger than yourself and your small life - at the same time actually enjoying the aspects of one's small life.