To ask how to salvage a shit day?

[DinosDiggersandDirtyDiapers]

It’s only 11am and I wish I’d never bothered getting out of bed this morning!

9 yr old DS with ASD has been up through the night for the past three nights and then was wide awake at 5am this morning .

He can’t entertain himself so will cry and shout until either DH or I get up with him .

Early start .

By 9am we’d had three huge tantrums which just put a dampener on the hole morning .

More tantrums in the car .

DS9 and DS6 whinged all the way through the dentist appointment . DS9 constantly asking when are we done ? When are we done ?

DS6 wants to play in the kids area for a little bit . DS9 starts again and is demanding we leave right that second .

By this point I snap and tell him DS6 just wants to play for 5 minutes and it’s not always about his wants !

More whinging and whining. DS9 screaming at everyone.

DH and I are fed up and end up arguing with the kids interrupting it just decended in to chaos !

We are home and every one is grumpy .

This is a usual day out and I’m just really fed up. Simple things turn in to a chore .

My mum is meant to be watching the kids tonight so DH and I can go see rocket man but now DS9 is crying because he doesn’t want to go .

We really need this time

I’ve tried encouraging him to take his favourite toys but he’s not interested .

Is it selfish to make him go ? How do I cheer us all up?

I had a shit morning yesterday so I got the kids, some popcorn, closed the shutters and watched a film with the DC they hadn't seen before. (DD was also exhausted). Would some enforced sitting time help? Can your mum babysit at your house? Definitely stick to your plan and go out tonight, you deserve a break.

I’d make him go. Not in an angry way, just explaining calmly that plans have been made and you are keeping them. Otherwise you are reinforcing the fact that if he moans he gets his own way. Sounds an awful start to the day for you all but you deserve time away from them in order to be able to give enough of yourself the rest of the time. Don’t feel guilty!

Ah sorry op sounds really tough. I would try to get him to calm down or have some quiet time with also frequently reminding him that he is still going tonight. Can you get your mum to call him telling him shes looking forward to seeing him etc?

Is there something that usually calms your ds down e.g. a particular activity, film etc that he can do for a bit?
Does the broken record technique work with him where you calmly repeat the same information each time. So you just repeat as a fact that you and DH are going out tonight.
Grab a couple of minutes quiet for yourself even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom

Sorry I don't know about managing ASD but you absolutely should go to the cinema tonight. You can't keep sacrificing your own wellbeing for others, no matter how demanding they are, and expect that you'll be ok. You need to nurture yourself too. I hope the day gets better for you.

Just tell him he is going and that's final.
Enjoy your night out.

I had a son with ASD (grown up now) and actually I think you were right to tell him it’s not all about him, and certainly yes he can go to your mums as planned and you have a well deserved nice evening with DH.

I was a single parent and when it transpired DS had ASD I made a decision not to make allowances for it to the point where we all suffered. For one, I didn’t want him becoming an aggressive teenager that I couldn’t control. Secondly, ASD or not, he would have to live in the real world by society’s rules so it does them no favours to give in to the tantrums. Some may frown on it but I took a firm line and he’s turned into a lovely adult and we’re very close.