Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Facebook accounts of the dearly departed........

17 replies

OutInTheCountry · 01/06/2019 11:35

More of a WWYD......
I have a relative who died a few years ago. She was only in her 40s and though she'd always suffered with ill health, her death was sudden and unexpected. In recent years she'd given up work and didn't get out a lot so she didn't have work colleagues or a wide circle of friends though she has lots of 'Facebook Friends'.

When she died her mum, who didn't really understand social media, said she didn't want anything on Facebook about it, which everyone respected. Now her FB account is still active and every year on her birthday there's about 8 people who write 'Have a great one' and "Let's catch up soon' and other such things and they clearly have no idea that she's been dead for a few years. Her mum has now sadly died too. Should I ask for her page to be memorialised or message these 'friends' to say that she sadly died? I don't know why but it really bothers me. A few family members usually post to say something appropriate on her birthday but no-one else seems to notice.

She had a DP (no DC) but none of the family are still in contact with him.

OP posts:

Samcro · 01/06/2019 11:36

its an odd one. I have a departed friend on fb, I still get game invites from her.

Loftyswops988 · 01/06/2019 11:37

I would say yes. Although it is nice that everyone respected her mums wishes it's not really fair to have some people believing that their friend is still alive when she's not, even if they are jut 'online' friends.

Chinnychinnychinnychib · 01/06/2019 11:37

Who’s her next of kin?

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 01/06/2019 11:38

I would if you can work out how to do it! I tried to close down my mum's account, but failed miserably, and I still get reminders and pictures popping up randomly, which I find upsetting.

Babyroobs · 01/06/2019 11:39

I have three friends who have died still on my fb list and I find it odd when I get a message pop up saying to wish them a happy birthday. The relatives seem to have just left the fb page untouched instead of memorialising them.

HoppityChicken · 01/06/2019 11:40

You can ask for the account to be memorialised which would stop the birthday notifications and invites. I'm not sure if sends out an announcement when you do it though. You could contact Facebook Help and ask.

Original poster

OutInTheCountry · 01/06/2019 11:41

Who’s her next of kin?

Both parents are sadly dead, she had a DP and a brother who doesn't use Facebook.

OP posts:

BigcatLittlecat · 01/06/2019 11:42

I have a nominated friend who will be in charge of shutting my page down if anything happened to me. But I think there is little you can do if that hasn't been done. It must be hard for you.

John470322 · 01/06/2019 11:45

It is possible to get the page changed to a memorial page which a couple of friends relatives have done. It is good that all their photos and memories are there but it is clear that they are no longer celebrating birthdays. I think Facebook need proof of the death and will then make the changes.

Original poster

OutInTheCountry · 01/06/2019 11:58

The nominating thing is interesting - I didn't realise you can do that but we all should really. I don't have access to proof of death or anything like that, I'll have a look into whether I definitely need it.

Should I message the people wishing her Happy Birthday?

OP posts:

lyralalala · 01/06/2019 12:04

If she had a DP then leave it to them to deal with.

My friend won't turn her late husband's page into a memorial page because it makes all your photos public rather than just visible to your friends and various other reasons (x has left the group announcements and the likes).

If it bothers you then unfollow or unfriend her, but it might not have been changed deliberately.

Yabbers · 01/06/2019 12:27

Should I message the people wishing her Happy Birthday?

I would probably do something like that.

chocsaregone · 01/06/2019 12:32

In Facebook Settings you can opt to either have your page deleted or memorialised after death. If the latter there's a nominate a legacy contact option I think.

I want mine deleted. Not sure what the default is if the person hasn't set this.

If I were you I'd message the friends individually if I could. They would want to know wouldn't they?

BlueThesaurusRex · 01/06/2019 12:34

When my mum died I contacted fb to have her page memorialised- I had to send proof, I think they accepted a screen print of an obituary

BlueThesaurusRex · 01/06/2019 12:35

Pressed post to soon! They memorialised it very quickly

DontCallMeShitley · 01/06/2019 12:38

For anyone who wants to avoid this situation, there is a feature that allows you to nominate someone to close/deal with your page.

Islands81 · 01/06/2019 12:38

It’s an interesting topic, and something we discussed at uni when I did a unit on the sociology of death. Eventually nearly everyone will leave behind their social media presence which will be out there forever after they’re gone. I have a few friends on Facebook who have died but only one profile has been changed to a ‘remembering’ one.

I have a friend who hung himself in January. A couple of months later, it came up on my news feed that friend xxx (who died) was interested in an event. It was for a band called Decapitated, I think they’re heavy metal and definitely not the kind of thing he’d have ever gone to. No idea how that happened as no one has access to his account. Was a bit creepy.

Flip