Taking teen to antenatal class

[July2019]

Just that really.

First NHS antenatal class soon.
DH missing it as he is on a business trip.

SIL offers to come for support and is quite excited. Only thing, she's 14!

I said yes as she wants to come rather than I need the support, fwiw I'm quite happy to go on my own.

Aibu bringing her?

I did my first antenatal class by myself, as DH was at work. It was fine.

I would check with the teacher about how they feel about a teen being there. It could change the tone a bit.

We had someone bring her 13 year old daughter every week and everyone hated it. We said it was okay but she cringed at anything to do with birth/the terms/videos and we were too nervous to say anything about sex as when the instructor asked if we had questions she was so childish about it and it's weird anyway to talk about sex with a 13 year old that is no relation in a baby group! We didn't say anything to the parent but for a £200ish course I have to admit it was annoying lots of topics were cut short. I would really recommend not taking her from my experience.

I think it would be lovely for her to go with you, I went in with my sister when she gave birth twice, once when I was 13 and then again when I was 14, it was the most amazing experience and I'll forever be thankful for my sister for letting me be part of her babies coming into the world, I will treasure that forever, I know it's completely different but I think that would be so lovely for her to go with you for both of you xx

Probably depends on her level of maturity.

As PPs have already experienced, it’s a bit unfair on other attendees if she’s going to be sniggering or cringing at references to sex or birth etc, but it she’s level headed and reasonably mature it could be a lovely experience for you both.

I would ask the person running it. It's lovely of her that she wants to come and I can definitely see why you'd want to encourage her involvement but even if she's very mature it might make other women feel uncomfortable asking questions about sex when there's a young teenager in the room.

Might be more useful for you to take her to post natal classes.

I don’t think it’s particularly appropriate. It might inhibit other participants. If it was about caring for a baby that might be ok.

Very unfair on the other women attending.

I am cassian unfair on everyone else, and don't really understand what you need support for? It’s a class and an opportunity to meet other woman who about to give birth and will therefore potentially meet up again, not an outing for family members.

I wouldn't want a child in the classes I was going to.

It's great that she wants to come along but I really don't think the topics of conversation are suitable. Ours had lots of chat, laughter and innuendo around relationships and sex, both before, during and after the pregnancy. Loads of questions and chat about quite intimate experiences or feelings, and people were really encouraged to share (would have been pretty boring otherwise). It is one thing to speak up in a room full of (initially) strangers, but at least they're all in the same boat, a whole different thing to share when someone's 14yo relative is there.

I don't think it's appropriate at all.

Don't take her, its unfair on the others in the group

Really unfair on others who may not feel comfortable with a young teen there or able to ask questions they want answers to in-front of her. Really nice of her to offer to go with you though, perhaps suggest another activity for the two of you like baby shopping or swimming.

The classes are designed for the expectant mother and her birth partner. If the 14 year old is going to be a birth partner then fine. If not then it's absolutely not appropriate to take her as it won't be in any way relevant to her.

Not appropriate and unfair to the other members of the group.

The fact that she’s excited shows she has no clue what it’s all about. An ante-natal class is not supposed to be exciting. It’s an opportunity for expectant mothers to learn about the explicit reality of childbirth - not a chance to coo over tiny babies and learn how to make up a bottle.

Unless you are mega anxiety ridden or something you can do it on your own.

It's just friendly people who are all pregnant and tea and biscuits.

How much 'support' is a 14yo going to be. Or is this really about her thinking it'll be some fun novelty.

Which it won't be btw. Antenatal classes are fistgnawingly fucking boring.

At ours there was a partner who behaved like a 14yo and that was bad enough.

As an antenatal teacher I would say, please don't.