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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if my children and I can randomly socialise with people at a nursing home?

30 replies

GardenBirdsFriend · 31/05/2019 18:02

Our little family (DH, DS, DS, and I) are the only ones who live in the UK at the moment. The rest of our family are expats in other countries/continents. Our boys are going to be 3 years old soon, and once they are little older, I was wondering if I can just take one or the other to a local nursing home to socialise a bit? I'm not sure if this is a weird idea. They wouldn't get that grandparent contact otherwise, we do visit our families but it's not very often (usually once a year), and we remain in contact over the phone.

Anyways, it's just an idea. I'm not sure if that would be a good or bad one? AIBU to wonder if my children and I can randomly socialise with people at a nursing home?

OP posts:
Joopy · 31/05/2019 18:03

I think there are volunteer schemes where you can befriend an older person

Original poster
GardenBirdsFriend · 31/05/2019 18:05

Joopy

I'll have to look in to that, thanks.

OP posts:
IDontDrinkTea · 31/05/2019 18:05

There’s a toddler group that meets in a nursing home here so everyone can socialise together

BeanBag7 · 31/05/2019 18:06

We go to a toddler play session at a local dementia care home. They put on sensory activities that the toddlers and elderly people can take part in and sing songs at the end. It's based in Salisbury, if you're anywhere near there?

Haffdonga · 31/05/2019 18:08

Are you just planning to walk in to the local nursing home and start chatting to anyone around? Hmm

This is their home. They are vulnerable people. Would you expect to walk into any neighbour's house and plonk yourself down next to them?

.

MatildaTheCat · 31/05/2019 18:14

My FIL is an a wonderful nursing home where a local nursery brings in children for a very structured session once a fortnight. The children and residents really enjoy it but, no, I don’t think just trying to ‘DIY’ it would be the same really. Most residents are pretty frail and unwell.

Why not contact a couple of local places and ask if they can suggest anything or, as suggested above look at befriending? Note that many older people find it really difficult to understand young children’s speech and they might not enjoy it as much as you would hope.

But a lovely thought.

HeyHeyMckenzie · 31/05/2019 18:14

Haffdonga don't be so offended. OP is not suggesting she just waltzes in and says hello to the nearest OAP.

And your post presumes that everyone sees visitors through the same lens. Some people might actually enjoy the human contact, and not see their home as some sort of shrine to the elderly where they must be kept away from The Community. Because, heaven forbid, they might both get something out of it.

Your pearls sound well and truly clutched.

Bunnybigears · 31/05/2019 18:15

I would contact your local age concern for ideas on how your children can have the experience of talking to/interacting with older people. Beware though care homes can be bloody scary for young children. I still remember going to visit my Grandad in a car home as a young child and I spent a lot of time petrified because the old people sleeping in the chairs looked like they might be dead and being grabbed by dementia sufferers thinking I was their child or grandchild.

Original poster
GardenBirdsFriend · 31/05/2019 18:16

Haffdonga

That's why I asked here first, I would never want to bother anyone. I just thought we could visit and befriend people. I have honestly never been to a nursing home, so I didn't know and I wouldn't just randomly walk in. I would have asked if it was ok to visit first. I just wanted to know what people thought here so I would know if it was ok to ask or not.

OP posts:
Josieannathe2nd · 31/05/2019 18:19

You can absolutely do this! But just call a few local ones and see who is receptive. At the one my Grandpa was in they would have easily linked you up with a couple of residents who are lonely are would appreciate your company, or they have coffee mornings which you can turn up to. Sometimes you might need a DBS check if it’s for befriending but if it’s just chatting in a communal area you usually wouldn’t.

The residents loved seeing my young kids and my middle kid loves to talk so it was good for everyone!

Freudianslip1 · 31/05/2019 18:25

Many people in nursing homes are old, u nwell, incontinent and have dementia. It is highly unlikely they will become surrogate grandparents. All of my dgps ended up in homes and when I visited weekly with the dc quite a few of the residents took interest in the m, it was quite sweet. It was also very sad to hear that many had family locally that hardly visited them. Even in the nicest of homes the environment isn't particularly pleasant, so that may be upsetting for your children. Mine were in 4 different ones and there was always the same smell in All of them, I didn't want to hang around for the sake of it.

Booboostwo · 31/05/2019 18:30

There are surrogate grandparent schemes, have a look on Facebook. There are also charities that support people in nursing homes and arrange visits by volunteers to chat, read books and socialize in general. Your local nursing home may have a ‘friends of the nursing home’ association.

saraclara · 31/05/2019 18:32

Contact Age Concern. It would be better for your kids that you be linked with an older person who's still living independently (or in a retirement home/sheltered accommodation, rather than a nursing home), but who is lonely and has no family nearby. That way you build up a proper relationship with the person, and it's a more normal situation for your kids than a nursing home.

VodselForDinner · 31/05/2019 18:36

My MIL is a lovely private nursing home and it’s a horrible place to be. A lot of the residents are dementing, have outbursts- it can be a bit scary at times for me, let alone a small child.

Just prepare yourself that it’s not always a little nana doing her knitting, cooing over kids.

OldAndWornOut · 31/05/2019 18:37

The last home I worked in had a surprisingly relaxed attitude to children coming in (with their parents) and it worked beautifully.

Of course there were times when a resident who'd previously enjoyed it wasn't in the mood, but its amazing what a boost it is to those who enjoy interacting with children. Smile

I would phone a few local homes, if I were you, and you might find somewhere that will welcome you.(you may need a dbs first)

Loftyswops988 · 31/05/2019 18:39

my local community centre (well it's kind of that it's third sector and a little community hub place), has clubs for young kids and pensioners. They sometimes go on walks, or on little trips or just do some arts and crafts together. Maybe see if there's anything like that around you? Nursing home is also nice if they are keen but a club with more active seniors might work better

fairweathercyclist · 31/05/2019 18:40

There is a scheme like this where I live. I have to say I didn't see it as a very positive thing for the elderly residents unless they have a choice about whether to participate. They may not want babies/kids around.

I also see the day coming when dogs are going to be brought in, too.

If you are in a care or nursing home you are often not very mobile and won't be able to go somewhere else.

Fine if they actively choose to meet the kids (or dogs). Otherwise not.

HollowTalk · 31/05/2019 18:40

I go to visit my aunt in a nursing home and really don't think you'd be allowed in. As a PP said, this is their home. I reckon about 90% in the home I go to have dementia and are incapable of any kind of conversation, particularly with a child.

Have you had a look at Meet Up?

Original poster
GardenBirdsFriend · 31/05/2019 18:48

Lots of good advice here! I think we can socialise without going to a home as some of you have said, I will look in to groups/centres/meet up/schemes where it might be more welcomed. Thanks everyone Smile

OP posts:
Nanalisa60 · 31/05/2019 18:56

Adopt a grandma is a free charity that will help you find a match for you!! Good luck tell us how you get on.

Nanalisa60 · 31/05/2019 19:02

there is also a charity called spare chair, it for people to invite a pensioner to you house for Sunday dinner, that might be a good way to meet a grandparent.

Mummy53757857 · 31/05/2019 19:26

Our local nursing home has regular visits from my mum and baby yoga class! There's a bit of a stay and play afterwards. I've never been but everyone looks in good spirits in the photos.

Beldon · 01/06/2019 07:09

Years ago my daughter needed to ask grandparent questions for primary school project, my mum was too young and we actually didn’t know any older people at that time. She contacted local care home who asked residents if anyone would be interested and 3 said they would love it. My daughter and the residents enjoyed it so much that she continued to go once a week and chat or play board games. It wasn’t forced on anyone, carer was always close by and they could have refused her visit at any time but her new friends enjoyed the company. I now work with older people and some really love and crave contact with children - not in a creepy way before anyone jumps on that comment. You see them come alive around children. There are many residents who don’t get any or limited visitors and are lonely, despite living with 50 other people. There is definitely no harm in asking but don’t be offended if it’s a no. Age uk have a befriending service for people living at home, organised days out or someone coming to your home for meal and company once a week, that may be an idea too.

WhenZogateSuperworm · 01/06/2019 07:12

Two of the baby/toddler activities we go to run sessions in a local nursing home for residents to interact with toddlers.

I think it would be lovely to contact a nursing home and ask if they have any residents who would like a visit. It’s not forced on them all!

NoAngel1 · 01/06/2019 07:21

My dad stayed in a dementia nursing home recently for respite and I visited him with the children and tbh I wasn’t that happy about having them there. Some of the residents were incontinent and had accidents, one lady was confused and asked my 5YO the same questions over and over (asking to leave). I ended up visiting alone as I didn’t find it suitable.

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