Why am I stuck up about jobs???

[user564]

So, the background is, I was let off from a job I had. I'm a single parent and need to afford my rent and to be able to keep my DS in nursery.
So, basically - I can't afford to be choosy about jobs right now so long as we can survive financially.
BUT, every single time I'm applying for jobs, I find myself being fussy and stuck up and not wanting to apply for ones like simple shop jobs or basic retail jobs that are too public or small food places waitressing or whatever.
I don't even slightly judge anyone who works in these places, but I worry that I'm going to see people I know and that I'll be judged.

How do I get over this???

Build a bridge

I worked in a supermarket when doing my MA and it did effect my self esteem so I understand. I focused on whyi was doing it. Could you view it as a stop gap? What were you doing before?

So what if you are judged? Youre an adult you dont need validation from others, certainly not judgemental fuckwits.

You simply suck it up and get over it. I could fanny around giving you a flowery motivational reply but the truth is you just have to get on with doing what you need to in order to pay your bills. Apply for the jobs, smile your best customer service smile at the interview and at the customers, and remember that it doesn't have to be forever, just until something better comes along.

@BuildBuildings yeah, that's it. It's easier when I think that I'm doing it for my DS but still worried that I'll be knocked down when I see someone I know. I was working in admin/healthcare kind of thing before (it's hard to explain and I don't want to be outing!).

Surely as long as you’re applying for a sufficient number of jobs, you will still be entitled to benefits? So just apply for jobs appropriate to your previous grade and level of qualifications.
DD applied for anything going after uni, but found she was rejected as overqualified for any but graduate ones. She had to move to a big city to get a highly paid graduate post.

My friend looks on the outside as doing pretty well (SAHM, expensive house, kid in private school etc), sudden change of financials and she needed a job so got one at a cafe. I’m sure a few of the school mums who ran into her were surprised but no one thought any less of her. She’s now back on top of things money wise and actually was quite reluctant to quit as she really enjoyed it! Many of the women I know who are well enough off not to need to work and who have kids now old enough to take care of themselves have taken so called unskilled jobs - they like the hours or the fact the job entails no stress inducing responsibilities. But it keeps them busy. They don’t think any less of themselves.

The thing is the people who (you think) might judge you don't pay your bills. They don't buy your food or your kid's clothes. So why the hell do they matter and would their opinion be above you having enough money for the things you need.

If I'm honest, I think you're the one that judged you the harshest. You were something/someone and now you have to settle for less, so you see this as a failure and not ready to accept it yet. Stop devaluing yourself and your worth just because of the job you have. In the nicest way possible get over it. It doesn't mean you have to spend your whole life working in a shop, but it will be easier to apply for better jobs when already employed and have even a minimal cash flow coming in.

You need to work to provide for yourself and your DC, that's the reality. Anyone who would judge you for doing an honest days work, whatever it might be, is a twat and you're better off without them.

Well hopefully you can get a stop gap job and then keep looking for a more suitable job. Just focus on the why. And think about the nightmare of claiming benefits or changing benefits.

There are millions of under employed people. I've been one of them myself. My priority was to put food on the table for my family and pay the bills. I really don't think anyone cares or if they do you need some new friends.

What are you more qualified to do-can’t you do a job doing that?

OP I understand where you are coming from. The reality is that some jobs do have low status in this country and so taking a job with lower status would make you feel like a failure. Whatever anyone says, status matters to everyone.
I think all you can do is acknowledge your feelings and then acknowledge that actually you do need to work, so get on with it.

Give yourself permission to do a temporary job.

It doesn't represent your entire career. It doesn't define who you are as a person. You are a valuable member of society. Be kind to yourself. x

I worked in retail for many years because it gave me the flexibility to care for disabled DH & DC. One snooty customer did look at my name badge and remark “god! Have you worked here that many years? How awful”
The thing is I have an honours degree. She was just a snooty cow & her remark and judgemental attitude said more about her than it did me.
Get any job, hold your head up high and feel proud for providing for DS.

There are millions of highly educated people doing lowly jobs far below the level of their qualifications and / or experience.

I am astonished to hear that they are judged by others for this, other than earning their respect.

And lots of people do low-paid work purely for their own interest, like dog-walking, gardening, helping out in a cafe or restaurant kitchen. It gets them out meeting people and earning a bit while doing something they enjoy. Even people who don't need the money need to feel they are taking part in society, as with the many volunteers.

If you could view it like that would that make a difference to how you think you might be perceived?

I have an expensive boarding school background and have done lots of menial jobs, like waitressing, washing up, envelope-stuffing, care home work, receptionist, general admin etc. It didn't demean or define me in any way. In fact I'm glad of all those experiences and I made some good friends along the way. Many times my colleagues who became friends had a degree, Masters or PhD, or no qualifications at all.

I have a degree. I work in retail. Some people look down on me. Thats their problem not mine. I am as intelligent or more intelligent than most of them. I also have better manners than most of them. I am also not an insufferable, judgemental twat like all of them.

People will judge you more harshly for being unemployed tbh...

I forgot Christmas temp in retail. Lots of highly qualified people and unqualified people doing the same and it was great fun.

Perhaps poverty will "inspire" you.

I would be worried about this too OP - not about people judging me, but more (I think) that I'd worry about getting 'stuck' in that type job and find it hard to return to my previous level. I don't think you're being irrational to feel that way.

But as others have said, the bills need to be paid! If I were you I would aim for this to be for as short a period as possible. Can you carry on applying for your previous level of job even if you get one at a 'lower' level?

You need to know some different people if doing an honest day's work will cause judgement that affects you.

Find better people to know 🤷🏻‍♀️