To not get involved with friend's relationship troubles again?

[Reike]

Sorry this might be a long one! Am just a bit agitated at the moment.

I‘m recently in contact again with a friend from school/college. We haven’t seen each other in 3 years as we live on opposite sides of the country. During the years we went to college together she had an on/off boyfriend who was a bit of an idiot. He treated her quite badly, was emotionally abusive and they couldn’t get their act together. She often cried her eyes out because of him and was a psychological mess. I never pressured her to leave him or anything. I tried to support her and listen to her troubles and gave advice as best as I could. Unfortunately I then had to move away and we lost touch.

Now 3 years on we‘re texting each other and talking on the phone again. I never mentioned that guy until she told me she was seeing him again/still. And they have the same troubles and he is still an absolute dick. For example he told her if they had children in the future he wouldn’t hesitate to hit them if they were acting up (she suffered herself from abusive parents). He also had another girlfriend beside her which he would use to threaten her as in saying if you’re being like this I’ll just go to her etc... So she came for advice to me again and I told her how I see it and that she would be better off without him. She agreed a lot on this and broke up with him a few days later during a heated argument. Now apparently they are back together again and he just sent me a nasty message on Facebook telling me I should mind my own business and they would be happy if it wasn’t for me trying to destroy their relationship. Looks like she told him all I said to her about him and that I’m the one who told her to end the relationship.

I‘m seriously pissed off. Also am feeling like I’m too old for this shit( we’re almost 30 ffs). I spent hours on the phone listening to her crying her eyes out over him and now I‘m the bad guy. I do not want to be made responsible for their mess, especially as I haven’t even been around the last few years!

AIBU for even getting involved? I feel like I was just being a good friend and never intended to destroy anyone’s relationship. I really don’t know how to deal with this. Should I even be getting so worked up about this? I worry about my friend but right now I feel like telling her to leave me alone with this stuff from now

She won’t learn and you don’t need the hassle.
I’d walk away

I would forward his message on to her and say something like
'I hope you don't waste any more years on this man. Contact me if you do finally decide to end things. In the meantime you asked for my opinion and I gave it you and I can't witness this disastrous and abusive relationship any longer.'

Then block him.

You've given your opinion, now I'd stop. If she talks about it just say you are going to keep your opinions to yourself because you don't want to be dragged into it and get further abusive texts from him.
She's obviously backed down and passed the buck onto you which is crap.

bringbacksideburns I just did that and told her I will not be getting involved again. So far she hasn't replied. I've calmed down a bit now though. I feel like if she thinks he is worth losing her friends over than she is better of without me.

Foslady You're right. I'm a bit calmer now and that is exactly what I think too. I suffer from diagnosed anxiety, been in and out of therapy and this is really not what I need in my life.

It's just a bit sad that a man can be such an arse and yet women fight over him and sacrifice everything.

Mandala6 Yeah I think that's what happened. He questioned her over it and she said 'Reike said I should leave you' or something like that. He is very manipulative and I can't believe she always goes back to him.