Aibu if i cut contact with my own father. Again

[Anonmummyoftwo]

Iv had to make a new profile to remain anon. Growing up my father was awful. He was abusive to my mum and sibings and me. He was very controlling he would go threw our rooms and even read my sisters diary when she was 14 and punished her for writing she was depressed. When my mum finally left him we were all over 18. He turned on me and because of the abuse i cut all contact for years. Fell pregnant with my oldest few years ago and my sister said dad changed and talked me into rebuilding a relationship. Fast forward to this last year. I left a abusive relationship and my father has tried to take over my life and my kids. He drives past my house at night and if a strange car is parked anywere in the street he will knock on my door even if im in bed to see if iv someone in. He tells me not to speak to anyone and keep myself to myself. If i tell my kids no you cant have that he will go and hand them what iv just said no to. Today has really set me off i had to attend court to face my abusive ex and my friend came with me as my dad was to but had a appoinment he said he couldnt change. Im just off the phone with him and he shouted at me as if i was a child again saying im not to speak to my friend i should of went alone and im not aloud to talk to her again. Im a woman in my 30s with two kids i look after alone. I live in my own house and hes still trying to controlle my life. Because my mum left him no one is aloud to talk about her and he trys to get the grandkids to turn on her saying things like granny isnt very nice and you dont have to listen to her. Hes told my nephew that my mum is evil and other awful things. I suffer with mental health problems that my doctors have said is down to the state of fear we lived in when i was a child because of my dad. After today i really feel that i should cut contact again as its just another abusive relationship. He even trys to controlle my money and spending as hel ask how much i have why do i buy this and has said to get my bank statement and savings account letters sent to his address. I dread having to see him as he just moans at me about how the world hates him when hes not a nice person. He judges everyone who walks past. The fact that today hes forbid me from speaking to a friend who has been there alot more for me than him makes me wish he would just leave me and my kids alone. Nothings good enough for him. Sorry for the long post and rant just needed to get it out

You gave him another chance, and he hasn’t changed at all. You‘d be absolutely reasonable to cut contact, in fact it sounds vital to protect your mental health and your children. He sounds vile and totally without self awareness.

Who’s needs are you serving by having him in your life?
I’m nc with my father. I won’t bore you with the details but life is easier

Walk away and never look back. You don't need that toxicity in your life Hun XX Cut all contact, write him a letter. Explain how he makes you feel and the trauma and effect his behaviour has had on your life. You deserve so much more sweetheart, don't let him ruin your Adulthood XX 😘🤗💐💐

He sounds awful, please stop contact with him. If he carries on call the police.

You would be unreasonable if you didn't cut off contact.
He's still horrifically abusive.
Not good for you, not good for your children.

Thanks everyone. I think its time i do cut it for good. He pretends to people hes an amazing grandfather but truth is he dosnt bother with them. He talks over the top of them and my youngest has behaviour issues and when she kicks off he thinks its ok to shout at her. Shes only a child shes under 5 and she hates being around him. With my sister and i he underminds us with our children all the time. If we say no he goes out of his way to say yes. Growing up he would always say he didnt want us kids and would be happy if he was alone. Hes got what he wanted he forced us all out of his life because we didnt do as we had been told by him. He always said we didnt respect him but respect is earned not demanded. We lived in a state if fear growing up and i refuse to have ny children do the same.

Definitely not unreasonable. In fact, you wouldn't be unreasonable to take legal action to keep him away.

He hasn't changed, you've escaped an abusive relationship you need to go NC so that your DC aren't harmed and the cycle of abuse continues.

Do you think your DSis could have wanted you back in contact in the hope it would relieve her of some of his abuse?

Don't inflict his abuse on your own kids - that is keeping the cycle going. Definitely go NC. Block his number. Don't answer the door - if he has a key change the locks. If he calls round and causes a scene, call the police.

Please go NC - although I fear a restraining order may be necessary with the driving past your house. This is stalker behaviour.

Hes very bitter and spiteful when my mother left he rang social services on my sister because she took my mother in. We have a family event this weekend for one of my sister kids and hes forbid my mother from coming out for a meal after, not that she was going to go because she said she didnt want to cause an atmosphere for the kids because he would sit and take digs at her. He asked for a key to my house before and i just avoided answering him and when he said i need to leave one incase i get locked out i just said no as my mum has a key. He has a key to my sisters and when shes not in he has no problem going threw her house. I know my sister wont cut contact with him as hes a hold over her. I cant explain it but hes got a control over her and her kids. He dosnt like that i refuse to let him decide how to discipline and parent my children. He wants to control everything about our lives. Hes a very unhappy person and he wants everyone else to feel the same. Hes only happy when he see others have things go wrong for them. I think after this event that il be cutting him out, for my own mental health and that of my kids

After today i really feel that i should cut contact again as its just another abusive relationship
You are right. I'm glad you recognise it for what it actually is - and abusive relationship.
The fact that he's your dad or your dc's grandad makes no difference.

Fell pregnant with my oldest few years ago and my sister said dad changed and talked me into rebuilding a relationship....With my sister and i he underminds us with our children all the time
You had it right the first time - then made the mistake a lot of us make in listening to a 'flying monkey' (your sister) and letting an abuser back into your life.
Not just yours either - your kids too.
Predictably, the abuser has found new, impressionable and vulnerable victims to abuse - your kids.....and the cycle continues.

You need to break this toxic cycle for good.
Be prepared to have a lot of shit thrown at you about how you're 'denying' him his 'right' to a relationship with your dc.
The fact is that he never had any rights over your dc and still doesn't.
Your sister seems to be still mired in the F.O.G (fear, obligation, guilt) and is enabling him.
Be prepared for her to not agree with your decision - she doesn't want to suffer his abuse alone, with you there it makes it slightly 'easier' for her.
She needs to recognize the abuse and find the strength to cut him off for herself.

Don't hold back in your responses to him when he's talking down to you, ordering you about and undermining you with your kids.
I'd be very blunt in my responses to him and i wouldn't shy away from telling him he has no right to speak or treat you the way he is.