To ask for you to lend me a little bit of strength?

[Justwantaneasylifenowplease]

Started a thread a few weeks ago which helped me greatly. Round 3 of IVF failed and I was devastated. However, I managed to pull myself together. In part from the kindness of strangers who took time to message me on here. I though I was on track, starting to heal and generally feeling brighter. However I seem to have fallen over completely into a ditch of grief. I struggle to get out of bed. Cry solidly on the hour commute into work behind my sunglasses, I sit in a corner out of view. Managed to pull myself together in the loo before work with a mug of sweet tea and a make-up bag that would make the MAC counter proud. I let a few tears roll down my face at my lunch time HIIT session and the trainers know something is amiss but leave me to try and expel what ever demon I'm trying to excise. Then repeat same pattern on the commute home, with less gusto. I know I'm falling apart. DH wants me to go to the dr, but I don't want to face the humiliation of telling the nice Dr it failed again after he comment on how happy and healthy I was looking when I was getting my last oxy script. I just want to crawl into DH's arms and stay there. If anyone can lend me their strength I would be eternally grateful, I'm struggling in this hole right now.

be kind to yourself. see the doctor if you can, they are there to help.

Do be kind to yourself.
If you can't bear to talk to the GP try giving them a note as they will be used to that.

I have no experience but have some of my strength @Justwantaneasylifenowplease, is there something (an activity, food, a place?) that always lifts your spirits that you could perhaps do/go to? for you x

It's utterly heartbreaking and unfair. You are allowed to feel like this. It is in no way your fault and your doctor should be supportive. Have you anyone else besides your husband you can talk to? Sometimes you just need to rant and wail for a bit. Sending strength and

You have every right to feel this way, it's not your fault and is truly devastating. Please listen to your dh and see your Dr, take him with you if you feel it will help, sometimes the ones closest to us can articulate what we are feeling extremely well when we can't find the ability in ourselves.
Sending you many hugs and as much strength as you need. Be kind to yourself and let you dh look after you too.

Oh your poor thing. Don’t want to patronise you but really you’ve been through it, and you deserve sympathy as well as strength. Echoing pp yes you do need to speak to the doctor. Have you been able to have any time off? I’ve never had to go to work during/after miscarriage, and when a close friend of mine was deep in the hole after lots of IVF, she spent a week on the sofa and only communicated via her DH. I think sometimes even though you don’t want to succumb to the trauma of it, and want to get on with things you have to give your mind and body space to switch off and regroup.

So I’m sending you strength, but also suggesting that it’s ok to be very very very upset about what’s happened, and to need to curl up and cry for a bit. I did, and gained renewed energy and strength from it.

OP... please see your gp.
I am a gp and if you were my patient I'd feel nothing but sympathy and understanding.
I'd probably cry with you...
And hand over tissues and let you cry and wail as long as you need.
You have nothing to be ashamed about, nothing at all.
You have every right to grieve in any way you need to, but your gp might be able to help with advice regarding help short term for sleeping, offer referral to counselling if you haven't already, sign you off work... Or just listen.
I hope they are sympathetic and caring.. I would be.

Oh babe, you poor wee thing.
It's not fucking fair. You're absolutely allowed to be devastated, and I hope you're snuggled up in DH's arms now.
Don't ever worry about disappointing the dr - they want you to be OK, and they're there to look after you. If you were my patient, I'd want to see you, and I think, if you can, making an appointment would be a good start. Sending all the love in the world

Sending you strength and love.
Go see your GP please.
You have no need at all to feel humiliated

OP as the others have said, please see the doctor. But also be kind to yourself. You are grieving and have suffered a loss. When I had a miscarriage I rushed back to work a day after and completely broke down. I kept just ploughing on but it was clear I wasn't well mentally. It took me months to feel ok again. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't just pushed on. I wish I had stayed home and grieved with my husband and taken the time I needed to feel the emotions I needed to feel. If the situation were to happen again; I would be kind to myself and allow myself that time. I truly think you should allow yourself the time to grieve and don't just push on when you feel like you can't. Sending love your way.

Thank you all. I've taken a long weekend with some leave this weekend to try and pull myself together. One of my team is back from parental leave so I'm avoiding the inevitable photos and back slapping first day back. All the boys are looking at me to organise a gift but I just can't face it. (The corporate one has been done - so we aren't completely heartless bunch) I broke down on a parkrun stranger the day after it failed. Her and I are being parkrun tourists tomorrow. Turns out she's a psychologist.....which I feel is maybe god pushing me to talk to someone. DH has the rare opportunity for a boys night on Friday, I want to be selfish and ask him to stay in but I know that's not fair. He probably needs a night of banal chat and beers.....more than he needs another night in with me.

Hugs and love. Go and see the doc and get some help and get your strength of spirit back.

Strength loaned