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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this sexist??

21 replies

Stoptheworldandmelt · 30/05/2019 08:13

I'm fairly sure it is, but no one around me seemed bothered.
Background for context. I am the source of much fascination in my workplace because I am the breadwinner and my husband is a trailing spouse. The men I work with are amazed and frequently reference how great this must be. I totally respect my husbands contribution to our life, and the sacrifices he is made. But this means I'm kind of used to being told 'I need a woman like that / you'. So far, so normal workplace chat.

I am a constant fidgeter. I have asd and my mind is really loud. Moving stuff in my hand helps me quieten it enough to function. So I've often got three or four different fidgets in me. Some colleagues and I were messing around with them at lunch, and a blok of that doesn't know me super well asked why I had them. I explained, and he said 'I need me a woman like that'. I asked what he meant and he laughed it off, and the conversation moved on.

It's stayed with me, because I can only presume that he meant that he considers other woman to be empty headed or something? This is sexist right? I can't do much if it is, but I can't think what else he could've meant.

OP posts:
itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 30/05/2019 08:22

Could be wrong here but I work in a very male dominated profession and have "heard" most things and I would say he was making a sexual reference so not exactly sexist but smutty?

Stoptheworldandmelt · 30/05/2019 08:25

I don't see how he could be being sexual though? If it's a euphamism, I can't fathom what for!

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Sirzy · 30/05/2019 08:27

I think part of the problem is your trying to read into what he may or may not have meant. To me it seems a massive jump to assume he means other women are empty headed

Icandothisallday · 30/05/2019 08:28

I think he means if you fidget with your hands then you would be good at giving a hand job.

Or move a lot in bed.

I would say it's not on. It's a sexual joke that shouldnt be in the work place. If it was sexist would depend on wether he makes sexual jokes towards men.

Tmartnmum · 30/05/2019 08:28

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Stoptheworldandmelt · 30/05/2019 08:29

But my explanation as to why I have it was about quietening my thoughts so I can focus. And nothing I do with any of the fidgets I resemble anything like a hand job. That's what I don't get.

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FriarTuck · 30/05/2019 08:30

I'd be much more inclined to think he was referring to you wanting to do something with your hands & implying that you could be saving him over-exerting his own wrist for [ahem] 'pleasure' Blush

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 30/05/2019 08:31

Fidgeting hands has long been associated with busy hands in the bedroom even if your hands aren't doing that exact same motion .......it's quite an old associations though so I would guess the bloke who said it was of a certain age - like 40s plus?

Tmartnmum · 30/05/2019 08:32

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Icandothisallday · 30/05/2019 08:34

Ok. So my uncle who was always full of dirty jokes was in hospital. The nurse doing his drip said 'sorry mr x, not sure why my hands are a bit shakey'

His response was 'oh dont waste it' and started laughing. He meant give me a hand job. He was joking and would never actually expect a hand job.

He was dick. Always was. But trying to explain the joke.

RuggyPeg · 30/05/2019 08:34

My first thought was also a sexual reference. Crude, inappropriate and unprofessional.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 30/05/2019 08:35

I would think up a witty retort insinuating he has a small dick in case he says it again - that should shut him up!

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 30/05/2019 08:36

I agree that he meant something sexual and that you should feel free to report their sexist nonsense every time it happens (if you live in a country that is supportive of that.)

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 30/05/2019 08:36

itwas

Often that kind of thing just ends up in back and forth so-called 'banter' that is not actually funny at all.

Beebeezed · 30/05/2019 08:37

Sexual reference for sure OP! Albeit a shit joke...

Stoptheworldandmelt · 30/05/2019 08:38

Oh OK, I'm seeing the innuendo now. Thanks! He's not of a certain age tho, in his 20s

OP posts:
Namestheyareachangin · 30/05/2019 08:38

I'm sure you'd much prefer to believe he was referring to your intellect, but I'd bet a pound to a bunch of bananas he was making a clumsy reference to you needing to 'move your hand' and was thinking hand jobs. Which is fucking gross and he should get a bollocking for being so crude with a colleague.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 30/05/2019 08:38

@IAmAlwaysLikeThis
I generally find insinuating a man has a certain inadequacy tends to shut the conversation down pretty quickly 🤣

Stoptheworldandmelt · 30/05/2019 08:41

I genuinely don't mind what he meant, if he's implying women are empty headed that's as bad as asking for a handie isn't it? 😂
It's just all I could fathom. You lot are probably right though!

OP posts:
IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 30/05/2019 08:43

itwas really? I find it tends to escalate it into a tit for tat, we're all jolly good friends here, piss-taking battle, where the woman is, always, the loser.

Stoptheworldandmelt · 30/05/2019 11:07

I mentioned this to my friend, and he said that he definitely meant the euphemism everyone here has just explained to me. Woooosh! Straight over my head then 😳😳

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