To want to speak up?

[bangersetmash]

My boss is a bully and the most toxic person I have encountered in my entire life. Ever since I started my job I have been so unhappy, anxious and incredibly stressed due to his behaviour and how unreasonable he is.

Salaries are late without explanation, he makes plans during our free time without asking beforehand (dinners, random not work related events). We get harassed via email and texting at all hours of the day and get humiliated in the work group and also in person in front of staff. The employees are not allowed to resign easily and get threatened if they do with how they’ll make their lives miserable if they join a work place that does the same thing we do. I was once told off in front of other employees because I was drinking a beer too slow and therefore messing up the rounds... My boss ignored me for the next couple of days over this incident.

The staff has never speaked up as there is no one in a directly higher position than him and no HR.

I have finally decided to resign (no problem as my boss isn’t a big fan of me) once I realised the effect it was having on my mental health. I am now at the point where I am wondering if I should leave quietly and allow him to keep on doing this to everyone or speak up and actually put him in evidence with his superiors. We are under a large organisation which includes people in higher roles than him but we (normal staff) don’t have any contact with them at all.

Would you risk losing a reference for a job to speak up and put in evidence this hostile work environment or keep quiet to not risk your career? No one outside of our work team has any idea of what the job is like as he’s good with impressions and delivers great results (all our work but he takes the credit) and he has a promising career within the large role organisation

I wouldn’t risk a reference as I think it could become a massive point of contention. Whilst employers aren’t supposed to write negative ones, they might do and the time it takes to get it all sorted would be time lost. I wouldn’t kick up a fuss and I would go quietly personally. It’s down to the people staying to make the changes, not the people leaving.

Are you applying for jobs now or waiting until you've resigned? Could you speak up once you've secured a new position?

Where on earth do you work?! (Not actually expecting you to say, but crikey).
If I were you I'd wait until after reference and you're settled in your new job. Then send a letter / arrange a meeting to fully blow the whistle on him.

contact the senior staff after you've left and got the reference.

@HomeMadeMadness I don’t have a secured new position and I’m not applying at the moment as I’m waiting until I resign to start doing so as I’m not sure whether I want to continue working or go into postgraduate studies. I have planned my resignation for a few months so I have enough to not work for a while

seesawteddy
tobypercy

Would getting the reference letter be enough? I have seen some job applications that require the contact of your reference and I’m worried they might actually contact and also postgraduate applications usually require the reference person to submit it personally. Recently applied to a job where the reference had to come directly from the other person’s email address.

Moomooboo
Sadly I don’t believe the people staying will make any changes. They stay out of fear of having any future jobs blocked my our boss as he knows everyone in the area. He has previously prevented staff from getting jobs once they’ve stopped working here.

Why don’t you request an exit interview with his superiors? And ask that any reference comes from them, not him.

Well. YWNBU to speak up. It is the morally superior thing to do, because bullies should be called to account and you are in a good position to do that.

You just have to weigh it with the risks to yourself. How much of a problem would it be for you if you need a reference from this job and couldn't get one down the line? If you are a professional with sought-after skills, in a non cut-throat job market, then you are likely to be given the opportunity to explain the circumstances of your last employment... it may not have much of an impact on you. If you go for the postgraduate study and change careers, it may have even less of an impact again.

Does your boss have a reputation beyond your organisation? If he's well known as a bully then it may even work in your favour, but if he is well respected and the bullying likely to be disbelieved then be careful because you don't want to come across as 'disloyal'.

There is no tangible benefit to you to speaking up, and some potentially negative consequences. If you were speaking up with a view to staying in your job, fine. But not if you are resigning. It comes under the 'no longer my problem' heading.

Cherrysoup
He would never allow me to have contact with the superiors as even in formal events that they have been around we are actually kept to the side to avoid us from meeting them.

seesawteddy
I have tried to put myself in these situations and I’m still not able to decide. A few of the organisations we work with do know about his behaviour but only because there’s always rumours but no one has ever formally said anything about it. The superiors work very far from where we are as in across the sea so they only see the results but not everything behind it.

Would my testimony and everything I have to say lose it’s value if I speak up after I get a new job/postgraduate and have used his reference?

How can he stop you having contact - their email addresses must exist?

I'd be tempted to drop him in the shit once you've left.

If his superiors have not put in place systems for you to be heard, it's likely they don't want to hear. His superiors sound like they have poor oversight of personnel. Don't get caught up in this.

Sounds like sense and insight coming from Itk.

Could you leave a review on glassdoors or similar after leaving?

In the months before you leave would it be worth putting together a collective complaint from everyone he manages? There must be some way of reaching above him to his boss, but as Itk says it sounds like they're not interested (unless, perhaps, it was clearly a huge problem, what a collective complaint might demonstrate?).

Joint action may be the only way to avoid individuals being punished for standing up to him.

… thinking of which... Union support?

seesawteddy
The staff would never ever dare say anything about him. It’s like Stockholm syndrome but employer/employee. They are actually terrified of him and would not dare question him. Our salaries were almost two weeks late a few months back and when I suggested asking about it directly to him, some of them got mad saying I can’t just go and demand things from him (wow yes I can!) and said I needed to learn to be patient and that’s how things work here. They’re totally brainwashed. I have actually seen them doing his laundry (hand wash) because they simply are scared of saying no to him.

Itk
I get what you mean, I honestly don’t know why the bigger organisation is so in the dark about what goes on here. I do know they get perfectly tailored reports on our activities and finances, this includes fake bills and budgets so my boss can get his hands on the funds for personal use. I don’t know if it’s whether they don’t want to hear or they simply have no suspiscions of anything wrong as it all runs smoothly in their eyes...

Leave. Pinder what you want to do with your lofe. In a few months, a year maybe, take all of your collected evidence and either throw it in the bin or collate it into an envelope and send it with a very clear, anonymous letter to his bosses. Explain why you are doing it anonymously.

Get a friend to post it when they are on holiday in say, Croatia.

Just the thought of doing that should keep you going for a week or so.

Wait, so you know your boss has been committing fraud and you've not told anyone?

What @oneforthepain said. Bullying is one thing, fraud another. You could potentially go to the Police.

Report the fraud, definitely. Is there another (normal!) colleague senior to you who could write you a decent reference? It sounds like this twat could well write you a bad one anyway just out of spite. Agree with pp re leaving reviews on glassdoor, etc once you’ve left. Good on you for breaking free anyway!