To think I should have been told?

[Sharkirasharkira]

We are on holiday for half term and teenage ds made friends with another boy on site. We planned to go to the cinema together as there was a film we really wanted to watch and friend asked to come along. All fine.

I had only met the friend briefly before agreeing but his parents agreed and said it would be fine.

We get there and friend refuses all offers of food/drinks/snacks etc. All fine but since we were there around dinner time I thought it a little unusual that he didn't want anything at all.

We get in and almost instantly he starts complaining about the noise, saying it's too loud, putting hands over ears and so on. Was chatting at full volume and kept asking questions. Had to keep on shushing him to stop the other people from getting annoyed. Eventually calmed down only to get completely freaked out by the big battle scene right at the very end and start jumping up and down shouting and ran out of the theatre saying he wanted to go home. I had to leave to take him back before the end, as I'm doing so he says he might be feeling bad because he didn't eat.

Next day it transpires that he is autistic. I had my suspicions as my own ds2 is severely autistic but obviously it presented differently and I had no idea as no one had mentioned it. Aibu to think I should have been told and warned about his sensory issues that might make it a challenging trip? It's one thing to care for a child with SN that you know and another to do it for a child you don't know that well and don't know how to help! It's not a huge deal but ds and I had been really looking forward to the movie and to miss the very end was a bit frustrating but obviously I couldn't leave him in there as he was quite distressed.

It would have been sensible to tell you given how much he's struggled!

Not at all! That is very strange that his parents didn't let you know about how he would need to be cared for! They were lucky you were so kind to him.

What a shame that your evening was spoiled - I think they were way out of order.

Have you told his parents all of that? ALL of it.

That you know only too well how difficult it is but wouldn't dream of letting someone else drift into that situation without any warning... it's not fair on you and your DS and bloody cruel to their own!

They haven't spoken to me about any of it and tbh I don't really want to bring it up as I don't want to make things awkward - having an autistic ds myself I know that it can be difficult to get offers from people to take them out as most find them too much to handle. They were probably very grateful to have an evening to themselves for a change, I know how it is.

But if I'd known I could have made sure he'd eaten before hand, had ear defenders etc to make the experience better for all of us. As it was I couldn't because I didn't know until it was happening.

But if I'd known I could have made sure he'd eaten before hand, had ear defenders etc to make the experience better for all of us. As it was I couldn't because I didn't know until it was happening.

This is why you should have been told, it was very unfair of them not to tell you. For his sake and yours. Thankfully you do understand and aren't judgemental, but they don't know that! As a mum of 3 autistic children I'd tell in that instance, to benefit my child and the people taking them out!!!

I had this with one of DS1s pals. He's autistic and has ADHD and after my first trip in the car with him commented that a heads up about pulling the gear stick/handbrake/steering wheel would have been appreciated in advance. Now I put red electrical tape on those so he knows not to touch, and yellow on the buttons on the radio/air con because he knows he can touch them.

But aye, a heads up would have been fair in your case too I think. Cinema is a huge deal, the noise is overwhelming and if there are food issues too it's unfair you didn't know what he eats and when/how.

You should definitely have been told and I would have a word with the parents, explain his behaviour and how if they had told you you could have reacted differently.

They were unfair not to tell you, especially given it was a cinema trip.

They haven't spoken to me about any of it and tbh I don't really want to bring it up as I don't want to make things awkward - having an autistic ds myself I know that it can be difficult to get offers from people to take them out as most find them too much to handle. They were probably very grateful to have an evening to themselves for a change, I know how it is I was going to say you have the chat so you cn be a better friend. But you are on holiday.

So yes, duck and get on with enjoying yourselves!

FFS - some people are so inconsiderate.

Of course you should’ve been told. It’s just stupid not to. Sounds like parents in denial.

I actually talk to them quite frankly about it as I’d be annoyed with myself if I didn’t.

I looked after a friend's daughter for a little bit every day for a week. A couple of weeks later I found out she has a (recent but before i looked after her) allergy to nuts that requires an epi pen. Friend didn't tell me or provided the epi pen.

@YourSarcasmIsDripping that's awful, and much worse as it could be really serious for the daughter, life threatening even!

Parents need reporting

You know they were in the wrong, would you have sent your autistic child with a family you hardly know? Without telling the family he struggles at the cinema? Bloody cheeky and neglectful IMO even if they needed some time on their own.

As per epicentro advice... DS School was so rubbish at that, it was often the case they had a parent teach a baking class and nobody tell her the ingredients could have killed my son until DS (6 year old) told her himself. My ex also used to leave his girlfriend’s friends to babysit overnight and they wouldn’t mention about the allergies or leave the epipen because the girlfriend didn’t believe in the allergies and both agreed nobody would babysit if they knew about the epipen.

Epipen not epicentre! This phone is developing a mind of its own!

Oh in case it wasn't clear,yes you should've been told. Not just for you as the adult in charge,but for the sake of their son's comfort,well being and enjoyment.

You reacted the right way,but someone else could've escalated the issue or send their son into a full blown meltdown.