ADVICE NEEDED

[MB97]

hi, so I am in desperate need of some advice, my partners parents smoke in their home, they did stop at the beginning of the pregnancy but now I am 28 weeks and have started again and they are literally smoking in the house or light it up around me. I don’t know what to say or do as it is their home. Also they have been smoking around all the new baby clothes they have bought, am I being unreasonable if I say that they smell of cigarette smoke or even ask to smoke not in the house?
I don’t stay all the time it’s just until we move out in a few weeks that we are going between my parents house (which is smoke free) to his parents house.
I’m now starting to get worried about bringing the baby over when it’s born?
I’m in urgent need of some advice.

Blame it on your Dr and midwife team. Say they have told you not to breathe in smoke, therefore you'll have to minimize the time you spend with them.

Good luck.

You cannot dictate what someone does in their own home.

I agree it’s horrid, smells vile, it’s terrible health-wise etc but it’s not your decision.

Stay at your own parents’ house for now and explain you have been told to stay away from second hand smoke. Don’t put your baby at risk.

When the baby is born have them come to you. Can your partner also have a word with them? Isn’t he worried about their smoking?

Just let them know you'll need to stay at your parent's house because of the risks of secondhand smoke for the baby. You can't ask them to stop smoking, but you can say that you can't be around smoke and let them make the decision. You can wash the clothes in the machine and dry them somewhere clean, that's not worth worrying about. Do you have a plan for where you will live when the baby's born?

You can't stop people smoking in their home, and any clothes they have bought can (should) be bought before wearing.

You can choose not to stay there or take the baby there.

I think you need to be honest with them and tell them you can't stay there because of the smoke. They may not like it, but they need to be told, otherwise they'll think it's ok to smoke around the baby! It's their right to smoke in their own home, but they need to understand you won't be coming around, or bringing the baby around, if they do.

Are you able to stay at your parents until you can move into your own place?

When are you moving out?
Can you stay with your parents until then?
It's awful, I would not stay in a house where there was smoking, never mind while pregnant/with a baby. I wouldn't want my partner there and then coming back to me /the baby all stinking of smoke either.
Has your partner said anything to them?

I think it's odd that they haven't thought about this themselves. Are they normally this inconsiderate?

Unless they have mobility issues they should surely at the very least go to the open window to smoke when you are around. If not outside even.

I get the sense that you have trepadations about asking them? Is it really because it is there own house and you don't want to be 'rude' and ask them. Or is it something else? Do you think, for example, they may turn it into an argument?

Anyway, bite the bullet and say 'in future could you two maybe take the fags outside? Or just not smoke directly around me?'

The smoke shouldn't pose any danger to you or baby when it is on clothing ect, it is just the some being inhaled from the air that isn't good for you.

You can't dictate what someone does in their own home. I can see why you are concerned though.

I suggest you tell them honestly of your concerns and tell them gently that, although you understand it is their choice to smoke, you will be unable to visit once your baby is born. You shouldn't expose your baby to smoke.

If they are unable to quit, I would stay with the non-smoking parents instead for the next few weeks until you are able to move.
I would just wash the new baby clothes when you have moved away.

I am wondering a couple of things:

1. How did they manage to stop earlier in your pregnancy?
2. Why start again now? Why don't they use your pregnancy as a reason to permanently stop?
3. Where is your partner in all this? He should probably be the one to talk to his parents and present this as how you both feel.

I hope it can be resolved without any ill-will between you.

I wouldn’t go to their house any more to be honest and I wouldn’t take the baby there if they’ve smoked inside that day.
Tell them your midwife advised it if you’re worried about their reaction but to be honest they’re showing no consideration for you or your baby. You can’t tell them what to do but you can tell them what will happen as a result.
I’m quite surprised to be honest; most smokers I know don’t smoke in their homes as they don’t even like the smell inside

You can’t ask them not to smoke in their own home. I would go and stay with your parents instead.

Thank you all very much for your advice, it means a lot