Which of us is BU?

[b0bb1n]

Scenario: I was trying to get some sleep as I do in the evening before being awake most of the night and early hours and day with baby. DH taking care of baby while I sleep.

He knows I do not want either of us to let baby (newborn) sleep in bed with either of us, I know it can be done safely but I personally would worry too much about the worst happening.

I wake up at 10pm in my bed, turn over and baby is next to me on the bed, pillow either side, DH nowhere to be seen. (its not a big spacious bed, only a regular double) Not even a baby monitor on him so I know DH isn't keeping an eye on him from downstairs. (It turns out he had gone to the shop for nothing urgent or necessary, gone about 15-20mins.)

Given the fact he knows I am deeply uncomfortable with bed sharing with our newborn and never want to do it, and the fact I didn't even know baby was there so could have easily pulled quilt up over him or chucked my pillow on him when it got too hot, I was / am furious he put baby in this risky position.

DH think I am BU to be unhappy with him leaving baby unattended next to my sleeping self.

Who is BU?

This wasn't good. I think it's been well covered why for safety reasons.

You're being irrational about the baby monitor, of course he didn't use one, you were right there. But that is also part of what was wrong with what he did - he was supposed to be giving you a break and instead he dumped responsibility back on you, to get yoghurt. Jeez.

As a pp said, tho, you both need to try to stop rowing about amounts of blankets etc. Just take another if one of you thinks dc will be cold.

Have you spoken to your health visitor about your anxiety? Make sure you are looking after yourself as much as possible and accept any support. I remember the first weeks with my first so well, it was so hard.

He is BU . I co slept but baby shouldn't be near pillows or duvets. In fact I only used a duvet on bottom half and thick hoodie on top so nothing to smother the baby

I guess chances of something going wrong are small but safe co sleeping is easy and dangerous co sleeping is very easy to avoid so there is absolute no need to take the risk

Definitely BU. However, I'd recommend not getting stressed and arguing about little things like if the baby needs an extra blanket or not. I was like this for the first few weeks until I realised that my baby didn't notice or care either way If you sweat the small stuff then when you sweat the big stuff it's not as impactful.

(sorry, I meant HE is BU)